Celebrities of mixed blood. How Chinese mothers raise their children
Even those Western parents who think they are strict are not even close to Chinese mothers.
How Chinese mothers raise their children
Many people wonder why Chinese parents have such equally successful and gifted children?
They wonder how these parents raise this big number brilliant young mathematicians and brilliant young musicians, how life works in their families, and whether this experience can be used.
I can talk about it. I did it.
For example, list of things that have always been forbidden to my daughters, Sofia and Louise:
Sleep out;
- go to school holidays;
- participate in school plays;
- whining that they weren’t included in the school play;
- watch TV and play computer games;
- choose independently what to do during out-of-school time;
- receive any grades except the highest;
- not to be the best student in the class in any subject except physical training and dramatic art;
- play any musical instrument other than piano and violin;
- do not play the piano or violin.
Chinese moms
I understand the term “Chinese mom” in an expanded way. I know of some Korean, Indian, Jamaican, Irish and Ghanaian parents who fit the definition.
I know some mothers of Chinese descent, but almost always Western-born, who are not Chinese moms, By own choice or not.
I also use the term “Western parents” loosely.
Western parents come in many varieties.
Even those Western parents who think they are strict are not even close to Chinese mothers. I know a Western couple who consider themselves strict parents because they force their children to study music for 30 minutes every day. An hour is the maximum. For a Chinese mother, an hour is nothing. Two or three is strict.
You might be squeamish about cultural stereotypes, but there are tons of books out there that point out the marked differences between Chinese and Westerners when it comes to raising children.
In one study of 50 Western American mothers and 48 mothers from Chinese immigrant families, nearly 70% of Western mothers said that “pressuring children to achieve academically is wrong” and that parents should encourage children to believe that “learning should be a joy."
In contrast, among Chinese mothers, 0% had the same thoughts. Instead the overwhelming Most Chinese mothers said that they believe that their children are capable of being the “best” students, that “academic performance is an indicator of successful upbringing in the family,” and if children do not achieve straight A’s, then this is a “problem” and an indicator that Parents “fail to fulfill their responsibilities”.
Other studies show that compared to Western parents Chinese parents spend about ten times more time doing things with their children school assignments. By contrast, Western children are more likely to participate in school sports teams.
Chinese strategy
Chinese parents think that there is no pleasure in anything you are not successful at.
To learn something, you need to do it, and children themselves never want to do anything, so it is essential that parents decide what to do.
This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents because the child will resist.
It’s especially difficult when you start, which is why Western parents usually give up right away.
But if everything is done correctly, the Chinese strategy works - it turns out to be a virtuous circle.
Consistent practice, practice and more practice are very important to achieve highly qualified; Mechanical repetition is generally underestimated in America. As soon as a child begins to achieve success in something- be it math, piano, baseball or ballet - he or she receives praise, admiration and satisfaction. This strengthens his sense of confidence, and the child begins to enjoy doing things that were once not enjoyable.
Trust makes previously joyless activities fun. This, in turn, makes it easier for parents who need their child to work even harder.
How to avoid feeling like trash
Once, when I was young - maybe more than once - I somehow behaved extremely disrespectfully towards my mother. For this, my father angrily called me “trash” in our native Hokkien dialect. It worked. I felt terrible and was very ashamed of my behavior. But it didn't hurt my ego or anything. I knew very well how highly he thought of me. I certainly didn't think I was worthless and didn't feel like a piece of trash.
As an adult, I once did the same to Sophia, calling her trash in English when she acted extremely disrespectfully towards me. When I spoke about this once at a party, I was immediately ostracized. A guest named Marcy was so upset that she burst into tears and had to leave early.
My friend Susan, the hostess, tried to rehabilitate me in front of the other guests. The fact is that Chinese parents may seem unimaginable, even from a legal point of view, to Westerners. Chinese mothers may tell their daughters, “Hey, fat, you should lose weight.”
In contrast, Western parents begin to become obnoxious when such a question arises, use the term “health” and in no case mention the word “w”, but, nevertheless, their children still have to be shown to the doctor due to a violation of the regime nutrition and negative self-esteem. (I once heard a Western father raise a toast to his adult daughter and called her "beautiful and incredibly competent." She later told me that she felt like trash at that moment.)
Chinese parents may require their children to only get straight A's. Western parents can only ask their children to try to do better.
Chinese parents may say, “You're lazy. All your classmates are ahead of you." By contrast, Western parents must struggle with their own conflicting feelings about life's achievements and try to convince themselves that they are not disappointed by what their children have achieved.
Why Chinese parents get away with everything
I've thought long and hard about why Chinese parents get away with what they do. I believe there is Three Significant Differences Between Chinese and Western Parenting Thoughts.
Firstly, I have noticed that Western parents are extremely concerned about their children's self-esteem. They worry about how their children will feel if they fail at something and constantly try to convince their children of how good they are, despite mediocre grades or a poor performance at a concert. In other words, Western parents are concerned mental state their children.
Chinese parents are not. They value strength over weakness and behave differently as a result.
For example, if a child brings home from school an A-minus on an exam, a Western parent will most likely praise the child. The Chinese mother will gasp in horror and ask what was wrong.
If a child brings home a B, some Western parents they will still praise him. Other Western parents will ask the child to sit down for a moment and express their disapproval, but very carefully so that the child does not feel slighted or a failure, but will not say the words “stupid”, “slacker” and “disgrace”. In a private conversation, Western parents may complain that their child did poorly in exams or has no ability to do something or that there is something wrong with him. curriculum and perhaps a school. If the child's grades do not improve, they may as a last resort meet with the school principal to inquire about how a subject is being taught or to question the teacher's abilities.
If a Chinese child gets a B(and this will never happen) - first there will be an explosion, with screams and hair pulling. Then the unfortunate Chinese mother will find ten, and better than a hundred test tasks in this subject and will study them with the child until he feels that he will definitely get an “A”.
Chinese parents demand excellent grades because they believe their child is capable of earning them. If their child is not given them, Chinese parents assume that it is because the child does not want to work hard. That is why the way to deal with poor performance is always the same - to hurt, punish and shame the child.
Chinese parents believe their child is strong enough to survive judgment and become a better person as a result (and when Chinese children achieve excellent results, streams of parental praise flow at home, inflating self-esteem).
Secondly, Chinese parents believe that their children owe them everything. The reason for this phenomenon is not entirely clear, but it is probably a combination of Confucian filial piety and the fact that parents sacrificed and did a lot for their children. (And it is true that Chinese mothers work their butts off, spending long, grueling hours personally teaching, training, interrogating and spying on their children.) In any case, it is generally accepted that Chinese children should spend their lives repaying their debt to their parents, obeying them, and giving them reasons to be proud.
By contrast, I don't think most Westerners have the same view - that children owe them everything. My husband, Jed, actually thinks the opposite. “Children don’t choose their parents,” he once told me. “They can’t even choose whether to be born or not.” It is the parents who impose their lifestyle on their children, so it is the parents' responsibility to provide for them. Children do not owe their parents anything. They will owe it to their own children.” It seems to me that Western parents made a bad deal.
Third, Chinese parents believe that they know better what their children need, so they force their children to behave in accordance with their your own desires and preferences. This is why Chinese daughters can't have boyfriends in college and why Chinese kids don't go on sleepovers. This also explains why no Chinese child would ever dare to tell their mother, “I got a part in the school play! I am the sixth peasant. I'll have to stay after school for rehearsal every day from three to seven, and I'll have to travel to school on the weekends." And God help him Chinese child who would risk doing something like that.
Do not misunderstand me. All of this does not mean that Chinese parents do not care about their children. Just the opposite. They will give everything for their children. It's just a completely different parenting model.
The secret of the "Little White Donkey"
Here's a story supporting Chinese-style coercion. Lulu was about seven and playing two musical instruments, and worked on a piece for piano called “The Little White Donkey” by French composer Jacques Ibert. Very nice little thing. Imagine a donkey wandering along a country road with its owner on its back. But this thing is extremely difficult for beginning musicians, because the left and right hand must play in schizophrenically different rhythms.
Lulu couldn't do it. We worked on this non-stop for a week, training each arm separately, over and over again. But every time we tried to play with two hands, one would get out of tune with the other, and everything would fall apart.
Finally, the day before the music lesson, Lulu irritably announced that she had had enough and was leaving.
“Go back to the piano,” I ordered.
- You can't force me.
- Of course I can.
Returning to the piano, Lulu decided to take revenge on me. She pounded and pounded on the keys, grabbed the score and tore it to shreds.
I glued the torn one back together and rolled it up in plastic so that it could no longer be destroyed. Then I took Lulu's dollhouse to the car and told her I would be donating it piece by piece to the Salvation Army if she didn't learn to play "Little White Donkey" perfectly by tomorrow.
Then Lulu replied: “I thought you were going to the Salvation Army, why are you still here?” I threatened to leave her without lunch, without dinner, without gifts for Christmas, Hanukkah, and birthdays for the next two, three, four years. When she continued to play incorrectly, I told her that she was deliberately driving herself into a frenzy because she was secretly afraid that she would not succeed. I demanded that she stop being lazy, cowardly, self-indulgent and self-pitying.
Jed called me aside. He told me to stop insulting Lulu (which I didn't, I was just motivating her) and that he didn't think threats would do Lulu any good. Besides, he said, maybe Lulu really just isn't able to master the technique of playing, maybe she has poor coordination - have I thought about that?
“You just don’t believe in her,” I accused him.
“This is ridiculous,” Jed said with contempt. - Of course I believe.
- Sofia played this thing at her age.
- But Lulu and Sofia - different people, - Jed pointed out.
“Oh, no, not that,” I rolled my eyes. - Every person is unique in his own way in an unusual way“,” I parodied, “Even losers have their own path.” Well, don't worry, you won't have to lift a finger. I'm going to do this as long as it takes, and I'm glad to be the parent that gets hated. And you can be the one they adore because you bake them pancakes and take them to the stadium when the Yankees play.
I rolled up my sleeves and returned to Lulu. I used everything possible weapon and any tactics I could think of. We worked from lunch until night, and I did not allow Lulu to leave the piano, even to drink water or go to the toilet. The house became a war zone, and I lost my voice, but there was still no progress, and even I began to have doubts.
And suddenly, out of the blue, Lulu did it. Her hands suddenly came together, her right and left hand began to play separately completely calmly. Lulu understood everything at the same time as I did. It took my breath away. She tried again. Then she began to play more and more confidently and faster, continuing to keep the rhythm: “Mom, look, it’s simple!” After that, she played this thing many times in a row and did not want to get up from the piano.
That night she came to sleep in my bed and we snuggled and hugged each other. When she played "Little White Donkey" in concert a few weeks later, my parents came up to me and said, "Lulu does such a great job - with such passion, so much of her spirit."
Even Jed recognized my achievements.
Western parents worry too much about their children's self-esteem. But one of the worst things you can do as a parent for your child's self-esteem is let him give up. On the other hand, there is nothing better for building confidence than teaching him something that he considered impossible for himself.
All parents want the same thing
There are books that portray Asian mothers as callous, schemers, indifferent to the true interests of their children.
For their part, many Chinese secretly believe that they care more about their children and are willing to sacrifice more for them than Western parents, who seem perfectly content with their children doing poorly.
I believe this is a mutual misunderstanding. All decent parents want the best for their children. The Chinese just have a completely different idea of how to achieve this.
Western parents try to respect the individuality of their children by encouraging them to indulge their passions, supporting their choices, helping them in every way and creating a positive environment. environment. The Chinese, on the contrary, believe that The best way protect your children - prepare them for the future by allowing them to see what they are capable of and equipping them with skills, work habits and inner confidence, which cannot be taken away. published
©Amy Chua
Translation: Alexey Alekseev
Children from mixed marriages(mestizo) always turn out amazingly beautiful or at least incredibly cute. This is an indisputable fact. In Korea, if one of the parents is Korean, they are called "Chagubya" and are perceived as their fellow Koreans, but with European appearance. Chagubyas, as a rule, are very beautiful, and therefore are not deprived of the attention of others. Well, closer to the topic... below we will present to your attention 16 of the most charming celebrities who are half Korean.
Christina Kay Williams, singer, actress and presenter, was born in Yokohama, Japan in 1986. Her mother is Korean and her father is American. Both of her parents were talented musicians. Mom was a professional singer, and dad played musical instruments.
American actor, born in Los Angeles (one of the largest Korean diasporas lives there). Half Korean, half German-Scottish.
Half Korean and half Japanese. Simon is considered one of the sexiest idols in the K-POP industry.
French actor and model. Julien's dad is Korean and his mom is French. He became popular thanks to his role in the sitcom “High Kick Through the Roof” and participation in filming on Korean television.
His main profession is model, but he also took part in the filming of Korean films. Popular both in America and Korea. His mother is Korean and his father is American.
Professional American and Korean actor and model. Starred in the film "X-Men" as Zero. Dalyel's dad is American Irish descent, and my mother is Korean (she was adopted American family after the Korean War).
Yoon Mi-rae (Tasha) is known as the queen of Korean hip-hop. She was born in Texas, 1981. Yoon Mire's mom is Korean and her dad is African-American.
British idol singer. At the age of 7, she took part in the musical 'Les Miserables', and in 2010 she performed on the popular Korean show 'Star King', where she amazed everyone with her vocal skills. Shannon is a former member of the Five Dolls and currently has a solo career. Her dad is Welsh (resident of Wales), and her mother is Korean.
Sin Richard Dulake was born in Los Angeles in 1984. Mom is Korean and dad is British. Known for his role in Athena: Goddess of War.
Gained popularity thanks to the show “Law of the Jungle”. Born and raised in Hawaii. Mom is Korean and dad is American. Many fans were disappointed when they learned that he was already married and had two children.
11. Mizuhara Kiko / Audrey Kiko Daniel
Professional Japanese model and actress. Mom is a Japanese citizen of Korean descent, and dad is American. She is an exclusive model for the Japanese fashion magazine "ViVi"
She gained popularity thanks to her participation in the first season of “K-Pop Star”. She signed a contract with YG Entertainment and became a member of the group SuPearls, but after two years of preparation, the group was disbanded and the contract with YG was canceled. Currently a ward of LOEN Entertainment.
13. Gangnam (M.I.B)
Recently there was a post about Kristin Kreuk. Kristin Kreuk is a Canadian actress and producer. Mom: Chinese. Dad: Dutch.
So, I thought and thought and thought: Are children really mixed blood within the same race or are interracial people always attractive? There are many celebrities. So I decided to take small group stars and look for info. This is what I found in open sources.
Cameron Diaz is an American actress and former model. Mom: half German/half English. Dad: Cuban. Where did her Cuban blood go? I always thought that southern blood was dominant over fair blood.
Elsa Pataky is a Spanish and American actress. Mom: half Magyar / half Romanian. Dad: Spanish.
Eva Green - French film and theater actress,model. Mom: Algerian French of Jewish origin. Dad: half Swedish/half French.
Angelina Jolie - American actress, director and screenwriter, fashion model, ambassador good will UN. Mom: French Canadian, Dutch and German blood. Plus perhaps Iroquoian roots and Hurons (Indian tribes). Dad: Slovak and German blood.
Alexa Chung - British television presenter, model and editor British Vogue. Mom: Scottish. Dad: three-quarters Chinese and one-quarter English. I tried to find something Chinese in her face, but I haven’t found it yet.
Emily Di Donato is an American supermodel. Mom: Irish. Dad: Italian. Emily's eyes scare me. The eyes are beautiful, but it feels like they look right through your soul and turn everything inside out.
Demi Lovato is an American actress, singer and songwriter. Mom: Irish-Italian roots. Dad: Mexican.
Jessica Alba is an American actress. Mom: Danish and French Canadian roots. Dad: Mexican.
Norah Jones - American jazz singer and pianist, author and performer own songs, actress. Mom: white English. Dad: Hindu.
Salma Hayek is a Mexican-American actress, director, producer and singer. Mom: Spanish. Dad: Lebanese.
Olivia Munn is an American actress, comedian, model, television host and writer. Mom: Chinese. Dad: German and Irish blood. I see something Asian in her.
Nicki Minaj is an American singer, rapper, singer-songwriter and actress. Mom: Malaysian and Trinidadian. Dad: Trinidadian and Indian-African descent.
Chrissy Teigen - American model and TV presenter. Mom: Thai. Dad: Norwegian.
Berenice Marlowe - French actress and model. Mom: French. Dad: Cambodian-Chinese descent.
Vanessa Hudgens is an American actress and singer. Mom: Filipino, Chinese and Spanish roots. Dad: Irish Indian-American.
Nicole Scherzinger is an American pop/R&B singer, dancer, songwriter, record producer, actress and model. Mom: half Ukrainian, half Hawaiian. Dad: Filipino.
Amber Rose - American fashion model, actress and designer. Mom: Cape Verdian and Scottish origin. Dad: Irish and Italian descent. * The Republic of Cape Verde is a state in West Africa. Located on the Cape Verde Islands in Atlantic Ocean 620 km from the coast of Africa.
Rihanna is an American R&B and pop singer and actress of Barbadian origin. Mom: Afro-Guyanese descent. Dad: Barbadian and Irish roots.
Leona Lewis is a British singer who won the third series of The X Factor in 2006. Mother: Welsh-Irish-Italian descent. Dad: Afro-Guyanese.
Vanessa Williams is an American singer, songwriter, producer, actress and model who made history in 1984 by becoming the first black Miss America titleholder. I didn't find information about her parents. But according to the DNA test results that Vanessa took, her blood consists of: 23% Ghanaian, 17% british isles, 15% from Cameroon, 12% from Finns, 11% southern Europeans, 7% Togo, 6% Benin, 5% Senegal and 4% Portuguese.
Alicia Keys is an American singer, pianist, songwriter performing in the styles of rhythm and blues, soul and neo-soul, winner of fifteen Grammy awards. Mother: Irish, Scottish and Italian descent. Dad: African American.
Halle Berry is an American film actress. Winner of the Oscar, Golden Globe and Emmy awards, First Vice-Miss USA 1986, first African-American representative of the USA at Miss World in 1986. Mother: white American. Dad: African American.
Naomi Campbell - British supermodel, actress and singer of Afro-Jamaican descent. She became the first black girl to appear on the covers of the French and English editions of Vogue magazine and Time magazine. Mom: Afro-Jamaican. Dad: Afro-Chinese.
Ne-Yo - winner of three Grammy awards, American singer, songwriter, producer, actor, philanthropist. Mom: Afro-Chinese. Dad: African American.
Dwayne Johnson is an American wrestler and film actor. Mom: Polynesian from Samoa. Dad: Black Nova Scotian. Teeth that are too white are scary with their shine.
Keanu Reeves - Canadian- American actor, film producer, film director and musician. Mom: English. Dad: American with English, Irish, Portuguese, Hawaiian and Chinese ancestry.
Steve Jobs - American entrepreneur. Mom: German. Dad: Syrian.
James Franco is an American actor, film director, screenwriter, producer, artist, writer, and professor of filmmaking at New York University. Mom: Jewish with Ukrainian roots. Dad: Portuguese and Swedish roots.
Zayn Malik is a British singer and composer. Mom: English. Dad: British of Pakistani descent.
Wentworth Miller is a British-born American actor and screenwriter. Mom: Russian, French, Syrian, Dutch and Lebanese roots. Dad: African American with Jamaican, Somali, German-Jewish, Native American (Cherokee) and British ancestry.
After reading and looking at photos of celebrities of mixed blood, I thought that the “cocktail rule” does not always work.
Updated 04/09/16 17:50:
Martin Gore is a British composer, singer, guitarist, keyboardist and DJ who has been a member of Depeche Mode since its formation in 1980. Mom: white English. Dad: African American.
Updated 04/09/16 17:58:
Carl Philip Edmund Bertil - Swedish prince. Mom: half German/half Brazilian (so that’s where you come from, dark in the cold northern country). Dad: Swedish, if I understand correctly.