Reproduction of hedgehogs in nature. Common hedgehog (Erinaceus europaeus)Der igel (German), Garden hedgehog, Western european hedgehog (English)
The Internet is a communication medium for many of us. Almost everyone has their own page on in social networks, and some are registered on dating sites. may have different goals, but most often people try to find their soulmate, believing that the city in which they live is limited by some kind of framework, but the Internet gives complete freedom. It doesn’t matter what country you live in, whether it’s close or far.
On the one hand, such freedom of action is good, because meeting a foreigner is now much easier and faster than it once was. If in ordinary life To do this, you need to travel hundreds, thousands of kilometers, then online you just need to press a couple of buttons on the keyboard.
Since computers appeared in every home, such a thing as a virtual novel has appeared. Often women begin to communicate with men they are interested in on sites specially created for this, and their correspondence drags on for months, or even years. Over time, they no longer notice those around them, dreaming only about their virtual friend.
But what are the chances that virtual love can become real?
Answering this question, one cannot say unequivocally: “No, it’s all a joke” or “Yes, it’s quite possible.” has a number of its pros and cons.
Firstly, it makes it possible to communicate more sincerely, since there is no visual perception interlocutor. In a regular meeting, a rare person will be able to tell various details about himself, but online he is not limited by eye contact, many witnesses, and the like. He feels more free and relaxed. And in real life can be shy and extremely insecure.
Secondly, the lack of real meetings leads to the fact that people do not know what habits someone has. For example, the manner of sitting, eating, talking loudly or quietly. Of course, you can talk about this, but there are a lot of things that can only be learned through real communication with a person.
Third, correspondence gives everyone one unique opportunity- create yourself the way you would like to be, but which you are not at all. That is, it’s easy to lie about yours, parameters, and the like. Even a photo can be corrected or borrowed from a friend. So not yet there will be a meeting You can't be completely sure which person you're talking to.
From this point of view, the exception to this rule is Skype. Video conversations bring the conditions of a date as close as possible to real ones and provide an opportunity to see each other for real and hear each other’s voices. Yes, they will not replace tactile touches, but they will raise communication to a level higher than blind email correspondence.
Just as the Internet appeared long ago, so did many different stories. No one denies that on the World Wide Web you can find that one and only loved one who will become your life partner. How many times have strong families been formed this way!
But each of them still had to move from virtuality to reality. And this transition is not always easy or simple.
Therefore, deciding to find serious relationship online, you need to adhere to certain rules:
1. Don't lie. As already mentioned, the Internet allows us not to show our appearance, not to talk about any of our shortcomings. But the main thing in a relationship is trust, and without it you shouldn’t count on anything more.
2. Don’t take too long with virtual dates.. Wherever a person is far away, if you want to connect your real life, think about meeting. Of course, it's easy to get used to Skype and the fact that you don't always have to look attractive in order to talk to your loved one. But, as you know, life follows different rules. In it, men value in a woman not only the correctness of written words, but also her appearance.
If you find yourself in a situation where you deliberately did not tell your interlocutor about some of your unattractive (from your point of view) traits, it’s time to tell him about it or show them. As stated in the first point, trust comes first.
3. Compromise. If at the beginning of the search interesting person, you were curious to meet a foreigner, get ready for the fact that he will invite you to move in with him (if you are both serious). This means that friends, relatives and work will remain here. It's unavoidable.
However always be on your guard. Experienced people warn that it is very easy to come across scammers and morally unbalanced people online. Never send anyone money for a flight, pay for their tickets or anything else. And before you meet, do as much research as possible about this person. more information- Facebook page, mentions of his place of work, check the address you received.
By taking precautions and being honest, you can always count on the fact that a virtual romance can develop into a real one. After all, this happens more and more often.
- He's cheating on me!
- Why You so decided?
— I saw the correspondence on ICQ...
— Are you sure that all this takes place in reality, and not just online?
- What difference does it make to me!? He's having an affair!!!
It is no secret that a separate concept has long existed - Internet culture. Eat special forms communication, slang, specific humor and programs and resources designed for this. Some people think that all this is unnatural - surrogate friendship, virtual tea drinking and emotions demonstrated in the form of standard “emoticons”. But it's not that simple. Digging deeper, you find out that this phenomenon has reasons.
Features of the novel online
When a virtual romance became the focus of the consultation, I always asked the question: “did you want/were you ready to meet your virtual partner in reality?” And most often I heard “no”. I repeat, we are now talking not about those who use the network for real dating and are not limited in any way in their development, but about those whose personal lives are “settled” and who, nevertheless, are looking for acquaintances on the network. But it leaves them to live only in the virtual world.
Andrey, 37 years old, has been corresponding with a girl from another city for a year now. They communicate via ICQ, blogs, and email. One day my wife discovered a piece of this correspondence. According to her, all this was very reminiscent of their correspondence at the beginning of their acquaintance. She was truly offended. When she brought her husband with her to the consultation, he did not deny it. “Yes, I’m texting. And nothing more. And women read romance novels and sometimes imagine themselves in the place of the heroines. Moreover, with other men. And what? Ban this literature? What is the difference? We are not going to translate this into reality. Just like my wife – fantasies on the theme of romance novels.”
A strong argument, don't you think? During the consultation, we found out that for Andrey this is a kind of “psychotherapy”. In those difficult moments when he quarrels with his wife, he temporarily disappears from the “battlefield” to the computer. Half an hour of meaningless exchanges with a girl for whom he is just a pen pal (she also has a personal life), and quarrels with his wife cease to traumatize him so much. Moreover, refreshed by the approval of his virtual girlfriend, he is ready to approach his wife and ask for forgiveness. Or at least, thanks to correspondence and switching emotions, tactfully take a break in communication with your wife and not develop the quarrel further.
The purpose of virtual flirting
From a psychological point of view, this is a form role playing game,modeling. There is some part of a person that others do not want to see or notice. Or it is simply overshadowed by other qualities.
Let’s say that loved ones are accustomed to the fact that a person is cold. And even if over time he has developed the ability to express feelings, those around him sometimes simply refuse to notice it due to habit, a stereotype of human perception. And they don’t see that he has changed. He naturally seeks adequate resonance for these changes. And he finds that it is in front of a virtual interlocutor that he can fully reveal his new qualities. Another option: a person tries to become someone, something, to acquire some kind of status or quality. But those around him do not believe in him, the world around him does not seem to give him such an opportunity, it is as if a label has been hung on him. And then he appears to someone unfamiliar on the Internet exactly as he would like to see himself.
One of the very powerful laws of psychology is simple: if you model the desired situation in detail, with strong emotional involvement, then this technique can greatly increase the likelihood of its implementation.
The basis of many psychotechniques is precisely this technique. And the stronger it is, the more someone reacts to your “picture”. a real man. In therapeutic groups, people help each other by acting out adequate resonance for the other. But not everyone has the opportunity or desire to attend groups. And intuitively a person searches for a way. And he finds it.
Finals
But the endings are different. Remember the movie "You've Got Mail?" Some situation, stress, quarrel, trauma can push a person to suddenly seek real contact with a virtual interlocutor. And this can give rise to a lot of consequences. From disappointment and rejection to sudden real love. Both can be fatal.
Galina, 27 years old, at 22 You got married and gave birth. After some time, she realized that her husband had not taken her seriously for a long time - he took care of the child, but somehow lived without much regard for her. Although I had no intention of changing anything. She didn’t intend to either - the child needs a father, there is no reason to get a divorce. But she began to look for emotional and even erotic contact online. It never occurred to her to have a real affair on the side - in her understanding, this meant putting the family at risk. She hoped that things would still get better. But she needed warmth. And the network became You on the move. The correspondence went well with a man who also had a family - that suited her. And then a blow happened - she finds out that her husband has another partner on his side for three years now. In a fit of despair, she tries to see her virtual friend. They start dating. But after some time, he makes it clear to her that she needs to put an end to this. Like, we've already gone too far. She resists - they understand each other so well on all levels, she is in love! And he still continues to play virtual therapy - for him all this was not and could not be serious. About further events there's no point in talking. I will only say one thing - it took a year and a half of regular classes just to somehow restore her mental balance. And the treatment continues to this day.
A person online is a living person. you are not communicating with a robot, and even if each of you plays some kind of therapeutic role, living on the network is not lived own image, not living a piece of life, helping another to do the same, you still should not forget: life is real and anything can happen in it.
Who your virtual interlocutor becomes is up to you. If you are careful and tactful, if you clearly define boundaries and think not only about yourself, perhaps you will later thank him for his help. And if you get carried away and forget to think about him as a living person, then perhaps he will become a bitter disappointment and trauma for you.
And those who caught their husbands/wives engaged in virtual flirting should first think about what they don’t see in a loved one? What makes him live some kind of parallel life, why is he looking for a different perception of himself? And if you are sensitive to him, if you know how to react to his changes, then he will only communicate online. And don't flirt.
The beloved has noticeably cooled down in relation to you and the children, his gaze has become absent, and topics of conversation are reduced to short remarks on everyday occasions. He spends hours playing scores on his computer keyboard and gets into a state of passion whenever you come within a meter of his laptop.
You, of course, have long noticed that there, on the flickering monitor screen, lines with exclamation marks, dots and other emoticons. And if you notice in his correspondence an icon of two curly braces pointing towards each other, and above them there is a dash and two dots, the situation is bad: in terms of the computer ematicon, this clutter means a passionate kiss! My husband had a virtual affair. What to do?
Calm, just calm!
Yes, today you can have a love affair without leaving home, and without even getting up from your favorite couch. This fact does not in any way detract from the strong emotions on the part of all participants. love triangle, and the jealousy that flares up at the sight of a spouse entangled in the web is just as strong and painful. But don’t focus on details, don’t make a scene for your husband, and don’t make sarcastic hints. Peace of mind- a guarantee of your confidence. Having calmed down, you can assess the situation objectively and competently manage it, skillfully navigating the family ship between dangerous reefs, saving it from wreck.
Flirtation or passion?
Psychologists have noticed that people with unrealized potential tend to delve seriously into the experience of virtual feelings. What they cannot achieve in reality is easily achieved on the other side of the screen. This observation applies not only to avid gamers who have doomed their wives to the role of cyberwidows, but also to those “macho men” who make girlfriends (and more than one!) on social networks, on ICQ, or practice the love epistolary genre on soap. Sometimes, starting with innocent courtship of a virtual stranger whom he “picked up” on one of the forums, a man recklessly falls in love with the image that she skillfully creates with the help of glamorous pictures, Photoshop and insinuating phrases. As a result, your hubby will sulk at you for every harsh remark, believing that only his web passion understands him better than anyone. Take a closer look and listen to how he reacts to your requests and comments, and you will immediately understand how far his amorous story has gone. Perhaps the spouse does not even consider this cheating. And you, if you don’t know hacking techniques, in order to hack and destroy your rival’s hated account, you have to endure his coldness or take non-standard measures.
Reasons for web cheating
A wise woman will not do anything until she finds the source of the problem. What makes a life partner engage in cyber affairs? Romance has left your feelings and he is bored? Or maybe he lacks tenderness and warmth, he no longer feels desired? Think about whether there is gratitude towards him in your eyes, words and gestures, whether he knows that you appreciate his abilities, his contribution to family life? After all, if you have a gap here, your online lover will gladly fill it! A man who does not want to complicate his life with secret dates and burden himself with unnecessary obligations will be quite satisfied with the sympathy of an “understanding soul” somewhere in the vastness of the web universe.
Give him a headache
Perhaps your sweetheart started an affair because he loves extreme sports, and cheating two steps away from his rightful half excites his nerves and blood. Well, you can teach him a lesson if you are ready to rush into the adventure yourself. You don’t have to rush to a dating site to go all out: try to “catch” your husband’s attention in the guise of a fictional seductress. Fortunately, the Internet gives such an advantage! You don't need to be taught how to win his sympathy and admiration. Chat with him online, play tricks and lead him by the nose, like Pushkin’s legendary Liza-Akulina from the programmatic story “The Young Lady-Peasant Woman”. Maybe (who knows!), your correspondence will reveal to you the hidden sides of your husband’s character, his hidden desires? It's not exactly a fair game, but is his action blameless? When the truth is revealed, this virtual adventure will remain in your chronicle married life one of those funny memories.
Over time, little by little, begin to prepare the ground for a happy revelation and finally ask him a question about his wife. If he assures you that he is not married, choose the right moment, look into his eyes and innocently ask: “Darling, why are you saying that I am not?” Your spouse may be a little embarrassed, but he will certainly appreciate your ingenuity.
Is it easy to deal with a virtual opponent?
Are you afraid that his ethereal adultery will become tangible? According to experts, this is hardly possible. Tremblingly cherishing the image of a conditional beloved, a man understands in the corner of his consciousness that real meeting threatens to destroy the sweet myth and turn around a complete disaster both in the virtual (with her), and in real world relationship: with you. Fantasies are not very friendly with reality. Don’t rush to give your spouse an ultimatum or convince him of the illusory nature of his hobby. Just wait. The novel will disappear like smoke. In essence, your spouse does not love a real woman on the other end of the World Wide Web, he loves his dreams. It turns out that he started a “relationship” not with someone, but with himself.
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You decided that the virtual romance did not justify itself. Too much time and effort was wasted. But don't be upset. By at least, you have experience in this kind of relationship. However, like any romance, virtual relationships should be completed in an appropriate manner.
There is nothing better than honesty. If you have already communicated with your chosen one through video chats, call him. It is worth plucking up the courage and saying to your face that you want to end the relationship. You shouldn't invent reasons and beat around the bush. Explain that you are not satisfied with virtual love, that you are tired of communicating with a computer and not with real people, and so on. But be extremely tactful. Avoid any form of aggression. And try to end the novel on a friendly note.
If your communication was limited only to correspondence, then write email. In it, be sure to indicate the reason why you want to end the conversation. But, as in any relationship, show as much respect as possible to the other party. In addition, it is advisable to discuss the situation via ICQ, thereby saving yourself the painful wait for a response.
Don't compromise. If you decide that the relationship should end, stick to your guns. Of course, your interlocutor may react to the situation incorrectly. He will begin to threaten you with persecution or even meeting you in real life. In this case, take decisive action. Delete your account on Skype, ICQ, VKontakte and other social networks. Change your phone number. Change your address Email. Where to delete yours account If you can’t or don’t want to, put your ex-beauty on the blacklist or write a complaint to the site administration.
Make it a rule to never tell anyone your real actual address. Thus, you will be able to to the fullest protect against the arrival of uninvited guests. However, if you have already provided your coordinates, then ask your friends to support you. Most likely, your virtual friend will not come to you, but it is better to protect yourself for a while.
There are also less honest ways to end a virtual romance. They should be used only if all other methods either have not given a positive result or are not effective for various reasons. But you should always remember that on the other side of the monitor there is a living person just like you. And even without seeing his eyes, and without saying a word, you can greatly hurt his feelings. Therefore, using any dishonest methods, you project negative emotions onto yourself.
So. The first of them is complete ignorance. If your interlocutor does not understand the hints or does not want to listen to them, you stop all communication with him. You don’t answer calls, letters, messages, you ignore his messages on Skype. You need to be patient. By the way, the interlocutor may think that you simply did not receive his message. Therefore, feel free to visit the sites to read all these messages.
The next most popular is lying. Come up with a legend according to which you need to disappear from the online world forever. This could be the unexpected return of the husband from his mistress, or new job Abroad. Of course, your interlocutor may invite you to continue the correspondence, but you should be persistent. Start replying to messages less often, and eventually stop all contact completely.
You can ask your friend to create a new account on the site where you met to provoke young man to "treason". After which a “worthy” reason will appear to end such a relationship as soon as possible.
Well, the most disgusting way to end a virtual romance is to report your “incurable” illness. Of course, notorious “Casanovas” will immediately wish you a speedy recovery and accidentally disappear. But if fate brings you together with a decent person, then rest assured that you will greatly spoil him nervous system. Most likely, your virtual lover will want to come to help you in this difficult test. And if you simply turn off the phone, then be sure that the lonely person on the other end of the line will not be able to sleep a wink for a long time, worrying about your health.
Therefore, the conclusion of any romance, virtual or real, should not carry malice, hatred, betrayal or indifference. Always remember not to play with other people's feelings.