The right choice or not. The right choice: what skills will be useful
What should you do if you are a leader and you are faced with a difficult choice? Remember, as in a fairy tale: execution cannot be pardoned, dismissal cannot be left, and it is unclear where to put a comma. In this article we will talk about several ways to make the right decision. This will help not only businessmen, but also ordinary people who find themselves in a difficult situation.
If you are trapped
Usually, making a difficult decision is necessary in a difficult life situation. Stress affects a person in different ways: some withdraw into themselves, some worry and don’t sleep at night, some become hysterical and take it out on loved ones. One thing remains unchanged: a person seems to fall into the trap of his own psyche; he is often unable to make a choice on his own and acts under the influence of emotions or his close environment. Time shows that impulsive and ill-considered decisions are ineffective and can ruin your business, your career, your relationships, in the end. Remember: all serious decisions are made with a cool head. Therefore, before you put into practice the methods described below, do this: turn off your heart and turn on your head. We'll show you how.
There are several ways to pacify emotions:
- short term - breathe correctly. Take 10 deep, slow breaths - this will help you calm down;
- medium-term - imagine that your friend finds himself in such a situation and asks you for advice. What will you tell him? Surely throw away all emotions and try to look at the situation detachedly, objectively. So try it;
- long-term - take a time out. Just let the situation go for a while, do other things, and come back to it after a week or month. This way you will kill two birds with one stone: firstly, you will cut off impulsive decisions and will not cut from the shoulder. And secondly, the right decision will ripen in your head like a ripe fruit - you just need to give it time.
Now that emotions no longer influence your choices, let's talk about eight reliable methods for making decisions.
1. Pros and cons method
Use the good old method: take a sheet of paper and a pen, draw the sheet in half. In the left column write all the advantages of the chosen solution, in the right column - respectively, the disadvantages. Don't limit yourself to just a few items: there should be 15-20 items on the list. Then calculate what will be more. Profit!
The essence of the methoda: even if you endlessly scroll through the pros and cons in your head, you are unlikely to see the full picture. Psychologists advise making written lists: this helps to organize the accumulated information, visually see the relationship between pros and cons, and draw a conclusion based on pure mathematics. Why not?
2. Create habits
This method is suitable if it is difficult for you to make a choice in everyday matters. For example, to increase the salary of a new employee, or if it’s not worth it yet, put it on the website or another company. What to eat for dinner, in the end, French fries or fish with vegetables. A difficult decision, of course, but still not a matter of life and death. In this case, it is useful to consciously create habits for yourself and follow them in the future. For example, introduce an iron rule: increase employee salaries only after six months of working in your company. Buying office supplies exclusively from Skrepka is cheaper. Eating light and healthy dishes for dinner will soon thank you. Well, with the call back you get the idea, yes.
The essence of the method: following your habits, you will make simple decisions automatically, saving yourself from unnecessary thoughts, without wasting precious time on nonsense. But then, when you need to make a truly responsible and important choice, you will be fully armed.
3. “If-then” method
This method is suitable for resolving current problems in business, team, and personal life. For example, your employee speaks impolitely to customers and does not respond to comments. Question: should I fire him immediately or try to re-educate him? Try using the “if-then” technique. Tell yourself: if he again mistreats a client, you will deprive him of his bonus. If the incident happens again, fire me.
The essence of the method:as in the first case, this is the creation of conditional boundaries within which you will act. The burden will immediately be lifted from the soul, and life will become much easier. And most importantly, you don’t have to waste time thinking and thinking about the fate of a careless employee.
It was invented by the famous American journalist Susie Welch. The rule is: before you make a difficult decision, stop and answer three questions:
- what will you think about it 10 minutes later;
- How will you feel about your choice in 10 months;
- What will you say in 10 years?
Let's give an example. Let's take a young man who works as a manager, doesn't like his job, but puts up with it because he needs money. He dreams of quitting his job, taking out a loan and opening his own business - a small pub, but at the same time he is desperately afraid of going broke and losing everything he has. In general, a classic case when a bird in the hand is preferred to a pie in the sky.
It’s difficult for our hero to take the first step - quit his hated job. Let's say he does this. In ten minutes he is unlikely to have time to regret his decision. In 10 months, he will already have time to rent the premises, equip the pub and receive clients. And if it doesn’t work out - he’ll find a job as a manager anyway - so what’s there to regret? Well, in 10 years, this choice is unlikely to have any significance at all: either the business will continue, or our hero will work in another place - one of two things. It turns out that if you follow the 10/10/10 rule, making a decision no longer becomes such a difficult task, because a person clearly understands what awaits him in the future.
The essence of the method: when making a difficult decision, we are usually overwhelmed by emotions: fear, anxiety, or vice versa, joy and excitement. A person feels it right here and now; feelings obscure the prospects for the future. Remember, as in Yesenin: “You can’t see a face face to face, a big one is seen at a distance.” As long as the future seems foggy and vague, the choice of solution will be postponed again and again. By making concrete plans, presenting his emotions in detail, a person rationalizes the problem and stops being afraid of the unknown - because it becomes simple and understandable.
Read also: Three real stories.
5. Solve within 15 minutes
Paradoxical as it may seem, the most important, strategic decisions should be made in 15 minutes. A familiar situation: a company has a serious problem that requires immediate action, but the point is that no one knows the right solution. For example, competitors have done something nasty, and it is not clear what to do: respond in kind or get out of the situation with dignity. Or the crisis has hit your company, and you are confused: to move to a less prestigious place or to lay off a dozen employees. How can you make the right choice, and is there even one? And you begin to procrastinate, unable to make a decision, in the hope that everything will resolve itself.
If you don’t know which solution is correct, just imagine that there is no correct answer to this life problem. Give yourself 15 minutes and make any, absolutely any, decision. Yes, at first glance this may seem crazy. What about planning, and what about testing and verifying solutions? Ok, ok, if you can quickly and with a minimum of investment check the correctness of the solution, check it. If this requires months of time and millions of rubles, it is better to abandon this idea and immediately record the time.
The essence of the method: Needless to say, if you waste time, nothing gets solved: crises don’t go away, rental prices don’t go down, and competitors become even sharper. One unmade decision leads to others, the business sags and becomes ineffective. As they say, it is better to do than to regret, than not to do and regret.
6. Don't limit yourself to narrow boundaries
The same thing we wrote about at the beginning. Execute or pardon, buy a car or not, expand or wait for better times. One of two things, hit or miss, oh, it was not! But who said that a problem has only two solutions? Get out of the narrow framework, try to look at the situation more broadly. It is not necessary to organize a large-scale expansion of production - it is enough to launch a couple of new positions. Instead of an expensive car, you can purchase a more modest option and apply disciplinary measures to the offending employee for the first time.
The essence of the method: when there are only two solution options, there is a greater chance of choosing the right decision, and many deliberately simplify their lives by dividing the situation into yes and no, black and white. But life is much more diverse: don’t be afraid to look it in the eye and accept all possible options. The solution may be a compromise, a rejection of both extremes in favor of a third, completely unexpected solution, or a successful combination of two options. This often happens when the owner of a small business cannot decide what to do: sit on the phone, deliver orders, or engage only in management activities. Start combining - and then you will see what works best. This will be the optimal solution to the problem.
Can you imagine? what kind of success could be achieved if it was always easy and quick to make the right choice? Enroll in the most promising university? Choose exactly the partner who will bring true happiness in your personal life? Correctly determine the advantages of a particular vacancy? Choosing the best stocks to invest your money in? Such a person would probably become the ruler of the world in a couple of years.
Let's take a break from our dreams and remember how we usually make choices in real life. Depression, tossing from one thing to another, the desire not to choose at all or just toss a coin...
Remark: I say, of course, after trying it on my own skin and observing my friends. For a couple of days I was tormented by a difficult choice. I got angry and gathered my thoughts together to make an algorithm for the right choice. I have an unwritten (already written;) rule: if something turns out badly, do it better than anyone else.
So, the situation is familiar to everyone: you need to make some decision, choose between
several options for something (what job to get, what girl to choose, where to invest money). How to make the right choice? Let's figure it out.
First, a few notes.
1. We need to understand that our information about the available options is incomplete in any case (alas, we cannot see the future; the situation can always change). Therefore, a choice made in the most careful manner, well thought out and justified may ultimately turn out to be wrong.
There are two consequences from this fact:
— firstly, when making a choice, it’s good to be a little fatalistic. You need to tell yourself something like: “Whatever choice I make, I will be able to reap all the benefits and cope with the negative consequences.” Why is it necessary to understand that it is fundamentally impossible to make an ideal choice? (Because it is possible to guess with the choice and settle on the ideal option, but just guess) So, this is necessary in order to reduce stress in the selection process. Depression and bad mood are absolutely unnecessary and do not contribute in any way to making the right choice. And nothing good at all ;)
- on the other hand, this means that you can reduce the likelihood of making the wrong choice by obtaining new information. Therefore, one should strive to study the subjects of choice as fully as possible.
2. We are often visited by the desire to leave everything as it is and not choose for as long as possible. In most cases, this tactic is not very smart. You want to control your life, right? Or not? Do you care what it will be like?
So if you want not to choose at all, then it is best to calm down, rest your soul, and again take on the problem of choice a little later. "The morning is wiser than the evening". You can get enough sleep and with a fresh mind, not littered with negative emotions, weigh everything and finally make a choice.
Decision making techniques.
How can you make a choice? There are several ways:
1. Just sit down (take a walk, lie in the bath, etc. – wherever is more convenient for you) and think. Twist through the options in your head, figure out what and how.
2. The same thing, but think about the options not haphazardly, but on paper or on the computer. Write: “Option 1” - and its characteristics, what you like, what you don’t like, what are the advantages and disadvantages.
3. Make a sign like this (click to enlarge):
It’s quite obvious, but I’ll still explain: you evaluate each of the options according to several (the more, the better) criteria. For example, in the case of choosing a job, these could be: salary, availability of free time, prospects for growth, psychological comfort, social status, and so on. After scoring, you simply add up the results for the individual options and, with a light heart, choose the option that earned the most points.
This method of decision-making is good not only and not so much in itself, but because it allows you to look at various options from different angles and analyze different aspects of the decision being made. This method of choosing between alternatives gives you a better understanding of the big picture.
Each of us sometimes needs to make difficult choices. We ask ourselves questions: what is better to choose, how to make the right choice, and what if?.. We find a lot of answers and still cannot decide.
These questions also tormented me and tore me apart until I heard the phrase:
“Before, he couldn’t make a choice because he didn’t know what would happen next. Now he knows what will happen and therefore cannot make a choice.” © Mr. Nobody
These words of the main character of the film “Mr. Nobody” became an insight for me. This is brilliant: it’s difficult for us to choose, not because we don’t know what will happen, but because it’s difficult for us to refuse something. Choice is always a rejection of something in favor of an alternative. No matter how much you think, no matter how much you weigh and calculate your moves, it will not become easier. You still have to give up something.
You will say that sometimes we choose between what we have and new opportunities. I disagree. Even if we choose what we already have, for example, staying at this job instead of changing to a new one, we are still choosing for mythical prospects. Otherwise, if everything was good, the question of choice itself would not arise.
I’ll explain in more detail, we want to change something in life when we don’t like it. For example, work. The boss is an asshole, there is no career growth, the salary was reduced due to the crisis, naturally there is a desire to change the situation. And we start looking for a job, and then the merciful Universe gives us such an opportunity, we are invited to an interview, one thing after another...
And here there are two options: either we choose between new offers and here we can only imagine what opportunities and privileges we will have in this or that company. And by choosing one, we give up the prospects of another. That is, We are afraid of losing what we don’t have.
There is another option, when the employer somehow senses that we can leave and promises to improve conditions. An important detail, improvements are only being talked about, they don’t exist in practice yet. And here we are again falling into this trap. “Damn, what should I choose? If the boss does what he says, then I won’t feel bad here either, although that job has more prospects, it’s more interesting, but it’s a different team and further from home...” And that’s it... away we go. We live again about what we have Not yet.
And on the one hand, it is by wanting to have what we don’t yet have that we grow and develop, but on the other hand, we suffer in a situation of choice. Where does this Plyushkin live in each of us?
But it definitely exists, look at your apartment right now and think, what is it that is in the closets, on the balcony or mezzanine that is high time to throw it away?? I'm sure there's something for everyone. When going through a closet, we face a choice: keep it or throw it away? So what is the difficulty?? It's a pity to throw it away?
No, it’s a pity not because this thing is useful to us, but because it might come in handy! That is, again, this is the reluctance to lose an opportunity, to lose something that does not exist. After all, in fact, we do not use this thing , we definitely won’t need it in the near future, otherwise there would be no question of throwing it away. And so, and maybe someday...
Why is it so difficult to give up something? It seems to us that if we give up this now, we will never be able to get this chance back again. There are even a lot of films that revolve around the same theory: this chance comes only once in a lifetime, and if you don’t take it, then you’re a fool!
I beg to differ. Quite recently, I discovered this a way to deal with difficult choices . So, let's think logically: if in each option there is something that I don’t want to give up, then this extremely valuable to me ! It is very important to determine what is so valuable in this proposal. What perspective do we see for ourselves, what desire or need do we want to satisfy? Once we understand this, it will become much clearer.
“When you have to make a choice,
and you don’t do it, that’s also a choice.”
William James
Every day a person has to make decisions make elections from several possible options. And this is not an easy task.
A person is constantly faced with choices - what to wear, what to eat, how to spend the day, and so on. Such choices are easy to make.
But what about more global solutions:
- When and where to go on vacation?
- Where to live? Buy a house or apartment?
- Which educational institution should I go to?
- Should I stay at my current job or accept a tempting offer?
- With whom to cast your destiny?
There are many such questions, everyone has their own. And as soon as one issue is resolved, a new one arises.
And almost every time this is accompanied by doubts, worries and postponing decisions until later.
Which solution to the problem should you choose and which should you refuse? Who should you ask for advice and what advice should you listen to? The more complex the issue, the more difficult it is to make a choice.
In this article you will learn how to learn to make the right choice and what will help you not to hesitate and make decisions with confidence. wise decisions.
Your life is a reflection of your choices
A person's life is shaped by his values, actions, decisions and actions.
Look where you are now, at what point in your life journey. What you have and what is missing in your life. This is all the results of your elections.
This is the law of effect through which your reality changes and is built.
Everything that is in your life, everything that happens in it, is all you once created through your actions and choices.
One step at a time
On the way to a goal, a person constantly makes many different choices. And at every step of the way, the initial result depends on these small options and choices.
For example: On the path of life, a person encountered an obstacle, let’s call it figuratively - “a large stone - a boulder.” And this obstacle must be removed.
A person just needs to make a choice on how to move forward. And he has at least three options - to climb over this boulder, go around it, or move it out of the way.
A person makes a decision to remove the boulder from the road. And here again options for resolving the issue arise.
You can try to move the boulder yourself. You can, to use more physical force, call a group of people for help. Or you can use technology.
The man thought and decided that using the technique was the best option for him.
The necessary equipment can be purchased, rented, or simply used by agreement for free or by barter. And so on.
Each option has its own possibilities for solving the issue that has arisen. And at each stage you can turn in any direction the person needs.
There is also always the possibility turn back and not overcome obstacles. This is also a choice.
Why is it so difficult to make a choice?
It is usually up to the person to make the decision fears get in the way and doubts. Such fears are born from past situations already experienced and from the unknown of the future.
From past experience, a person is afraid of repeating the mistakes he has made because he remembers the pain he experienced. In such a situation, it is difficult for a person to let go of the past, and he hangs there.
A person is afraid of the future because he does not know what awaits him ahead. The unknown scares him.
As a result, a person refuses opportunities because of fears and uncertainty, because some troubles await.
And only being in the “Here and Now” state is a person able to calmly make a choice.
Advice to those who do not know how to listen to intuition, use this practice as often as possible, practice on simple situations.
Remember a time when you were faced with choosing something important, listened to your intuition, and it did not let you down. As time passed, you realized that you made the right choice.
Remember this feeling when you made a decision. Let it be the standard.
“To take your place in life, you need to learn to choose.” From the movie "Practice"
The day has ended when every Russian citizen could make his choice. Choosing your future life. Today we chose the future President of our country. In order to decide and correctly make a choice, we were given time. During this time, we have drowned in advertising and propaganda of ideas, views, programs, calls of presidential candidates. Tired. But in general, we went to the elections with a ready-made decision and returned home with a sense of fulfilled civic duty.
Is there a person among us who tonight regretted his choice and realized that he was mistaken? Or does this also take time?
In fact, my article is not about elections. An article about - how to make a choice. The elections of March 4, 2012 were just a relevant reason for writing an article.
Wikipedia deciphers the concept of “Choice” for us from the point of view of psychology and technology. In psychology, Choice means having different options for exercising one's will. And technical activity classifies Choice as the resolution of uncertainty in human activity in the face of a plurality of alternatives. What did we have more of today: the availability of options or the real opportunity to resolve uncertainty?
It seems to me that many of us made today’s choice under pressure. Do you know the parable “Fish oil for a dog”?
“One man decided to give his Doberman fish oil: he was told that it was very beneficial for the dog. Every day he pinned the struggling dog's head between his knees, forcibly opened its jaws and pushed fat down its throat.
One day the dog escaped and spilled grease on the floor. Then, to the great surprise of the owner, he returned and began to lick the puddle. It turned out that he was not opposed to the fish oil itself, but to the way in which it was infused into him.” I don’t like the way they force us to make our choice today.
Every person in his life every second is faced with the need to make hundreds of decisions, sometimes without even realizing that he is making a choice at that very moment. Most often, when choosing, a person is guided by the lesser of evils. But when the need arises to choose not from two options, but from three, five, ten possibilities, then very often a person finds himself in a dead end. Exit from which may take a long time. As a result, we end up with missed opportunities.
How to make your choice correctly?
Are there special techniques and techniques that would help a person turn missed opportunities into real ones? Is there something that would help us not to suffer for years, choosing from several options?
What does choice mean to me?
For me, the answer to this question is always a very simple action - a decision. A decision is something that can be done in just a few seconds, albeit after you have thoroughly prepared for it.
I understand mine very well personal responsibility for your choice. If I trust the opinions and advice of other people, then I shift this responsibility onto the shoulders of the advisers. What does not allow me to step on my own rake, which they teach me to live and choose. I don't want to let others make their own choices for me.
I should be interested in my decision. I must have the desire to make the right choice. That is, motivation.
I must have my own system of criteria for selection. Each of us has perfect tools that can help us make choices. These are our eyes, hearing, memory, smell, experience, intuition. Let's turn it on and act.
I think the easiest choice is for people who have a rich imagination and the ability to think big. Since such talents are in their infancy, I can assume that in a situation of choice such people can project a picture of the “future” in their imagination.
Great technique for decision making
In difficult situations of choice, the “scales” technique helps me. I imagine in my imagination the scales, on each of which I “add up” the advantages and disadvantages, the pros and cons. I wait until the cup of merit is outweighed, and I boldly choose it.
I learned to understand that no matter what I choose - it is my choice, my way, my road. A little pompous, but it's better to be enthusiastic about one of the possible options and squeeze everything out of it that you can, while the doubting pessimists are tormented by thoughts of how many opportunities they have lost.
Even the wise King Solomon said: “Choice is not what we choose. Choice is what we give up. Every time you choose one thing, you give up everything else. Make it a rule to know what you are giving up. This will save you from useless tossing and unnecessary disappointments. Always remember this and your path will be pure and full of truth.”.
Although the same Solomon believed that there was no choice.
The consistency of our actions is what, year after year, gives us certain skills and confidence in the upcoming choice. Whether you choose randomly, or base your choice on your character traits, or you have to make a choice based on some criteria - accept your Choice. Get it and go on an interesting journey. Try to extract all possible pleasures and valuable experiences. Find your place in the event or make a different choice. After all, you already know how to make a choice. Good luck to you!
I hope to see your opinions in the comments, dear readers. What do you use when you have to choose?
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Having remembered successful and unsuccessful examples from business, I came to the conclusion that the main thing is the optimal balance of analytical preparation of the solution and its consistent implementation. The extremes - people of action and people-computers - are usually ineffective in the end.
Hello, Elena!
Your article helped me a lot when making a difficult decision. I was choosing between three faculties at the university, and since I was applying for the second time (after a year of studying at another university, I realized that it was absolutely not for me), I was afraid to make a mistake.And now, when the choice has already been made, I am suffering again. It seems to me that I chose the wrong direction, but nothing can be changed. I MYSELF chose where I am studying now, but I just can’t make this decision... I thought and analyzed for a very long time, and I’m already so tired of it: no matter what I choose, it seems to me that this is not what I needed. And the worst thing is that your whole fate depends on this decision. The feeling of regret is corroding... I can’t believe that just recently I could have chosen any path.
I chose the specialty that was closer to me... But the faculty turned out to be not the best, they teach poorly there, they teach poorly, and in general it is falling apart... Maybe I should have gone to a good faculty with long-term traditions, and it doesn’t matter that I’m not so interested in the main subject like. But I would be in normal company. These thoughts haunt me.
Maybe you have some experience or advice?
The choice is small - not everyone hires pensioners... There are a lot of young people... And you twitch as if under electric current, and plus you think that in the end they will also pay for the goods... Go to another region closer to the sea because... life is not rubber and the minutes inexorably count down eternity..., you will be separated from your granddaughter for a long time, again because of these minutes that bring eternity closer...??? How to choose the right solution here???????
Elena, I can’t accept my choice. Six months ago I bought an apartment and the choice was between two apartments in a new building (in the same building). One corner apartment is on the 12th floor, the other apartment is on the 9th floor. The layouts are completely different, but the square footage is the same. Before purchasing, I weighed all the pros and cons. But at the time of purchase, the main criterion for me was that the corner apartment is on the 12th floor and I think that it will be ventilated, but for some reason at that time I forgot that this apartment has a large loggia along all the street walls, which will possibly protect against cold, the loggia can be insulated. The corner apartment has an excellent view of the entire city. At the time of purchase and now I am aware of all the disadvantages of the apartment, which is on the 9th floor and I am ready to compare it with them - this is a street wall in one of the rooms, the window overlooks the neighboring house, it will be possible to look into the windows of the neighbors. On the plus side, the apartment's windows face two sides - one window looks out onto the neighboring house, the other two windows into the courtyard. One of the dubious advantages can be attributed to the layout according to the type of vest. I can’t get rid of the thought that I was given the opportunity to live in an apartment with a gorgeous view of the city; for me it’s like living in a luxurious mansion, in which even the door handles are gold. I didn’t take advantage of this opportunity and chose an ordinary apartment on the 9th floor. And for me this thought is an unrealized opportunity to kill, not a day goes by without me thinking about it. Help cope with the remorse itself.
Hello Elena, please help me with advice. I am a very indecisive person, I have been working in one place for many years, they seem to be talking about layoffs, but they don’t say anything specifically. At this job I feel free, but bored. There are days when I go to hard labor. The salary is still satisfactory. Recently I was offered a new place, a new or different interesting job, but the salary is lower. And now I am undecided, what to do? Go? What if I regret it later? If I don’t switch, they’ll lay me off and I’ll lose everything. I’ve already broken my head, I can’t sleep at night, help!