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Jealousy is one of the most powerful feelings that can destroy trust, tenderness, mutual understanding, and the ability to think adequately and listen to a partner. Scientists have proven that it affects the mental and physical health humans, causing increased anxiety, stomach pain, headaches, and digestive problems. Individuals prone to jealousy lose control of themselves during the next attack and may commit a crime.
Where does this destructive feeling come from? How to deal with it?
Sources of emotion
It is important to understand that most often the roots of this feeling are hidden deep in the subconscious of the jealous person and are not realized by him. In this case, the culprit is often not the husband or boyfriend, but the earlier events experienced.
A common cause of jealousy is low self-esteem, negativism towards oneself. Such a person needs daily proof that he is still loved. And a slight distance from the other half, the husband, is perceived as confirmation of one’s own uselessness, accompanied by a painful feeling of loneliness and worthlessness.
People who tend to be jealous are fixated on relationships, perceiving their lover as part of themselves. However, full-fledged relationships cannot be built on restricting the partner’s freedom. For a couple to exist harmoniously, everyone needs to have their own hobbies and desires.
In addition, the reason may be the susceptibility of the jealous person to betrayal. Jealous outbursts often occur in someone who has committed a given offense or intends to “go to the left.”
Negative experiences can also cause mistrust and anxiety. Negative attitudes, stretching from the past, determine the desire for manic control and complete mastery of the attention of the object of love.
The source of suspicion sometimes lies in stereotypical thinking, for example, that “all men cheat” or “women always go to the rich.”
It is important to develop the ability to control your emotions, because jealousy over time can lead to violence or breakup.
How to cope with yourself and stop being jealous?
Accept the fact of your jealousy without suppressing it. Mentally try to reproduce the situation that causes this feeling. By experiencing jealousy again, you can reduce the level of tension so that you can more easily cope with yourself in the future.
You can't be 100% sure that a relationship will last forever. Trying to find guarantees eternal love, we unknowingly destroy relationships. Only by being in the present moment, feeling all its delights, is it possible to be happy.
A husband or beloved boyfriend may see the situation completely differently. It is worth listening to him carefully, even if you have a strong desire to object.
If necessary, seek help from a specialist. If the jealous person becomes aggressive, try to leave the premises or call emergency services.
Jealous means he loves! Is this really so, let's try to figure it out.
Jealousy is a manifestation of feelings. But, unfortunately, it has nothing to do with love. After all, what is love? This is a manifestation of tenderness, affection, care, attention, guardianship, kindness, etc. These are pleasant emotions and tender feelings that you want to bestow on your chosen one. Jealousy has a completely different form of expression and is accompanied by a negative mood, often causing nervous breakdowns and a mood characteristic of depression. This is, to some extent, even an unhealthy desire to completely possess a person, to control all his actions. Due to the manifestation of jealousy, difficulties arise in relationships, because a person who experiences this feeling literally destroys everything around him, he prevents his partner from living, working, and communicating with people normally.
Why is jealousy dangerous?
- Jealousy not only destroys relationships, it completely kills all feelings. First, quarrels and scandals begin, which develop into constant negativity and distance from each other.- Jealousy is dangerous for the person who experiences it. Negative Impact on nervous system creates a feeling of apathy, uselessness, hopelessness. Frequent outbursts of anger, aggressive behavior, emotional scandals, constant mood swings - all this can provoke a nervous breakdown. Pathological attacks of jealousy can lead to serious mental illnesses that require medical supervision in specialized clinics.
- Jealousy is dangerous for the person towards whom it is felt. Constant negativity and clarification of relationships have a negative impact on the psychological and emotional state object of zealous attacks. In addition, there is a danger not only to the health, but sometimes even to the life of this person. After all, it is impossible to predict or understand the behavior of an aggressive person blinded by jealousy.
- Jealousy does not bring anything good and ultimately leads to people breaking up and remembering the years they lived together as the worst days of their lives.
How to suppress attacks of jealousy?
First of all, it is necessary to understand the reasons for the appearance of such a condition. Some have the character of an owner that they want to control every step of their significant other, some once suspected something was wrong and now check all the time, while others have the bitter experience of an earlier relationship where there was betrayal and betrayal, and now they have a fear of repetition a situation like this stuck firmly in my head.Often jealousy arises because a woman/man simply has nothing to do with himself. A lot of free time gives rise to various thoughts and, as life shows, these thoughts are often not very positive character. Also, feelings of jealousy can be a kind of manifestation of self-doubt. For example, a young mother is in maternity leave, all the time is spent on the child, and the husband at this time works in a women's team or in a company where there are attractive representatives of the fairer sex - and now there is a reason for jealousy.
There is no one and only recipe for jealousy. It will take long and hard work on yourself, control of emotions and moods. If a couple wants to maintain a relationship, then they will have to take more than one step to be able to understand and completely trust each other. You also need to remember that on your own, without support, a person is unlikely to be able to control himself. The support of a partner, his help and faith - these are the necessary companions, thanks to whom they overcome all life's adversities and obstacles.
Contents of the article:
What is jealousy?
Jealousy causes enormous suffering to the person who is subject to it, and if he does not being corrected, then ultimately inevitably destroys the relationship. In such cases, psychological help is necessary.
What is the difference between pathological jealousy?
Jealousy is a feeling that manifests itself to a greater or lesser extent in all couples and arises from the fear of losing the person we love. It is normal and arises as a result of love.
However, when jealousy is strong, appears periodically or unreasonably, we talk about pathological jealousy. This type of jealousy has more to do with the need for control and mistrust than with love.
Pathological jealousy has more to do with the need for control and mistrust than with love.
Obsessive jealousy creates a destructive spiral in a couple's relationship, leading to the deterioration of the relationship and in many cases ending in breakup. The problem is that a jealous person sees reality distortedly, which is why he sometimes exhibits inappropriate behavior. He dedicates most of their efforts and time to search for evidence of possible deception, rejecting any rational arguments. Thus, the behavior of a jealous person leads to what he fears: loss of a loved one.
How do you know if you are jealous?
Friedrich Hebbel, the German poet, said: " For everything a person has, he must pay dearly, even if it is only the fear of loss" This means that when we maintain valued relationships, we always experience some concern about the possible loss of a loved one. Sometimes this fear develops into jealousy. However, it is healthy jealousy because it involves acceptable and rational problem losses.
Healthy jealousy is that worry or fear of losing a loved one that does not cause us to lose our ability to reason. We may experience some anxiety, but this does not cloud our minds or lead us to irrational conclusions or make us imagine situations that do not exist. A person who feels healthy jealousy wants their partner to stay close to them, but will not try to control them. Moreover, such jealousy does not cause much discomfort or affect the relationship.
Healthy jealousy is that worry or fear of losing a loved one that does not cause us to lose our ability to reason.
However, pathological jealousy goes much further. This type of jealousy is unreasonable and can make a person obsessed, and the feeling from which he suffers can become the center around which his world revolves. As a result, she has negative impact on human behavior, generating hostility, self-pity and deep insecurity.
Why is it important to deal with jealousy?
A person who experiences intense jealousy demands that his partner not have emotional contact with anyone, sometimes even with his friends. To prevent this from happening, he devotes himself to monitoring his every move, sometimes even imposing absurd rules. This constant pressure becomes a time bomb because his partner feels trapped.
Symptoms of unhealthy jealousy
A jealous person does not always realize his problem, thinking that his jealousy is normal. However, the first step to overcoming jealousy is recognizing its existence. Therefore, it is important that you carefully read the following behaviors that are characteristic of pathological jealousy and analyze which of them you have:
- You have an excessive fear of losing your partner, which often makes you feel bad.
- You often think that your partner is cheating on you while being with another person.
- You carefully analyze your partner's behavior, looking for signs that indicate possible infidelity.
- Spy on your partner or violate the privacy of their correspondence, for example, by looking at their mobile messages or emails.
- Control your partner's life day by day.
- You hate your partner's friends and colleagues because he can spend time with them.
- Your jealousy has no basis in reality, but is based on imaginary situations or conclusions drawn from analyzing small details.
- Jealousy affects your life to the point that you get little sleep or suffer when your partner is not with you. Obsessing over possible infidelity or breakup is preventing you from living a happy life.
- You demand that your partner tell you everything he did during the day, looking for clues that will indicate possible deception.
- You often call your partner to find out what he is doing. When he doesn't answer, you feel like he's cheating on you.
- You constantly compare yourself to the people your partner is associated with on a daily basis because you are afraid of being inferior.
- You worry when your partner arrives later than usual, and immediately you decide that you are unfaithful and he has lost interest in your relationship.
What are the causes of jealousy?
The causes of morbid jealousy vary from one person to another, although it is usually based on low self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence. A jealous person does not believe that he is worthy of love, so any detail, look or delay is enough to ignite the fuse of jealousy.
A jealous person does not believe that he is worthy of love, so any detail, look or delay is enough to ignite the fuse of jealousy.
In many cases, this fear can stem from childhood, usually due to parents who were emotionally absent and did not meet the child's needs for protection and affection. In other cases, the lack of trust may be caused by a traumatic experience or humiliation that occurred in a previous relationship.
However, it has also been recognized that certain personality characteristics lie behind morbid jealousy, such as a lust for power and a tendency to exaggerate. These are people who tend to create a storm in a teacup. They also tend to have few social skills, so they think that if their partner leaves them, they won't be able to be happy or find someone else to love them. In fact, jealousy usually masks emotional dependence.
The destructive effects of jealousy
When jealousy is irrational, it becomes pathological. A person lives haunted by his fears, insecurities and suspicions. The thought that his partner might cheat or leave him puts him in a state of hypervigilance, looking for signs that confirm his worst fears. Obviously, a person living this way cannot be happy.
Why do you need to get rid of jealousy?
Some time passes and a point comes when this obsessive control becomes unbearable for the other person, so jealousy ends up causing irreparable damage to the relationship. The feeling of being watched and controlled sooner or later forces the partner to change his behavior, retreating first emotionally and then physically. Lack of confidence destroys any possibility of dialogue and stifles the other person.
At this moment, the torment and unhappiness that the jealous person experiences is so great that it destabilizes him emotionally. He can commit desperate acts: from physical aggression towards his partner to suicide. In fact, many of the cases of gender-based violence that appear in the news are motivated by morbid jealousy.
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Orthodox calendar
Wednesday, April 24, 2019(April 11, old style)
Holy Week
Great Wednesday.
Sschmch. Antipas, bishop Pergamum of Asia (c. 68)
Saints' Day:
Mchch. Processus and Martinian (c. 67). St. Farmufia (IV). St. John, disciple of St. Gregory Decapolitus (IX). Prpp. Jacob of Zheleznoborovsky (1442) and Jacob of Brylevsky, his associate (XV). St. Barsanuphius, bishop Tverskoy (1576).
Day of Remembrance of Confessors and New Martyrs of the Russian Church:
Sschmch. Nikolai Gavarin presbyter (1938).
Great Lent.
Marriages are not celebrated during Lent.
Readings of the day
Gospel and Apostle:
In the morning: - John 12:17-50 In lit.: -Ev.: Matthew 26:6-16
Psalter:
In the morning: - Ps.70-76; Ps.77-84; Ps.85-90 For eternity: - Ps.119-133
Love is driving force human life, but, unfortunately, it is often overshadowed by the manifestation of jealousy.
Jealousy is a natural feeling, but when it overwhelms a person, it becomes scary. destructive force. It is a mistake to think that the strength of jealousy depends on the strength of love, and than stronger man jealous, the more he loves. Jealousy can exist without love.
According to V.M. Tseluiko, Jealousy manifests itself in different phases love relationship . For some people, jealousy manifests itself already in the first phase of a love relationship, when the imagination draws perfect image loved one. The second phase of a love relationship - the phase of passion and fiery feeling - is the most favorable time to cause jealousy. Both partners are equally concerned about how their loved one treats them, and both are afraid of losing their loved one. The third phase of the development of love relationships is a period when feelings become calmer and the intensity of jealousy decreases.
Forms of manifestation of jealousy depend on the temperament of the individual. For example, choleric people, being hot-tempered and more aggressive people, react accordingly: they insult, threaten, track, blackmail. Phlegmatic people, as passive people, experience torment at the thought of possible betrayal, without advertising their feelings, and they do not experience aggression towards a partner or rival. Melancholic people experience jealousy most painfully; they can become so deeply immersed in their suffering that later life becomes unbearable for them.
Psychologists distinguish several types of jealousy:
According to A.N. Volkova, there are basic ways to overcome jealousy:
1) distraction by something significant for a person (study, work, hobby);
2) changing lifestyle, forming other life attitudes, conscious control over reactions of jealousy.
Remember that unreasonable jealousy is a direct path to betrayal. The more you limit your partner's freedom, the more he will strive to free himself from these shackles. By tormenting your partner with suspicions and attempts to control his behavior, you risk ruining the relationship.
In order to get rid of jealousy, you need to gain self-confidence. Stop comparing yourself to others. Increase your self-esteem and status in the family. This could be an attempt to realize yourself professionally, take care of your health, appearance, self-improvement, and get involved in society.
Develop autonomy from your partner, and, at the same time, organize joint leisure time, find common hobbies and interests. Discuss your common problems, tell me how you feel.
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