How to forget a loved one who betrayed you. How to forget a loved one: advice from a psychologist and practical recommendations
Relationships reach a dead end, misunderstandings and quarrels ruin the lives of both of you. The moment of unwelcome truth comes and you break up. This happens every day to hundreds of thousands of people. The main thing in such situations is to remember that life goes on. And you deserve happiness in this world! To enjoy it to the fullest, you cannot do without 7 steps that will help you quickly forget your loved one.
Step one
Accept the situation of separation. This means, on a rational level, to comprehend everything that happened, to reproduce in memory the moment of the break and to recognize its completion. But this should not be done with a touch of sentimentality.
Pull yourself together and write down on a piece of paper at least three prospects that open up for you in connection with the current circumstances.
It could be:
- admission to university;
- getting a job in another city that you dreamed of, but your significant other held you tightly;
- a trip to an unknown country that can open up new horizons for your personality. the emergence of free time from your “favorite”, which can be spent not on attention and care for him, but on your own self-development.
So, the goals have been set, all that remains is to get yourself in order to realize them. At this moment, your loved one is naturally still in your heart, but rehabilitation is still ahead.
Step two
Clear space. If you lived together, throw away all items that remind you of your loved one. It won't be easy and it will bring back a lot of memories, but once your apartment is free of the elements of his presence, extraordinary changes await you.
Even if you were just dating, there will be something to throw away: gifts in the form of teddy bears and other romantic little things, jewelry and photographs should be given to someone immediately.
So, you will free yourself as much as possible from unnecessary memories, the image of a sweetheart will appear in your memory less often.
In addition to transforming your home, it is very useful to change the environment more radically, at least temporarily:
- Arrange yourself a vacation in the form of a trip to the sea, to the mountains and other extraordinary places that the country is full of. Unity with nature can heal the deepest wounds.
- If you lead an active lifestyle, go hiking with a group: similar offers can be found on any hiking club website.
- If you like dancing and fun, get together with friends in another city or even country, go to a nightclub or a beach party, walk the streets, go to a cafe, meet new people.
By the way, about people: try to communicate only with your friends, and not with your loved one.
Only in a trusting atmosphere will your mental strength be restored, and your memory will erase old feelings.
Step three
After an emotional shock, you will feel differently. The next step is time to take care of yourself.
There are many options for making yourself feel good:
- Book an appointment for a manicure.
- Change your hairstyle or update your hair color.
- Treat yourself to a spa treatment in the salon or at home.
Besides this:
- Have a candlelit evening in a bubble bath with salt.
- Buy yourself some flowers, preferably in a pot: it’s practical, pleasant, and won’t cause unnecessary associations.
- Go to the cinema to watch a good film or invite a friend to watch a movie at home. It is important not to choose dramatic films, but rather stick to comedies.
In other words, do everything for yourself and remember: there is no such thing as too much pleasure. Then you will definitely not think about how to force yourself to forget the past, because time will be filled with enjoying the present.
Step four
A separate stage of restoring spiritual harmony is shopping. No woman ever felt bad about buying beautiful things.
Of course, the number of purchases directly depends on the budget, but at least one bright, feminine and attractive wardrobe item should be purchased.
But buying clothes while shopping is not an end in itself, because you can experience a lot of pleasant emotions from trying on all kinds of outfits. At the same time, it is important to try on not only things that suit your style, but also those that are completely opposite to those to which you are accustomed.
Step five
After numerous changes, think again about your ex's place in your life. Dot all the i’s, paying attention to the fact that before this person appeared in your destiny, you were also happy and you were able to receive a lot of joy and positivity without him, as evidenced by the results of recent weeks.
A complete rethinking of your position in the world and society, together with a clear understanding of your own value and uniqueness, will help you cross out the past and the feelings that it caused.
At this stage, it is important to understand that everything you did after the breakup was done for yourself, and not in order to attract his attention, take revenge, or show that you can be better.
Do not allow any categories of relationship in your head: there is you and there is him, whose paths have diverged forever, thanks to which your personal path can rise upward, to perfection, happiness and harmony with yourself and the world.
You can write down all your thoughts, tell them to a loved one, draw images that convey the real state of affairs: an outburst of emotions is necessary in order for the psyche to clear itself of accumulated negativity. As a result, you should come to the understanding that love failure is not the worst loss in life, because the main thing is not to lose yourself.
In this way, you can look at the situation and its place in your life from the outside, as an independent observer. Rest assured: at this moment you will have nothing to regret. And if you ever want to cry again about your unhappy fate, run from such thoughts to the street, to visit: anywhere where you can restore order in your head.
Step six
Sooner or later the time comes to take stock. Ask yourself, what lesson did you learn from your past relationship? Think about how you shouldn’t have behaved, what you shouldn’t have given in to, and, finally, what the true reason for the breakup was. Why is this necessary?
A new loved one will definitely appear in your life, new relationships will begin to develop, in which it is very important not to make past mistakes.
You may be entering a new stage of life, but crossed out feelings are one thing, and crossed out experiences are quite another. He is a good advisor who can help you preserve your new love, which will seem like the only one in your destiny.
Now, when asked whether it is possible to forget the person you love, you will definitely be ready to answer in the affirmative.
Step seven
Pay attention to the looks of men directed at you on the street, on public transport or at work. Make sure you are an attractive woman worthy of attention, love and affection. Start flirting without worrying about what others will think of you.
Of course, there is a limit to any coquetry; you should not overact or try to start a fleeting romance. Having done this, you will definitely regret the ruined relationship with an acquaintance or simply feel internal discomfort after its completion.
Now you are open to the world again, let the world open itself: maybe it has already prepared a surprise for you in the form of new feelings and relationships.
The question naturally arises of how long it takes to erase a former lover from your heart. This is purely individual and depends on the duration of the relationship, your character and external circumstances.
What not to do
In order to recover from a breakup as a painful period, you should under no circumstances:
- Hoping that everything will work out, waiting for your loved one to understand the mistake and return.
- Look for a meeting with your ex, try to talk and sort things out.
- Find out the details and details of his life.
- Reflect on his guilt, remember all the nasty things and quarrels.
- Hatch a plan for revenge: quarrel with his new passion, arrange a chance meeting when you are next to a handsome young man, and similar unnecessary actions.
- Compare other men to your ex and yourself to his new woman.
- Allow others to feel sorry for you or do it yourself.
- Considering that the best period of life is over and new relationships can no longer be built.
- Throw yourself into the maelstrom of love adventures.
I could advise many on how to love and how to forget the ex-boyfriend you love. The psychology of my own actions turned out to be a mystery when I personally found myself in a dead end. I couldn’t give myself an intelligible answer on how to be in a cold, lonely world without him, how to forget him and let go.
Exhausted. I just wanted your name to no longer reverberate through my whole body, not to carry through the feeling of your hands, not to hold me with a gentle voice on the phone, not to drag me into the abyss again. I wanted to understand, to tear him out of my heart. They say time heals. I found a time efficient way.
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan showed me how to forget the person you love but cannot be with.
I will share simple steps to salvation with those who are looking for a way to quickly forget the person you love. So that there are no more unhappy women's diaries and tears into the pillow.
How to forget a loved one - three simple steps
I'll run away from you, from myself. I can do it. The main thing is that you don’t catch up. When you hug me, I can't resist. This means I have to run far, but I can’t imagine how to forget love, how to wean myself from the person I love most.
When you rush around and first look for how to forget him, and an hour later - how to return him, it’s unlikely that anything will come of it. With system-vector psychology, I was able to separate my real desires from what had become an obsession, but no longer filled me with joy.
It finally became obvious what kind of relationship I dreamed of and what I could do for it. Finally, I was able to answer my question of how to forget a guy with a specific plan of action:
Step 1. Coping with painful memories.
Step 2. Learn to love truly.
Step 3. Realize the limitless possibility of being happy.
Why exactly these actions are instructions for a girl on how to forget her ex? The answers, clear and understandable, came to me at the System-Vector Psychology training by Yuri Burlan and pulled me out of the clutches of unhappy love.
How to forget a loved one after a breakup - readiness to reboot
Do you really want me to let you go?
I held on to my past love like claws. I thought I knew how everything worked in a relationship. I could advise many people on how to love the guy you love. The psychology of my own actions turned out to be a mystery when I personally found myself in a dead end. I couldn’t give myself an intelligible answer on how to be in a cold, lonely world without him, how to forget him and let go.
After all, you are the only one to whom I confessed my love! How to leave the man you love? When you can’t control yourself, how can you forget the person you love? Psychology is needed here, or maybe something else that would give me a recipe for how to forget the guy I like.
Features of the psyche that do not allow you to forget
If you fall in love, then forever. The owner is for consistency. Her psyche is comfortable in familiar conditions with people she has known for a long time in predictable circumstances. So with all my being I wanted eternal love, so that I wouldn’t have to get used to a person again. I was ashamed to even imagine that one day I would be able to confess to someone else a feeling that had already been given to the very first one.
I still love him, I strive like a small pin to a big magnet. How to forget when remembering you is the only thing that makes you happy now?
A girl with an anal vector is more comfortable in the past than in the present. What happened had a special charm for her. And the future uncertainty makes you feel sick. This is why it is so difficult for psychologically inflexible hostages of the first experience to get out of past relationships. But there is a reliable way to reconfigure yourself.
How to stop loving a man? I was able not to suffer and let go of my ex-boyfriend, using my memory not to harm myself, but to benefit others. System-vector psychology allowed me to realize that I can do much more than just replay moments from the past in my head and drown deeper and deeper in the quagmire of memories.
There is no need to fight the natural qualities of the anal vector.
Excellent memory, the value of the past, attention to detail are not given to us so that we get stuck in the past. It is worth using them for their intended purpose - for the benefit of society:
- learn, become a professional,
- transfer important knowledge to others.
I immersed myself in interesting work, the properties of my memory began to work in the right direction, and I was finally freed from the painful memories that were ruining my life. I remember what connected us with him, but it is no longer clouded by grievances, but filled with bright gratitude for pleasant moments. With such support, you can move further on the path to happiness.
Emotional dependence - how to wean yourself off the person you love
Here it is, the stormy sea I've been waiting for! But love turned into a destructive tsunami. Keep! But for what? There is nothing. Only blue eyes beckon to nowhere. And I can’t imagine how you can forget the man you love?
My beloved was the whole essence of life for me. How could I continue to live if he was not with me? All owners just want to splash in the sea of love. But for some, for some reason, it dries out or becomes so stormy that you can barely stay afloat. Without it you are like a fish on the shore. And why do you think love causes so much suffering?
Maybe it hurts because you strive for love, but something completely different is born?
System-vector psychology instills the skill to distinguish between concepts:
Do you feel the difference? Emotional addiction occurs when I want self-love and can’t get enough. But true love does not demand, but gives feelings to another. If the chosen one does not need them, it means that something did not coincide in the settings of feelings. You can solve this problem by realizing the peculiarities of your internal structure and learning to give feelings where they are needed. Only then will the exchange of feelings be a pleasure.
How to forget a loved one? Systemic advice from a psychologist: emotional dependence is cured by true love.
I deeply realized that the place of love is not only in couple relationships. But even in a store where a lonely grandmother cannot see the expiration date of milk, in a hospital where a child does not see sunlight, in a parental home in need of filial care - everywhere there is a place for the manifestation of a sensitive, responsive visual soul that wants to give love.
So many people desperately need human warmth! Those with a visual vector have it in abundance. It is when you empathize and work with your soul that you become happy. Inside yourself, surrounded by other people and as a couple. You acquire the skill of giving love and enjoying the realization of your natural properties.
How to forget your loved one and love life itself
System-vector psychology made it possible to realize: we have more than one potential soul mate and the possibilities of being happy are endless. Then what prevents you from being happy?
Relationships don't work out over and over again because:
- Our own condition provokes failures on the personal front.
I didn't know myself. And the feeling of melancholy, dissatisfaction with life and with oneself was projected onto the relationship, turning it into misfortune for both. I kept hoping that happiness would fall from the sky, instead of knowingly building it myself.
When a woman knows herself and understands her partner, she becomes able to build relationships without accusations, without anger. She doesn’t whine, doesn’t throw hysterics, doesn’t get offended, but enjoys life and attracts a man who can realize himself and make his beloved happy.
- We do not know how to build close relationships, even if we are initially suitable for each other.
It became so easy when we managed to figure out the issue once and for all. The psychologist's advice also showed how to build new, warm, close relationships. The secret is in the emotional connection that invisibly binds two hearts. It was as if I had found myself in a sea of feelings where I couldn’t find the bottom, I found what I was looking for - I understood what truly happy experiences in a couple relationship are.
The article was written based on training materials “ System-vector psychology»
But anyone who has encountered this at least once in their life knows from their own experience that these tips do not work. What can be achieved if you follow them is to push the painful experience deep down, and cover it with visible well-being on top. It looks like a deep wound that was healed superficially, but the internal pain was forgotten to be removed. It is invisible, but it hurts and eats away the soul from the inside.
Any psychologist will tell you that there is only one path to recovery - to survive the separation from your husband or the man you still love - this is to fully and deeply do the necessary work of grief. And then you will grow, be renewed, live a full life, come out of a difficult situation with valuable experience, and gain strength and wisdom. The wound will not disappear without a trace - a scar will form in its place, but it will remind you of your strength and perseverance, and not of pain and suffering. After all, scars are stronger than skin.
The best thing to do if breaking up with a loved one is causing you great pain is to consult a psychologist and get professional help. Do not believe if they offer you quick healing in 1-5 meetings. No matter how much you want to get rid of the pain as quickly as possible, you need to do the work of grief, and every wounded soul needs its own time.
Advice: choose a psychologist who works with grief seriously and deeply, who will listen to you carefully and with understanding, who you will completely trust, who will be ready to worry with you as much as you need.
If you do not have the opportunity to contact a psychologist or for some reason you do not want to, then you can take the following steps.
Three simple steps on how to forget the person you love, but he doesn’t love you:
Step 1 – accept the situation as it is. This is the first and most difficult step. A girl who is going through a breakup with her lover usually lives in the past. She remembers happy moments with her boyfriend or man. If she loved, she had expectations about a future together, she dreamed of marrying him, having a family and children, and living happily for many years.
She refuses to believe what happened and tries to live as before, as if a man or boyfriend were with her. Accepting that it’s all destroyed is very difficult and painful. However, sooner or later this will have to be done.
Advice: look at the situation from the reality of today: yes, it happened; yes, the past life is destroyed; yes, a miracle will not happen. Acceptance is usually accompanied by a feeling of disorientation and chaos.
Step 2 – let your feelings out. Usually this is resentment, anger, rage. Don't push them deep into yourself. They must come out. In women, these feelings usually pour out with streams of tears.
Advice: Cry! Pour out the rivers, the oceans of your pain. If you feel angry, throw it out! Hit the dishes, growl, scream! Tear the sheet! Stomp on the pillow! Feelings for a guy or a man who needs to be forgotten must come out of you.
Step 3 – Tell your story. It doesn’t matter if it’s a friend or a random person you meet in a cafe. Get an intuitive sense of who you can trust with your story. Grief is a universal experience for all people, and you are more likely to be heard. Once is usually not enough.
Advice: tell as many times as necessary so that the wound heals and you can forget your ex-husband or boyfriend whom you once loved very much.
Usually, after completing these stages, a person experiences sadness and a bright emptiness. This means that you have already accepted the situation and let go of the past. Now you are on the threshold of a new life.
And lastly, how not to remember the beloved man whom you still love. In the past, you had many happy, wonderful moments with this person. Yes, the relationship is over. But you have known joy, love, happiness, delight, a lot of light and beauty. After all, this happened in your life thanks to this person.
Now you can keep these wonderful bright memories for yourself as resources for the future. Thank life for this gift and try to forget the person you loved so much. Move on. On your way you will meet many more amazing things!
The relationship has passed, there has been a breakup, it hurts... How long will this pain last? Is it really going to drag you “back, which no longer exists”? Is there someone just as good, or even better? How long does it take to forget someone? All these questions are very standard for separated people. Let's try to figure them out.
The standard of leaving and forgetting
The standard recommendation goes like this: measure the time from the beginning of the relationship to its end, take the middle, and find out how long it will take to “forget” the person. What does “forget” mean? First of all, this means to “get rid of him” emotionally.
It seems simple. You were in a relationship for two years - after a year you’ll cool down and be ready for adventures on the love front again.
In fact, it turns out that there is a whole orchestra of factors at play here.
Minimum time, maximum or “average”?
It is extremely difficult to name a minimum time. However, if, according to your inner feelings, you “hurried” into a new relationship (not only “from romance to romance,” “from bed to bed,” but also after a short period of emptiness and life in the single style), you will most likely be disappointed.
The fact is that you didn’t take into account how long it takes to forget a person - to:
- unhook from “favorite music”, “favorite places”;
- forget that it was this person who spoke exactly these pleasant words - they seem to sound like “his” or “her” voice;
- stop flinching at the slightest hint of a close relationship (especially if the previous ones were filled with negativity - pain, disappointment, shame, guilt);
- stop looking for “tricks” and “hidden meanings” in what a new person says.
On the other hand, you can easily extend this time to an unimaginable “maximum” by creating a “favorite skeleton in the closet” from your former partner. You can cherish old love (but in reality, painful experiences) for 5 or 10 years - even for the rest of your life.
But the average figure is about half the time of the relationship (and that depends on what kind of relationship - whether they lived together, were married, whether there were children, or only met for five years in the “once a month - hello - bye” mode).
What else is important to do during this “average cooling time”?
When calculating how long it takes to forget someone you once loved, it is very important to remember the following.
To fall in love, you must first fall in love.
To fall in love is to be enchanted.
To be enchanted, you need something sort of see in another person.
Usually this is something good, some important, valuable qualities.
Less often (but it also happens) it’s something bad. This is how mistresses and lovers await their “future halves” from an official marriage. This is how unhappy lovers in cold, rejecting people “catch up” with those who “did not understand what happiness has befallen him/her.”
However, the main part of this mechanism is to first “throw” into the other person something , come up with the fact that he/she has it, and then -
- be enchanted
- fall in love
- fall in love
- can't forget...
In terms of Gestalt therapy, this “something” is called projection.
Literally: Based on actions, reactions, words, facial expressions, or even without them, one person comes up with something about another.
And he understands: “I need this!”
After the breakup it was this “beloved” part and haunts me the most.
A man walks, suffers, looking at the Image of a beautiful (less often, I remind you, terrible) loved one and sighs. Tolerates. Suffering. Optionally - for years.
At the same time, projection has a curious basis - supposedly from myself/myself this - No or few.
As a result, it is important to return, appropriate
- the right to be tender, loving, touching;
- the right to be a vulnerable, vulnerable, reverent, sensitive person;
- other important qualities, even exotic (rigor, loyalty, honesty, recklessness, gaiety).
All that you liked about your partner is to return to yourself.
How does this work in life?
How long this will take depends on how well you “kick”, “rest”, and resist this process. And also - how carefully you go through it, whether you are shirking, smearing your snot, instead of sitting down and thinking.
If you like to slack off, but don't like the feeling of pain,
if you understand that it not only cripples, but also heals - another caring person,
I invite you to shorten your grieving time to what is optimal for you.
Under my sensitive supervision, with my concern, your wounds will heal faster and more reliably. Dressings, soothing “ointments” for the soul are available. Come on, it will be bitter.
But then it will become easier.
And after some time, which it will take to forget the person you once loved, your heart itself will ask you to meet someone interesting, new, pleasantly unfamiliar!
This always happens.
As I wrote to a client in response to her question - “Will I ever be able to fall in love again” - “Where are you going to go, fall in love and get married!”
Write in personal to
— Emotional reasons that prevent you from letting go of your previous relationship
— Cognitive reasons that prevent you from forgetting a loved one
— Three simple steps on how to forget the person you love
— Advice from a psychologist: 7 simple rules
1) Unlived emotions of grief, sadness over parting.
There is no need to try to repress sadness, grief, pain, “not to feel.” These feelings must be experienced in order to complete the grief of loss. And parting is a loss. Allow yourself to cry, allow yourself to grieve. There is no need to pretend to be a “” or a “strong man” who has no feelings.
2) An unexpressed feeling of resentment, anger towards the person.
Often after a breakup, mental dialogues are held with the former partner, grievances and complaints are expressed. Write a letter to your ex-love: describe everything why you are angry with her. After you have written the letter, add three P.S. Sometimes in postscripts people write the most important thing that they would like to say. Afterwards, tear up or burn the letter; there is no need to send it to the addressee.
— Cognitive reasons that prevent you from forgetting a loved one
1) The conviction that this person is the best and you will never find another as good.
Try to look at the situation objectively: if the relationship ended, most likely there were some difficulties in it. Maybe this person is really very good, but is not right for you. And you don't know every man and every woman on Earth to be able to confidently say that one or the other was the best.
2) Lack of faith that you can still love someone.
In a situation of emotionally incomplete relationships, experiences and feelings for another person, it is useless to imagine someone else with whom it will be good in the future. This someone will seem gray, awkward and generally unsuitable. In a state of attachment to another person, it is difficult to imagine that you will love another, but because it is difficult to imagine, one should not conclude that it is impossible. Reality and real people are much more diverse than our imagination.
3) “Tying” your hopes and plans for the future to this person.
They need to be “untied” from him. Make a list of plans that you have associated with this person (and continue to do so) and, step by step, for each task or plan, draw a different perspective. For example: “We were going to go to the sea in the summer,” alternative: “I’ll go to the sea with a friend.”
— Three simple steps on how to forget the person you love
Step 1 – accept the situation as it is.
This is the first and most difficult step. Look at the situation from today's reality: yes, it happened; yes, the past life is destroyed; yes, a miracle will not happen. Acceptance is usually accompanied by a feeling of disorientation and chaos.
Step 2 – give free rein to your feelings.
Usually this is resentment, anger, rage. Don't push them deep into yourself. They must come out. Advice: Cry! Pour out the rivers, the oceans of your pain. If you feel angry, throw it out! Hit the dishes, growl, scream! Tear the sheet! Stomp on the pillow! The feelings have to come out of you.
Step 3 – Tell your story.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a friend or a random person you meet in a cafe. Get an intuitive sense of who you can trust with your story. Grief is a universal experience for all people, and you are more likely to be heard. Once is usually not enough. Tell it as many times as necessary for the wound to heal.
Usually, after completing these stages, a person experiences sadness and a bright emptiness. This means that you have already accepted the situation and let go of the past. Now you are on the threshold of a new life.
There are several secrets that will significantly ease the period of separation, and perhaps quite quickly allow you to get out of a critical state.
To do this, you just need to follow simple rules:
1) Make a firm decision.
First, you should realize that continuing the relationship does not make sense. It is important to reach a kind of “point of no return” and say to yourself: “Stop! It's time to get out of this." This even applies to situations where you are simply suffering from unrequited love. You need to clearly realize that you no longer want to suffer for this person.
2) Make room for a new life.
Before you forget your loved one, you should understand why you need it. What is bright and good that should replace former love? Often, after breaking up with her beloved, a girl unconsciously continues to maintain a relationship with him in her thoughts. You need to imagine and explain to yourself what good things can happen in life after a breakup.
3) Learn a useful lesson.
There is a very important point in how to forget the person you like - to learn and understand a lesson for yourself. This means that you need to answer the questions: “Why did I meet this person? What did he bring to my life?” If you do not identify these key conclusions for yourself, then it is likely that the situation will repeat itself next time.
We always attract the same type of people into our lives, so a failed relationship with one person should teach you a useful lesson for correcting the situation in the future.
4) Ex-love is not perfect!
You need to force yourself to find the negative sides of your relationship. Think: was everything so perfect and wonderful? Most likely, there will be many shortcomings, unpleasant memories, and moments that made you feel resentment and frustration in previous relationships.
5) Recognize that everything is in the past.
After you have gone through the stages of learning a lesson and realizing that your loved one is far from ideal, you can mentally say goodbye to him. Send his image to the archive, let it become a part of the past. Personality psychology confirms that you can forget a person only by realizing that he remains in the past. It was good and wonderful, but it’s already passed, it’s over.
6) Get distracted by something new and interesting.
Becoming is not an option. But distraction is definitely important. It’s better if you appear among people more often and do something pleasant and interesting. It could be travel, entertainment, a hobby. Perhaps you will even find yourself and your calling in a new hobby faster. After all, it is known that any crisis is a new opportunity.
7) Understand that the best healer is time.
Even doctors say that time heals. Living in anticipation and hope for the return of a loved one means turning your life into an insignificant existence. Better believe and check that the best doctor is time. Let go of the situation and allow time to take control of it. You will definitely be able to survive the separation, fall in love again and become truly happy.
All of the above recommendations boil down to the fact that those who realize that life does not end can cope with the problem of separation, they must continue to live, work, relax, and do what they love.
Just passed another stage of life. And very soon a new future and new mutual love will appear.
The material was prepared by Dilyara specifically for the site
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