How to understand people. How to learn to understand people
The better you understand people, the fewer disappointments you will encounter along the way. Being enchanted, we endow a person with qualities that are unusual for him, and we are surprised by unexpected actions and words. Learn to see people in their true light.
Sometimes we hear people say: “I know you well!” - "How so? - we are surprised. “Someone claims that they see right through me, but I don’t really know myself.” I thought I was brave, but yesterday I was a coward. I thought I was calm, but today.”
How to understand both yourself and people
Radical option
Vladimir Vysotsky in “Song about a Friend” advised doing this:
“If a friend suddenly turns out to be
And not a friend, and not an enemy, but so,
If you don't understand right away
Is he good or bad?
Pull the guy to the mountains, take a risk,
Don't leave him alone
Let him be in a relationship with you,
There you will understand who he is."
And if he “immediately went limp and down, stepped onto the glacier and wilted, stumbled - and screamed, ... don’t scold him - drive him away.” “And when you fell from the rocks, he groaned, but held on... so, just like yourself, rely on him.”
A good way to get to know your friends better, but too extreme. The same as “go on reconnaissance together.”
An option that takes time but does not guarantee results
According to the saying, in order to get to know a person well, you need to “eat a pound of salt” with him, that is, at least 16 kilograms. According to physiologists, on average, each person eats 5 kg of salt per year. This means that it will take them almost 2 years to get to know each other better.
Option three: rely on first impressions
People say: “the most true thing”, “The first thought is from God, the second is from the devil.” “The Iron Lady” noted: “It takes me 10 seconds to form my impression of a person, and in the future it very rarely changes.”
However, not all people think like Thatcher, and in the same way as her. Therefore, along with the statement that the first impression is the most correct, there is another: “The first impression is deceiving.”
Option four: folk wisdom
A young man once asked a wise old man: “How to learn to understand people: who should be afraid of and who should be afraid of?” “First I’ll tell you who to fear,” said the old man. - Most of all, fear the meekest, the most pious and humble, the one who flatters you, embraces you and swears fidelity. He will be the first to betray you." “Whom to trust then?” the young man asked in surprise. “Trust the one who says, no matter what it is. He will be the first to come to your aid,” answered the old man.
Option five: learn from the classics
German psychiatrist Karl Leonhard developed a classification of characters, which he described in the first part of the monograph “Accented Personalities.” There are demonstrative personalities here, excitable ones, anxious ones, pedantic ones, and many others. The most accurate conclusions about personality type, wrote Karl Leonhard, are made on the basis of observation and interview.
In the second part of the monograph, which is called “Personality in Fiction,” he analyzes the characters of the heroes of the works of classics of world literature: Dostoevsky, Honore de Balzac, Leo Tolstoy, etc.
Doctor of Psychology Arkady Egides also gives his advice on how to understand people in the book “How to understand people, or Psychological drawing of a personality.”
“Why is this necessary?” he asks. And he himself answers: “To know what to expect from them, in order to interact with them correctly, as well as on them. By describing in detail different psychotypes, the author gives us the opportunity to understand them so that we can see in people, protect ourselves from and manage the situation.
One example: if a person of a hysterical type screams how much he hates you and leaves “forever,” know that he will certainly return as soon as you show increased attention to him. If the epileptoid silently collects his things and leaves, this could really be forever.
“How to understand people?” - this question usually begins to worry us only after we make a big mistake about someone. We thought that there was a reliable person next to us, but in difficult times he disappeared. And vice versa - someone we didn’t even hope for offered his help. “After all, there are probably some signals and signs by which we can recognize what kind of person is in front of us,” we think. Yes, they exist, but we don’t notice them and continue to step on the same rake.
1. Body language and facial expressions
First of all pay attention to , gestures and facial expressions our interlocutor. The Australian writer, also known as “Mr. Body Language,” talks in detail about how to read the thoughts of others by their gestures in his book “Body Language.” From it you can find out what clasped fingers, arms crossed on the chest, stroking the chin, rubbing the eyelids and much more mean. And if we are an attentive reader, a good student and an observant person, we can easily guess the true intentions of our interlocutor.
2. Next, we determine temperament
Who is in front of us? Sanguine, choleric, phlegmatic, melancholic? (Of course, people with one or the other in a pure form are very rare; usually they are mixed types with a predominance of one.)
Our friend - ? He is disorganized, but active and cheerful. ? Let's not reproach him for pessimism and drag him into noisy companies. ? Let's ask him to help resolve the conflict situation, because phlegmatic people are peacemakers. ? No wonder he likes to give orders.
Emotionally stable sanguine people get along well with emotionally unstable melancholic people, and emotionally stable phlegmatic people complement unstable choleric people.
3. Rely on intuition
It is called intuition, sixth sense, inner voice, premonition. We say that we sense danger in our hearts and feel trouble with our skin. Sometimes we brush this feeling aside, but later we most often regret it.
The person has charmed us, and we stubbornly refuse to notice the signals being given. This may be restlessness, anxiety, a feeling of goosebumps running down the back, discomfort. Something worries us, but we ignore our inner voice. But in vain, because he rarely makes mistakes.
True, not everyone has developed intuition. But this can be easily corrected by reading “Development of Intuition. How to make the right decisions without doubt and stress” by English psychologist Guy Claxton.
4. Dropping the masks
“We were such good friends, we were inseparable, but then we went to the seaside together and it turned out that she had a disgusting character. She’s petty, grumpy, always dissatisfied with everything,” one friend complains to another. “I could hardly stand it and I don’t want to see her anymore!” “It’s simply impossible!” the second one is offended.
What happened? The girls left their comfort zone, found themselves in an unusual situation, and had to deviate from their usual behavioral patterns. Essentially, they dropped their masks and showed their real selves, namely: selfish, intolerant, unable to build relationships and get out of them without moral losses.
Another example. In a small work team, one of the employees lost a brand new smartphone. She insisted that she had it with her this morning, which means it was stolen by one of her colleagues. Before our eyes, the sweet, friendly girl turned into an angry fury, who had complaints against everyone. The next day she apologized because the ill-fated smartphone was found at home, she simply forgot it. But, as the joke says, “the spoons were found, but the sediment remained.”
If we want to get to know a person better, then the more extraordinary the situation in which we find ourselves with him, the less he is prepared for it, the greater the chance that he will open up and show his inner essence.
Oksana Sergeeva.
How to learn to understand people? 49 simple rules
Introduction
A person's character is a book with many encrypted and lost pages. We usually judge people rashly, based on their first impression, which is often deceptive. A lot of time passes before we really understand what kind of person is in front of us, what motivates him, why he behaves this way and not otherwise. After some time, our attitude towards a person can change radically: bores turn into the most interesting people for us, and people who at first seemed funny and attractive turn out to be banal buffoons from a cheap booth.
The ability to understand people is a whole science. We will proceed from the idea that there are no good and bad people: we will not condemn anyone and label anyone as a loser or a coward, condemn a person, judge him. We will simply help you find your approach to people with different characters, with different life principles and moral values. We will make an attempt to understand the diversity of human individualities. And then it’s up to you to choose: do you want to communicate with this particular person, put up with his shortcomings, try to appreciate his few advantages or not.
In life, we often encounter difficulties in communicating with different types of people. We will talk about how to overcome these difficulties, how to make communication with any person pleasant and useful. When communicating with people around you, you must remember that each person has his own style of communication, his own way of expressing thoughts. If you take into account the specific personality characteristics of each specific interlocutor, then you will definitely be able to find a common language with any person, you will master the science of being liked and will be able to achieve your goals during communication. We will help you with this.
Chapter 1
Emotions and feelings are the mirror of the human soul
To understand what kind of person is in front of you, you must first of all pay attention to how he expresses his emotions, which feelings dominate in him, and which are not developed at all. After all, emotions and feelings are a person’s attitude to the world, an expression of his desires and interests. You can draw a conclusion about a person’s character by finding out what causes positive emotions in him and what is the subject of negative emotions.
Rule #1
Can a person express his emotions: about emotional and hyper-emotional people
Based on a person’s ability to express their emotions, we divide people into emotional and unemotional. The former are quite sensitive to what is happening around them, their sensory world is diverse, they express their attitude towards the world and others through all sorts of emotions - anger, despondency, melancholy, tenderness, etc.
There is an opinion that emotional people are easier to communicate with and it is easier to approach them. There is no need to ask them whether they liked the movie they just watched or the new employee who joined your company. The emotions that overwhelm them burst out on their own.
An emotional person is in a hurry to talk about his impressions and experiences. This certainly makes communication with them attractive: it is always interesting to be with them.
But sometimes excessive emotionality is an irritating factor for others. If emotions do not allow a person to calm down, he needs to throw them out on someone. Emotional people are constantly looking for an object on which to dump the burden of impressions from a conversation they just experienced with their boss or from a quarrel with a saleswoman in a store. Such obsession and emotional outbursts can not only irritate you, but cause your emotional fatigue (it’s as if you yourself are experiencing the emotions of a stranger). Hyper-emotional people, as a rule, express their emotions regardless of the desire of others to listen to them - this is vital for them. But it’s not always pleasant for others, especially if the emotions are negative.
How to communicate correctly with emotional and over-emotional people? First of all, remember that they need to be listened to, they need to express everything that has accumulated. Therefore, you should listen to them, but do not get carried away by their experiences. Be a little selfish: pretend that you are listening to them and are absorbed in their emotional story, but under no circumstances take everything you hear to heart. Emotional people tend to exaggerate. If their story takes too long, don’t be afraid to stop them, interrupt them, citing your busyness.
Rule #2
How to communicate correctly with unemotional individuals: about people without emotions
People who are unemotional tend to limit the range of expressed emotions to a minimum. They show their emotionality only in extraordinary, stressful situations. In ordinary life, they are not inclined to demonstrate their experiences.
It can be difficult for us to understand a person’s feelings, to understand his attitude to surrounding objects, and even to ourselves, if he does not openly express his emotions. Emotional people seem mysterious and secretive to us; it seems that they have something evil on their mind. It’s not for nothing that the best spies and secret agents are excellent at hiding their emotions. The ability to hide one’s feelings makes a person practically invulnerable: we cannot understand what kind of person is in front of us, and therefore we begin to fear him. Sometimes you have to study it for a long time before it becomes clear how it relates to a particular phenomenon, person or event. The emotions of another person give us a good idea of his inner world: we can determine how he lives, what he feels. But if our interlocutor is stingy in expressing his emotional experiences, then we become uncomfortable in his company, we don’t know what to expect from him.
In fact, unemotional people do not hide anything, do not hide anything from others, they are just used to expressing their attitude towards the world differently: not through emotions, but through thoughts.
The difficulty of communicating with unemotional people is largely exaggerated. Indeed, people of this type will not immediately talk about their experiences; it is not easy to determine from them how they relate to others: they can skillfully hide their sympathy or hostility. Non-emotional individuals are, as a rule, people with a well-developed intellectual sphere - they feel little, but think well, they prefer to express their view of what is happening, having weighed and analyzed everything well. Their attitude to the world is always more thoughtful and reasonable than that of emotional people. It is quite easy to find an approach to such people - you just need to push them to talk about their impressions. Try asking them what they think about this or that matter. In a conversation with people of this type, you should not resort to questions related to assessing their emotional perception; it is easier for them to express their attitude to the subject of conversation in the form of unemotional and well-reasoned conclusions.
Rule #3
What emotions predominate in a person: about people with a positive attitude
In life, we encounter a variety of situations that make us experience a variety of emotions - positive and negative. A person who has received a charge of positive energy is considered a more pleasant and interesting interlocutor. Is it so?
Positive people are in some way a source of recharge, they can improve your not very good mood, they are willing to make contact. Of course, it cannot be denied that people who get off the wrong foot, feel great, get to work without traffic jams, and, in general, are charged with positive energy for the whole day, become somewhat selfish in communicating with others. They believe that a great start to the day automatically means that the whole day should be excellent: colleagues and loved ones are happy, the boss is in a good mood, the weather is great. They see everything in rosy terms, protect themselves from unnecessary worries and conflicts, wanting to maintain their good mood longer. Therefore, they may miss, for example, the fact that you are in some kind of trouble or are not feeling well. Forgive them for this.
How to communicate with positive-minded people? You shouldn’t run after this person all day, hoping that they will give you your portion of positive energy. The best behavior is to encourage your colleague or loved one throughout the day, as if supporting his positive attitude, find his jokes successful, give compliments - and then you will feel that you yourself are very well recharged for the whole day. Don't gloat if your morning didn't bring you as many positive emotions. Carriers of positive emotions are not an eternal Energizer battery; their mood can quickly change if it is not stimulated. If you try to maintain this positive light at work or at home, then you yourself will be charged with positive energy, but if you immediately extinguish it out of envy or irritability, then you will establish an atmosphere of hostility and discomfort.
Rule #4
What emotions predominate in a person: about people with a negative attitude
It is generally accepted that it is easier to communicate with positive people than with people experiencing negative emotions. But what about people who are usually negative? Is it worth communicating with them or is it better to avoid all contact?
It is much more difficult to approach people who are negative, as they are embittered and filled with negative emotions.
Remember one thing: you should not ignore a person who is filled with negative energy. If you don’t try to help him relieve stress at the very beginning, then this negativity will definitely begin to spread to others. Of course, you should not act as a psychotherapist and run to your loser colleague and demand that he tell you what is bothering him.
But this does not mean that you cannot help him: you can defuse the situation and remove the negativity by showing basic human attention, for example, treating him to your delicious flower tea or providing assistance not as a service, but as a friendship and doing a small part of his work, unless, of course, it's a burden to you.
Rule #5
Are human emotions active: about sthenics and asthenics
People who have predominant active emotions, such as joy, anger, anger, etc., are usually called sthenics. Their emotions always cause an upsurge of strength, excitement, and tension. In contrast to them, asthenics are people who experience emotions that suppress vigorous activity and reduce a person’s energy, for example, melancholy, sadness, despondency, depression.
It is very easy to distinguish sthenics from asthenics. The former, under the influence of their experiences, are capable of active actions. For example, the pleasure of playing music makes sthenics want to sing along and dance to the beat, while asthenics are limited to facial expression of their emotions (half-smile, smile, closed eyes). Fear, for example, forces a sthenic to mobilize all his real and potential capabilities. The asthenic, experiencing fear, enters into a stupor.
Difficulties in communication arise if they communicate with each other, i.e. one of the interlocutors is asthenic, the other is asthenic. You can master the science of communicating with a representative from another group if you begin to take into account his difference from you, his special, specific traits that you do not possess.
When communicating with a stenik, you should not be surprised by his vigorous activity and desire to actively express his emotions. Be tolerant of the fact that your interlocutor will be in a state of constant emotional stress. If something outrages him, he will definitely be outraged “out loud”; if he is happy, then very actively; if he gets angry, it will be in such a way that others will notice it. You shouldn’t stop the stenik and ask him to behave more modestly. The most correct model of behavior is to wait out the “storm”, give him the opportunity to speak out, express his emotions. The advantages of communicating with asthenics: they are active, easy-going, most often positive-minded, quite mobile, and more sociable than asthenics.
Asthenics may seem unemotional people in appearance. But in fact, they experience more restrained emotions, which do not push them to active activity; they are more passive and motionless. Sometimes they are said to be boring, always sad and dreary. When communicating with such people, it is best not to put pressure on them, not to insist on a more active expression of emotions (for example, you would like your asthenic interlocutor to express his anger openly, and not just mutter something under his breath; for an asthenic person – this is an impossible task). You need to get used to the fact that their emotions are expressed in a boring way. There are also advantages to communicating with asthenics: their emotions are more stable than those of asthenics. They are characterized by deep internal concentration, which indicates the thoughtfulness of their actions. They prefer to first analyze their impressions, and only then take specific actions.
Rule #6
How to communicate with people in a good or bad mood: about people with a constant emotional background
Each person has his own emotional background, which we call mood. In life we meet people with a positive emotional background and a negative one. Simply put, we have to communicate with people who are always in a good mood or always in a bad mood.
People of the first group are easy to communicate with - those who are usually in a good mood. These people are quite positive about communication, they often smile. It is very easy to find an approach to such people: they are quite open and are happy to make contact. You can talk to them on almost any topic. Although there are also disadvantages in communicating with these people: they are not easily alarmed, their positive emotional background is quite stable, so do not expect sincere condolences from them if you suddenly tell them about your grief or life difficulties. Most often, such people avoid conversations on “sad” topics or do not take them seriously.
Communicating with people who are always in a bad mood is not a pleasant experience. We feel like talking to them can ruin our own mood. We give such people the most unpleasant nicknames behind their backs - “grump”, “grumpy”, etc. In the team they often turn out to be black sheep, since they are not liked. Remember that their bad mood should not be interpreted as a reluctance to communicate with other people. They also need communication. In order for communication with such people to bring certain results, so that your conversation is not a burden to either you or your interlocutor, adhere to the following rules.
Don't try to cheer up your gloomy interlocutor. Such people don't need it. Remember that their bad mood is not a consequence of any troubles or life problems, this is their normal state. Your attempt, for example, to tell them a joke will be perceived negatively, your efforts will not be appreciated, you will definitely not hear the desired laughter at the end of your story, but will encounter bewilderment on the part of your interlocutor. Such people can only be cheered up by a very joyful event that will be directly related to them. Don't ask them to smile back when you smile. This is not typical for people with a constant negative emotional background. Even if they follow your advice, their smile will look unnatural.
You will have to get used to their specific attitude towards the world around them: they question everything. Their life credo: expect a blow from life at any moment.
Such people are not always failures in life. A bad mood can be characteristic even of successful people who are making good progress in life. Their mood is a kind of protective reaction of the body. They insure themselves in advance in case of failure, the collapse of their plans and hopes. If they fail at something, no one will even notice any visible changes in their behavior. If a major deal or a desired business trip abroad falls through, it will be easier for them to hide their disappointment.
Rule No. 7
Does a person’s mood change quickly: about people with “moods”
Sometimes we have to communicate with people with changeable moods. The emotional background of such people changes very often and suddenly, when we do not expect it. Any little thing, any detail can easily ruin their positive attitude. And some inappropriate or unsuccessful joke will make them laugh - and they will forget about their many problems.
People with unstable moods are very difficult to communicate with. Usually, their behavior and sudden emotional swings can confuse us, we can forget about the purpose of the conversation, and lose our thoughts. The reaction of people in moods can be unpredictable; we cannot predict how they will react, for example, to our request to work on the weekend or to the fact that their expected promotion is temporarily postponed.
How to communicate with such people correctly? In a conversation, you should adhere to the tactic of “getting ahead of your interlocutor.” You must take a strictly leading position in the conversation, as if ahead of their emotional reaction to your words. For example, if you have to tell a person in a moody news unpleasant news, it is better to start with it right away, without putting it off for a long time. If you report something unpleasant at the end of the conversation, then this person will definitely have an unpleasant aftertaste about the entire conversation as a whole. After, for example, you inform that a long-awaited vacation is postponed until next month, try to immediately restore your colleague’s emotional balance - reassure him that next month trips will be much cheaper, and the weather in the hot country where he is going will be more gentle, so acclimatization will not be so difficult. Remember that for people who are subject to sudden mood swings, their mood can be quickly ruined, but it can be easily lifted afterward. The main thing is never leave him alone with bad thoughts. Always leave on a good note.
Try to always control your conversation, don’t miss the main point, and don’t give in to your partner’s mood swings. Very often, people who are able to adapt depending on the situation very easily manipulate others. Feeling that they are about to have an unpleasant conversation, they may get ahead of you and complain about their problems, thereby making you feel sorry for them. You have a desire to postpone the conversation until a more convenient moment. Don’t be led by such people - always say what you were going to say, don’t put off the conversation.
There are also certain advantages of communicating with moody people. It’s always interesting to be with them: they don’t bore you with monotonous grumbling or their always good mood. They are always different, new. They are very mobile, easily adapt to the situation, and are able to express sincere joy and true condolences.
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Among the problems that people face every day, there is one very important one, and it is called “knowledge of man by man.” In life we have to deal with many personalities. They are all so different, not similar to each other. Everyone needs to find their own approach. And most importantly, you need to decide for yourself and figure out what this person is. After all, we don’t know which meeting will be fateful for us.
To find out what kind of person a person really is, you need to eat more than a pound of salt with him, see him in different situations. Then you can safely say that you have gone through a lot with this person and know him as you know yourself.
If fate does not present you with various testing situations, you can do a pilot test of your friend’s quality yourself. That is, create a special situation where you will see the essence of a person. Also ask him compromising and testing questions, observing his reaction and drawing your own conclusions.
People can be divided into two types: emotional and unemotional. Both the first and the second, in their extreme manifestations, can be very difficult to communicate with. Since emotional people exaggerate a lot of things and perceive them inadequately, while unemotional people hide their feelings and thoughts, their attitude towards the world around them.
In order to understand an emotional person, you only need to look from the outside at some life situation with him. You will immediately understand what to expect from him.
Such people will immediately begin to tell you about their attitude to what is happening and express full emotions. You just have to remember that everything that will be shown is only a tenth of the true feelings that can manifest themselves in real life. You can learn more about your thoughts by asking leading questions. Ask about how the person himself would act in a similar situation, how he would react, what he would do, what he would sacrifice. And then ask what others should do. Emotional people generally won't be the first to tell you what they're feeling and experiencing. But you just have to ask for their opinion, and they will tell you all their thoughts. Their point of view is always based on intellectual reflection, rational, well-thought-out decisions. Do not expect them to evaluate feelings and emotions; all conclusions will always be reasoned and accepted using common sense.
Two more types of emotionally charged people are positive and negative subjects. More than once, when communicating with a cheerful, cheerful and joyful person, you have noticed manifestations of unreasonable sadness on his face. If everything is always bad and catastrophic for pessimists, then you just need to sympathize with them and not irritate them with your good mood. But optimism is a dangerous thing, it is a “double-edged sword.”
The first side is when a person is truly frivolous, does not pay attention to various problems, other people and their opinions. And the second is when optimism serves as a protective mechanism for a person.
Such people have many unresolved problems. They are sensitive to criticism and react painfully to other people’s problems and to troubles in their lives. And then they turn on the “I’m an optimist and everything is purple for me” mode for those around them, while at that moment they themselves experience deep mental torment. How can you tell if you are facing an optimist or a pseudo-optimist? It sounds banal, but you can understand it by the eyes. It’s not for nothing that they say “the eyes are the mirror of the soul.” Pseudo optimists will always have sadness, despondency and pain in their eyes. These outbursts of negative emotions are very short-lived, as they are hidden deeply. But, if you want, you can notice them.
It would seem that laughter is just a manifestation of emotions. But by observing how and why a person laughs and jokes, you can tell a lot about him. Since laughter is an impulse of the soul and it is very difficult to consciously control it. Sincere and artificially caused laughter can be immediately distinguished. Here are the types of laughter and their brief descriptions:
- Rough loud laughter indicates a person’s arrogance and licentiousness, his aggressiveness and desire to solve all problems using forceful methods. It also indicates a low level of intellectual development;
- ringing laughter - indicates the openness and sincerity of its owner. Such people are very loyal, gentle and kind. They are often defenseless in their openness;
- thin (high-pitched) laughter is a sign of a person’s sophistication, stubbornness and capriciousness. People with such laughter have inflated self-esteem and egocentrism;
- booming laughter - characterizes its owners as cheerful and noisy people, artistic and inquisitive. As a rule, such people always want to be leaders, are not punctual, and do not accept rules;
- laughter with a wide open mouth is a sign of bad manners, fickleness, aggressiveness and touchiness of its owner;
- dull laughter indicates a person’s arrogance, that all his actions are motivated by his own benefit. Its owners are always looking for a catch even in a purely mirror;
- laughter with closed teeth (laughter through teeth) characterizes a person as a hypocrite, evil and corrupt, two-faced. This is the most dangerous of all types. Such people should be avoided.
Laughter with closed lips indicates the presence of complexes in a person, the fear of appearing funny. Also indicates good endurance and balance.
These are the most common species, but not the entire gamut. To find out more, take an interest in and read specialized literature, which will describe each type of laughter and its characteristics.
Gossip, although not a pleasant thing, is very useful. Useful in the sense that by collating gossip, you can see the other side of your interlocutor. If you give “food” for such conversations, you can notice envy, excessive curiosity, gloating, greed and other bad qualities in a person. Not everything is so bad, and by gossiping, you recognize both good-natured, sympathetic, sincere people, as well as those people who are used to living their lives without judging others for their choices. This is a sign of a full-fledged harmonious personality.
Gestures and facial expressions
If you carefully observe a person’s facial expressions, you will be able to learn without words about his thoughts and attitude to this or that fact.
Also, a person’s gait can tell you about the general condition of the body and some character traits of the object you have chosen.
For example, swaying when walking indicates a person’s neatness, pedantry and vanity. The large steps of a short person indicate his desire to quickly achieve a goal in any endeavor, and the small steps of a tall person characterize him as timid and shy, unsure of his actions.
Also observe the intonation and various sound manifestations of the voice. The famous psychologist Allport conducted a lot of research on this topic and proved that based only on the voice, you can put together a psychological portrait of a person and sketch out his appearance. So intonations will indicate to you a person’s experiences, his attitude to some areas of life, and will help you understand the person’s temperament and well-being.
All this is a reflection of the inner world of a person. Thus, knowing family traditions, one can judge the cohesion of the family or the individuality of each of its members. A person’s religion leaves an imprint on his behavior, conversations, and actions. Muslims will be very emotional and hot-tempered, as for men, and women will be modest and timid. Christians will always be ready to help their neighbors and cultivate humility.
His hobbies tell you the most about a person.
Since religion is a common characteristic, but everyone’s personal hobbies are different, regardless of marital status and religion.
For example, people who are interested in various types of creativity are dreamy, often live in their own world, it is difficult for them to perceive reality, they are good family men, it is comfortable to be around them and there is always a topic for conversation. Those who play sports are persistent, stubborn, conservative people, they are very stress-resistant. Collectors, as a rule, have a hard time making contact; they love solitude and silence. Such people are very reserved and open their souls only to the most trusted and close people.
Instructions
There are many ways in which you can “read a person like an open book.” Some of them are more or less simple, while others require a lot of time to master. You can use the method you like best, or combine different ones.
Reading the non-verbal body, facial expressions and gestures. You can read about how to learn to read the thoughts and feelings of others through facial expressions and gestures in the popular bestseller “Body Language” by Alan and Barbara Pease: http://lib.rus.ec/b/76776.
Reading by face (physiognomy). Determining character by facial features is ancient knowledge, which at first was only selected and was part of the occult sciences. There are quite a lot of books on physiognomy; look, for example, at the selection: http://obuk.ru/other/1623-fiziognomika.html
Well, as entertainment in your spare time, you can create a sketch of a person using the digital physiognomy program ( http://www.softportal.com/software-4323-digital-physiognomy.html).
It is very useful - at least for the purpose of self-education - to read books both on theory and practical. For example, the book by Arkady Egides “How to Learn to Understand People” describes the main psychotypes of people - “paranoid psychotype”, “epileptoid”, “hysteroid”, “hyperthym” and “schizoid”. Don't let them bother you too much
Of course, each of you at least once flashed in your head: “How great it is to be able to read other people’s thoughts!”, “What does he feel for me? If I knew what was in his head..." or "I was wrong about them again! This happens all the time! Why can’t I learn to immediately understand what kind of person this is?” It's not surprising if this really sounds familiar to you. Every person has at least once become a victim of deceptions of fate or dreamed of getting into other people's thoughts. But believe me, reading other people's thoughts is not as good as it seems to us at first. If everything that was going on in someone’s head, for example, their attitude towards us, evil intentions, etc., were known to us, life would become boring and monotonous, all our guesses and desires would disappear from it. After all, for her happiness it is not necessary to know something, it is enough just to understand in time and do something that will help solve the problem hanging over you. In this article, we will try to figure out how to protect ourselves from deception and how to immediately figure out the evil intentions of a friend regarding you.
Most people, when they see a person, immediately have an impression about him, which in seven cases out of ten turns out to be false. Why? Perhaps we are not directing our gaze quite where we should? After all, in order to determine a person’s character, it is not enough just to look at him and say a few words. Even one day of acquaintance will not be enough to determine the social status or upbringing of a person. What can we say about the deep secrets of the soul?! In order to understand a person’s character, even a year is not enough, and sometimes even two or three years. It all depends on whose soul you want to get into. But in fact, it is not at all necessary, when meeting a person, to try to study him thoroughly. It is not necessary. You can remain only acquaintances for the rest of your life, and that will be enough for you. And if your relationship develops into friendship, then you will reveal your souls to each other without any secrets.
But there are people for whom communication with you is only a means to achieve a goal, having achieved which, they can put you in a terrible situation and leave you to your fate. Here are a few points for you that you should pay your attention to and that will help you not to get hooked and immediately understand that the person in front of you is playing a certain role that he will perform only until the end of the performance:
- Changing a person's mood. Each person is characterized by mood swings and very often they are reflected in the closest people: acquaintances, friends, relatives. If there is a person in front of you who is always in a good mood, then it is possible that something is wrong here. But if you notice this, this does not mean that you should immediately panic and call for help. It is quite possible that the person is calm, has an optimistic outlook on the world and an eternal smile, or you were simply lucky because the person always chose another victim for his emotional breakdowns.
- Numerous requests. If, after a short acquaintance, a person begins to shower you with numerous requests, many of which are almost impossible to fulfill, you should definitely pay your attention to this. After all, people, as a rule, are afraid and embarrassed to ask something from a stranger. If your friend is not one of those people, you should take a closer look at him.
- Influence. If suddenly, after a short communication with a person, you begin to notice that he has some kind of influence on you: he forces you to do some things without your desire, but, nevertheless, does not openly force you to do anything, then you should talk to him. His reaction will be the answer to the question of whether this is so.
- Your communication. Pay attention to whether there is a lot of pretense in your friend. If it seems to you that this person is acting too friendly and affable in front of you, and many have warned you more than once about the rumors he is spreading behind your back, then know: you cannot rely on this person under any circumstances. He belongs to the family of people who are capable of betraying at any moment.
- The time you spend together. If you consider a person only an acquaintance, then, of course, you should not pay attention to this, because you both have close friends in addition to each other. But if you still classify this person as a friend, then you should think about how often you meet. Is he looking for a reason to meet or, on the contrary, is he constantly trying to avoid it? Does he like to talk to you or does he try to end the conversation as soon as possible? Does he share his problems with you and happily listen to yours, or does he try to change the subject and avoid revelations? If you answered positively to at least one of the above questions, then you should think: “Does only your friend treat you the same way as you treat him?”
- Interests. Of course, among friends, as well as close acquaintances, interests may or may not overlap at all. This is not a problem at all. But when you begin to notice how your “friend” is trying his best to copy you in front of you, and in front of a large company he says that he has completely opposite views on the same things, then you should think about whether the person in front of you is trying to seem a little different from who he really is and why.
I hope that after reading all of the above, you were able to understand whether there are not entirely honest people among your friends and which of them does not treat you as well as it seems at first glance. The main thing is not to get confused. Good luck to you! And let only kind and sincere people always surround you!