How to please people: a few tricks from an FBI agent. Tips for how people like it

You probably already know that you need to brush your teeth and shave your beard. “But we often forget about nails,” reminds Dr. Mark Salem, a specialist in nonverbal communications, “neat nails are a sign that a person cares about his appearance and everything else.” And an unkempt man also gives the impression of being lazy.

2. Use cologne without fanaticism

People around you like it when you smell nice - but not when the smell knocks you off your feet. A study conducted at Northwestern University in the United States showed that subjects rated people's attractiveness higher if they physically smelled the scent, but were not aware of it. So don't overdo it with cologne. “We want to be liked more about ourselves than just about our smell,” says Dr. Alec Bioll, an expert on the psychology of attractiveness.

3. Forget about sunglasses

“You need to appear approachable, not suspicious,” advises Salem. By covering part of your face, you create a barrier between yourself and others and appear distant. So wear sunglasses only if you really need them, and take them off when socializing.

4. Take Tuzik with you

Next time you're invited to a picnic, ask if you can bring your dog. Scientists have found that his very presence can increase your attractiveness. When they see you with your four-legged friend, people relax, and making new acquaintances is easier. Of course, all this only works if your dog doesn’t growl at others or bite their thighs.

5. Feet on the table

Lean back in your chair, place your feet on the table and place your hands behind your head, elbows wide apart. It's nice, isn't it? A study from Columbia and Harvard Universities (USA) proves that this pose increases energy and confidence. It even affects hormones: sit like this for two minutes, and testosterone levels will rise and cortisol levels will fall. Scientists call this position the “power pose,” and they recommend practicing it before stressful situations. The subjects underwent a simulated job interview. Those who first sat in a “power pose” were more likely to pass the “interview” successfully. “The main thing is not to take this position in the presence of others,” Salem warns. This is a position of dominance, and if you want to be liked, then you should look more approachable.

6. Don't cross your arms

“Crossing your arms may help keep you warm, but others will see it as a rude gesture,” says Salem. But the pose with arms at your sides, palms facing the interlocutor, demonstrates openness. It is also worth turning around to face him. “This will show that you are not afraid to look vulnerable,” Salem explains.

7. Smile (if you are abroad)

It would seem obvious that a smiling person seems friendly, but, for example, in Poland and Russia, smiling at a stranger is considered a sign of stupidity. And if you try to smile on the street in Norway, you will be considered drunk, crazy or American (or maybe all of them at once). The Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology found that in most cases, people who smile are still considered smart. If you are in the USA, Germany or China, you can smile and not worry about anything.

However, it is important that the smile is sincere. “People can easily recognize a fake smile,” Salem explains, “it comes on quickly and disappears quickly, with the lips slightly pursed.” So, if you don’t want to smile, it’s better not to.

8. Respect other people's personal space

Keep your distance from the interlocutor: A study at the University of Toledo found that invasion of personal space is perceived by people as a threat of physical violence. For simplicity, remember the rule: do not approach a person at a distance less than the distance from your elbow to your fingertips.

9. Become a chameleon

Research shows that people like it when others copy their posture, movements and mannerisms. For example, if you notice that your boss is nodding his head or leaning forward with his whole body, repeat these movements after him. “The main thing is that it’s not noticeable,” says Salem, “otherwise you’ll be mistaken for a crazy person.”

10. Know how to shut up in time

11. Don't be a bitch

A study conducted in the Netherlands found that our negative thoughts about how others perceive us can become reality. For example, instead of looking into the eyes of your interlocutor, you can stare off into the distance (say, “he doesn’t like me anyway”) and let his words fall on deaf ears - who will want to communicate with you after that?

12. Just be yourself, bro.

Now for the good news: A recent study from the University of Alabama suggests that men are generally more trustworthy. Scientists asked subjects to rate witnesses who spoke in court on a ten-point scale based on criteria such as attractiveness, ability to inspire trust, confidence and erudition. On average, male witnesses scored 7.43 on “ability to inspire trust,” while female witnesses scored 6.7 (men also scored higher in attractiveness, but the difference was not significant). Researchers explain this by saying that men have historically had more status and power than women. The main thing is, don’t even think about mentioning this fact during an argument with your girlfriend.

The ability to please people helps a lot in life. It is easiest for a person who has managed to win over those around him to achieve what he wants, and besides, the good attitude of others towards him is simply pleasant. Almost anyone can become a charming and sociable person, but to do this you need to work hard on yourself. Simple tips will help you learn how to make people like you.

How to become a nice person

To please people, you first need to like yourself. It’s worth taking one evening to evaluate your strengths. You can even make a list and look at it often. It is impossible to arouse everyone's sympathy, but everyone has good qualities that we should try to demonstrate. Think over your philosophy, as well as your attitude towards such important things as love, marriage, religion, finances. This will help you find common ground with different people.

It is worth thinking about external attractiveness. You may not attach much importance to your wardrobe, but a neat appearance and a friendly smile mean a lot in communication. If you smile more often, you can not only gain a reputation as a pleasant and sociable person, but also improve your mood: even a not entirely sincere smile is accompanied by the release of endorphins.

Body language is also of great importance. For example, tilting the head will demonstrate trust and sincerity to the interlocutor, but folded hands on the chest mean that the person does not want to communicate, at least at the moment.

What does it take to please people?

To make others like you, think about how you would like to be treated. Be interested in people, their hobbies and dreams, praise, give compliments. Here are some more tips to help you become a nicer person:

• Remember names. Every person likes the sound of their name, so a good memory helps strengthen relationships.
• You should never push for pity. Nice and pitiful are incompatible concepts; sad people who are constantly lacking something are of little interest to anyone.
• Don't gossip or slander. Learn to be an optimist and a positive person.
• Look into the eyes. This is a very important point: people are considered to look away when they are insincere or do not want to continue the conversation. This may also indicate.
• In psychology there is such a term as mirroring. To please a person, you need to copy his gestures and body position. If the interlocutor frowns, tilts his head or crosses his legs, you need to do the same (within reasonable limits).
• Don't impose your society.
• Develop your horizons. For people to be interested in you, you need to be able to carry on a conversation. It is also necessary to ensure that the speech is literate.
• Be able to joke, but don't make fun of others. Humor is a wonderful assistant in communication, but laughing at other people's shortcomings is unacceptable.

When communicating with a person, let him understand that you are interested in him. If you two come to a club or restaurant, you shouldn’t pay special attention to others. Talk to the person about his affairs, be interested in his plans. During a conversation, you should not send SMS; it is best to put the phone away altogether. You should feel good and comfortable.

There's nothing wrong with trying to be a nice person, but it's important not to go too far in trying to please everyone. Falsity in behavior is felt immediately, but a sincere person who is a self-sufficient person will always evoke respect and sympathy.

The ability to please people helps a lot in life. It is easiest for a person who has managed to win over those around him to achieve what he wants, and besides, the good attitude of others towards him is simply pleasant. Almost anyone can become a charming and sociable person, but to do this you need to work hard on yourself. Simple tips will help you learn how to make people like you.

How to become a nice person

To please people, you first need to like yourself. It’s worth taking one evening to evaluate your strengths. You can even make a list and look at it often. It is impossible to arouse everyone's sympathy, but everyone has good qualities that we should try to demonstrate. Think over your philosophy, as well as your attitude towards such important things as love, marriage, religion, finances. This will help you find common ground with different people.

It is worth thinking about external attractiveness. You may not attach much importance to your wardrobe, but a neat appearance and a friendly smile mean a lot in communication. If you smile more often, you can not only gain a reputation as a pleasant and sociable person, but also improve your mood: even a not entirely sincere smile is accompanied by the release of endorphins.

Body language is also of great importance. For example, tilting the head will demonstrate trust and sincerity to the interlocutor, but folded hands on the chest mean that the person does not want to communicate, at least at the moment.

What does it take to please people?

To make others like you, think about how you would like to be treated. Be interested in people, their hobbies and dreams, praise, give compliments. Here are some more tips to help you become a nicer person:

• Remember names. Every person likes the sound of their name, so a good memory helps strengthen relationships.
• You should never push for pity. Nice and pitiful are incompatible concepts; sad people who are constantly lacking something are of little interest to anyone.
• Don't gossip or slander. Learn to be an optimist and a positive person.
• Look into the eyes. This is a very important point: people are considered to look away when they are insincere or do not want to continue the conversation. It may also indicate a fear of communication.
• In psychology there is such a term as mirroring. To please a person, you need to copy his gestures and body position. If the interlocutor frowns, tilts his head or crosses his legs, you need to do the same (within reasonable limits).
• Don't impose your society.
• Develop your horizons. For people to be interested in you, you need to be able to carry on a conversation. It is also necessary to ensure that the speech is literate.
• Be able to joke, but don't make fun of others. Humor is a wonderful assistant in communication, but laughing at other people's shortcomings is unacceptable.

When communicating with a person, let him understand that you are interested in him. If you two come to a club or restaurant, you shouldn’t pay special attention to others. Talk to the person about his affairs, be interested in his plans. During a conversation, you should not send SMS; it is best to put the phone away altogether. You should feel good and comfortable.

There's nothing wrong with trying to be a nice person, but it's important not to go too far in trying to please everyone. Falsity in behavior is felt immediately, but a sincere person who is a self-sufficient person will always evoke respect and sympathy.

In this article you will read

• 11 tips on how to please others and inspire trust

Many people mistakenly believe that charm (or the ability to be liked by absolutely everyone around you) depends on innate character traits that cannot be learned, and are possessed only by the lucky few - those who are physically attractive, great in society and exceptionally talented. It is very easy to fall victim to this misconception and give up. It's all about emotional intelligence (EQ).

In a study conducted by the University of California (UCLA), participants rated more than 500 adjectives based on their importance to human charm (the ability to please people). The adjectives that received the highest scores were in no way related to a person's innate characteristics (communication skills, intelligence, or physical attractiveness). The rating was topped by such traits as sincerity, openness and the ability to understand others. These qualities are inherent in people who have developed social aspect of emotional intelligence.

We delved a little deeper into this question to find out the key behavioral characteristics that people with high levels of emotional intelligence possess that help them be everyone's favorites.

• Emotional intelligence is a powerful weapon of a true leader

How to please others: 11 habits of everyone's favorites

1. They ask questions. The biggest mistake people make when listening to others is to become overly focused on what they will say in response or what the consequences of what the other person will say will be for them. This prevents them from really hearing the other person and causes negativity.

The easiest way to avoid this mistake is to ask a lot of questions. People like to know that you are listening to them, and asking explanatory questions shows them that not only are you paying attention, but that you are actually interested in what they have to say.

2. They put down their phones. Nothing will cause such chilling and irritation in your interlocutor as a text message written in the middle of a conversation or even just a furtive glance at the phone. If you engage in a conversation, focus all your thoughts on it. You'll find that conversations are much more enjoyable and rewarding if you really immerse yourself in them.

3. They are sincere. It is impossible to please people without being sincere. Nobody likes pretending. People around them are drawn to honest people because they know they can trust them. Agree, it is difficult to feel affection for a person without knowing who he really is and what his true feelings are.

• Business Ethics: Why Emotional Intelligence Matters

4. Im are alien to condemnation. If you want people to like you, you must be open and unbiased. Broad views of the world make you a sociable and interesting person for others. No one wants to start a discussion with someone who has already formed their opinion and does not want to listen to any arguments.

In order to get rid of prejudices and biases, you need to learn to see the world through the eyes of other people. This does not mean that you should believe the same as them, or turn a blind eye to their actions. Simply refrain from making judgments until you truly understand the person's true motives.

5. They don't try to attract attention. People don't like people who are desperate to be the center of attention. To earn their favor, you don’t need to develop an extrovert bursting with energy. People around you are always captivated by simple friendliness and attentiveness. If you are friendly, confident and concise in your conversation, people will listen to you with genuine attention and have confidence in you. By emphasizing your own importance, you will instantly lose these advantages.

When you find yourself in the spotlight, such as being thanked or praised for an accomplishment, don't bask in the glory, but instead focus on all the people whose hard work helped you achieve your goal. Although this may seem like a tired gimmick, if you are sincere, the fact that you pay attention to others and appreciate their cooperation will be a clear indication of your gratitude and humility, two qualities closely related to people-pleasing.

6. They use positive body language. If you pay attention to your gestures, facial expressions and tone of voice (and make sure they carry a positive charge), people will be drawn to you like ants to a picnic. An enthusiastic tone, arms in an open position without crossing your chest, constant eye contact and leaning towards your interlocutor are all forms of positive body language that people with high levels of emotional intelligence (EQ) attract others. Sometimes the entire flow of a conversation is determined by positive body language.

There is an opinion that HOW a person speaks can be more important than WHAT he says - and this is absolutely true.

7. They make a strong impression when you meet them. Research shows that most people make their verdict on whether they like or dislike another person within the first seven seconds of meeting them. They spend the rest of the conversation justifying their initial reaction to themselves. This may sound scary, but by keeping this feature in mind, you can benefit greatly from it in terms of being liked by others. First impressions go hand in hand with positive body language. An even posture, a firm handshake, a smile and squared shoulders significantly increase your chances that you will leave a favorable impression on your interlocutor.

8. They greet people by name. Your name is an integral part of your personality. Likeable people call others by name whenever they see them. You should not limit the use of your name to just a greeting. According to research data, people feel grateful when their interlocutor calls them by name during a dialogue.

9. They smile. People naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the body language of the person they are communicating with. If you want to win people over, smile at them during a conversation - they will unconsciously return your smile, feeling much better.

10. They know when open up. Be careful and do not rush to share personal problems and confessions, otherwise you will have a reputation as a whiner. Charming people allow their interlocutor to decide when it's time to have a heart-to-heart talk.

• How to calm down quickly: relaxation techniques that work

11. They skillfully combine enthusiasm and humor. People around you are always attracted to people who are full of enthusiasm for their work. It's worth keeping in mind that passionate people can easily be perceived as too serious or distracted because they are completely immersed in their work. People who are well-liked balance their enthusiasm with the ability to have a lot of fun. At work they are serious, but at the same time friendly. They manage to cope with everything effortlessly, because they know how to get the maximum benefit from even short-term communication and realize valuable social opportunities. By minimizing idle chatter and gossip, they instead focus on meaningful interactions with colleagues.

Charming people are priceless and unique. They easily establish contacts, maintain a harmonious work atmosphere, help others express themselves fully, and at the same time receive genuine pleasure from life. Use the above recommendations,

It sounds simple, but it really works. The brain reacts to a smile (even a not entirely sincere one) with the release of endorphins, which lifts the mood. Plus, a smile is contagious.

To people, your body language and facial expressions are much more important than your words or tone of voice. Your smile is an invitation to immediately relax, it disarms and sets a pleasant atmosphere.

“You shouldn't just smile at everyone, though,” says Tim Sanders, author of The Likeability Factor. - The smile must be real. Either way, you should always smile back."

When you smile back, you are being both friendly and sincere. Often people do not respond with a smile if, for example, they do not know the person who smiled at them well.

When you return the smile, you are saying, “I like you too.” This makes you more attractive to the other person.

2. Watch your body language

We have not gone as far from our cave ancestors as we would like to think. Our brains still continue to look for danger in our environment and judge the degree of threat posed by other people by their body language.

To get someone to like you, you don't have to be dangerous. Therefore, along with a smile, you can use other visual cues: raise your eyebrows, tilt your head to the side.

Tilt of the head opens access to the carotid artery. This way you demonstrate trust. It sounds strange, but this once again proves that we are not as far from our wild ancestors as we would like to think.

Our brain is constantly looking for threats in the environment. Stressful situations, such as meeting with clients, are assessed as potentially dangerous. After this, a defensive reaction is activated, and the body unconsciously takes a defensive position.

By eliminating the physical cues of tension and replacing them with a smile and an open body posture, you will cope with this reaction, feel less tense, and appear more attractive to other people.

3. Make others feel good.

If you want people to like you, make them feel better in your presence and see themselves in a favorable light. You need to shift your focus away from yourself and pay more attention to those with whom you communicate.

There are many ways to do this: gratitude, recognition, direct eye contact, compliments, asking for advice. All these ways make other people feel important, correct, wise.

Avoid direct flattery - it is alarming and repulsive. Instead, carefully monitor the person's condition. For example, if he seems happy, ask, “Does it seem like you had a good day?” If your interlocutor responds, “I just closed the deal,” you can say, “You must have done a good job.” The person will leave you feeling better and will treat you better in the future.

4. Get involved

If during a dialogue you make the other person feel like the most important person in the world, then you will automatically become more attractive and pleasant to him.

Turn off and put away your phone, look the person in the eyes, and completely immerse yourself in the conversation. If you come to dine together, do not pay attention to anyone else, with the possible exception of the waiter.

5. Be interesting

The most interesting and significant person for every person is himself. That's why people love to talk about themselves.

First, ask the person about his favorite projects or activities, something that really excites him. Listen carefully to what he says. These conversations often don't take five minutes, but they will be the best five minutes of your conversation.

Finding common ground is a classic technique that helps build rapport. You can find common activities, work moments, hobbies, but it will take time. The simplest and most effective way is to find common ground in the person of a mutual friend who works in the same field as your interlocutor.

6. Be visible

We prefer to communicate with people we know: colleagues, neighbors, or people we often meet at the gym.

“Familiarity has a simple effect on people, and that means being visible more often,” says Theo Tsaousides, a neuropsychologist and author of Brainblocks: Overcoming the 7 Hidden Barriers to Success Hidden Barriers to Success).

Presence is important, but it must not be allowed to become harassment. For example, you can drink coffee in the morning in the same cafe as the person you want to like, or comment on his posts on social networks. This is a way to show yourself, to communicate that you remember this person.

7. Give more and help

Whoever you meet, first of all think about how you can help this person. It doesn't always pay off right away, but when the time comes, it works 100%.

When you help someone, you show that you value that person. This is a whole philosophy that helps to improve relationships with others.

If you accept this attitude in life, you begin to think differently. If you consider the business sphere, then you begin to treat clients differently. You are already thinking not only about how to benefit from them, but also about how to make them more valuable and meaningful.

Tim Sanders has a simple way to achieve this goal. During every conversation, you should strive to give advice or give something to your interlocutor. This will make you stand out from other people and make you more attractive.

8. Respect other people's opinions

You don't have to agree with everyone, but your interlocutors should feel heard.

“Treat people's feelings as facts,” advises Tim Sanders. “For example, if a customer complains, listen seriously and assure them that their concerns will be addressed and taken into account immediately.”

When you say a simple phrase: “I can imagine how you feel,” you provide the other person with an important psychological advantage. He understands that he is not alone in his feelings, that it is absolutely normal to experience them.

A person feels that his thoughts matter, whether you agree with them or not. And this makes you an even more pleasant interlocutor.

What techniques do you use to make people like you?