How to start a new life after the New Year: advice from psychologists. How to start a new life after the New Year: advice from psychologists Write a letter to yourself in the future
Who hasn't dreamed of starting a new life with the New Year? And so that she will certainly be happy! Congratulations on the eve of the holiday convey this universal desire: “Happy New Year! With new happiness!". But is the dream of a new life possible from the New Year and is it realistic to turn this intention into reality, starting exactly on January 1?
1st of January. Is it a good day to start?
The new calendar year begins on January 1 and is celebrated on the night of this day. Most people do not sleep that night and then sleep until noon. Is it possible to start something new on such a “shortened” day? You can, of course, if you really want to. But most people on this day have only one desire - relax. And the next day, and the next, and so on until the end of the so-called “New Year holidays”, holiday weekends.
Hence the conclusion: if you want to start a new life with the new year, then you need to do this either starting in advance, at least a month or two before the new year, or already from mid-January(after holidays).
Of course, it's better to start early. After all, this is how you can prepare for this very new, wonderful life, lay its “foundation”. As A. Green wrote in his story “Scarlet Sails”: “Miracles must be done with your own hands.” The New Year's miracle is no exception.
If people choose souvenirs for loved ones and relatives in advance, starting to think about it already in the month of November, then why not think about starting to prepare a gift for yourself. This gift, called “New Life,” will be the best for the New Year!
Active and passive expectation of a miracle
You need to wait for a miracle to happen and believe in miracles, but this faith must be active. Something needs to be done for a miracle to happen!
This is a new, better life personal responsibility everyone who decided to start it. You shouldn’t wait for someone else to come and give it to you for the New Year.
Precisely because passive expecting a sudden miracle on New Year's Eve (“I’ll lie here on the couch and let miracles happen!”), people often feel disappointed and unhappy in the first days of January: the new year has come, but the old problems remain.
But is it reasonable to think that they could disappear on their own, as if by magic?! Was it really necessary for someone to come and solve all those difficulties that had been accumulating for years and had already turned into a decent “burden on our shoulders”?!
Because of the irrational, but bright and sincere faith on the New Year's miracle, many people who have active desire to start a new life, and decide to start it with the New Year. They know that they will have to create happiness on one's own, but faith in that very miracle helps to start, it increases motivation, strengthens hope and faith in one’s strength.
People who have doubts in their own abilities, some fears, who are not confident enough in themselves and do not believe enough in their success like to start on Monday/the first of the new year. They need external support. They rightfully believe that the beginning of the year is the best time for change. A certain strength and energy of novelty helps them.
People, confident in themselves and believing in their success, do not wait for a special date or day! They begin to turn their dream into reality immediately after making such a decision, regardless of the time of year or day.
If you have to force starting a new life with the new year, persuading yourself: “Well, it’s definitely necessary from January 1!”, it means, in fact, I don `t want to do this and you need to admit it to yourself. A person who really wants to change his life for the better does it without delay!
A new year and a completely new life can begin for a purposeful and active person any day he wishes.
How to be happy in the new year?
As for happiness, it, being internal state a person is created much faster than a new life is built. To be happy they need be: to feel, to perceive oneself as such and to behave accordingly.
To celebrate the New Year happy, psychologists recommend in advance:
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For example, there is a problem - an unloved job. It transforms into a goal - to find a job you like by the New Year.
- Build relationships with others, resolve all existing conflicts. This is the shortest way to feeling happy on New Year's Eve.
Man is a social being. There are other people in every area of his personal life, so in order to improve his life, he needs to improve his relationships with others. Most conflicts, in fact, are resolved very easily and quickly, with two words: “Sorry!” and “I forgive you!”
- Improve your relationship with yourself. This point includes all the previous ones, only its direction is not external, but internal. To improve your relationship with yourself, you need to conduct introspection, solve internal problems, and forgive (including yourself!) for everything. Establishing a relationship with yourself is identical to
No wonder they say: “How you celebrate the New Year is how you will spend it.” In order for a happy new life to begin in the new year, you need to feel yourself happy not only on New Year's Eve, but also all subsequent days and nights, during which we must not forget to work on creating a new, wonderful life!
Typically, advice on how to change your life begins with the fact that you need to get out of your comfort zone (hmm, when did we manage to enter it?!), and then jump with a parachute and go on a trip around the world. Agree that, for all their adventurous charm, these recommendations are difficult to implement for an ordinary person, and not for the heirs of Trump or Rothschild. That is, you are suddenly fired up with the idea of changing something, and in hidden text they advise you to take up extreme sports, take out a loan or sell your kidney in order to wake up under the stars in a tent somewhere in the Arizona desert, like the hero of the TV series “The Last Man on Earth.” Earth." We took a critical look at the advice of experts on how to live well, and from hundreds of ephemeral and banal options, we chose ten that were more or less practical or at least motivating to start the New Year in a positive way.
Try the “1 day – 1 achievement” tactic
Firstly, because you need to learn new things every day, and secondly, because big things are accomplished with small actions. Oh, yes, and thirdly, because laziness in the absence of motivation is the main inhibitor of all productive activities.
Write yourself an “I-will-never-do-this-again” list.
And include in it what time and money were spent on last year, but no positive results appeared. Be it bad habits, “sitting” in the office after hours, or unsuccessful dates on Tinder, which you now don’t even want to remember.
Experience the principle of “this day is like the last”
It sounds a little banal, like the “comfort zone” and the story of going around the world, but sometimes it is this approach to life that makes us perk up a little and move forward in order to change the way of life that does not suit us at all. Imagine, for example, what you would do in 2016 if this was the last year, and then figure out which of your fantasies truly inspire you.
Sign up for dancing
Even if these are classes only once a week, which you will sometimes skip under the pretext of “I don’t want to get off the couch,” it’s not scary. If you are basically indifferent to sports and would rather go to a bar with your girlfriends, then it is still better to start your path to an active lifestyle with dancing. It is possible that you will become so involved that you will then be unstoppable.
Come up with a long-lasting dream
One that will take at least a year, or even three, to implement. Write a book, learn to drive a boat, get an MBA, buy a house and plant a whole flower garden there. It doesn't matter what it is, but what is important is that you are passionate about making that dream a reality step by step.
Plan your life like a business plan
And calculate all the events that should happen in the near future (or you would really like for them to happen): a wedding, a change of job, the purchase of something big and important - exactly in the spirit of a business venture, which implies costs, inevitable concessions , creative efforts and profits in the short term.
Change something about your appearance
Review your photos over the past year (especially those in which you were tagged by friends on social networks without asking) and allow yourself some healthy (we emphasize, healthy!) criticism of yourself: what would you like to change in your appearance and what image/style try? Just be careful so that Kylie Jenner doesn’t suddenly come out...
Divide your social circle into inspirational and depressing people.
Make it a rule to communicate with the latter no more than once a month, and with the former, on the contrary, come up with more reasons for meetings based on your common hobbies or interests. First of all, neutralize your “vampire” interlocutors – those who usually pour out all their problems on you, but do not listen to you personally in response.
All of us for the New Year. We promise to lose weight, learn English, travel often, start snowboarding - sometimes there are so many plans that they cannot fit into one year. Due to an overabundance of goals and desires, and for some, laziness, we do not fulfill our New Year's resolutions. Do you intend to break the system and certainly achieve your goals in the new year? Then you need a clear plan that will help you organize your time correctly. For proper planning, you will need sheets of paper, or any notebook in which you will write down your desires and goals in detail. So, let's begin.
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Sum up the results of the previous year
- Write down on a piece of paper or a page of notepad everything that you have achieved this year, everything that you are proud of, everything that you could praise yourself for. I closed the summer session three days before the start of the winter session, ran a marathon, took up yoga for the first time, didn’t skip a single class, and was at all the films on the day of their premiere.
- If you made a promise to yourself last New Year, be sure to remember it. Have you achieved what you promised yourself? Are you satisfied with the result?
- After you write down what you have achieved, write down what you wanted to achieve in the past year, but did not succeed. Be honest with yourself, don’t write what others wanted from you, but you didn’t need it yourself. For example, you were required to learn Chinese, but you never did, because you don’t want to learn it. The point of this exercise is to understand for yourself what you personally need and what others need, and what actions you are really satisfied with.
Write down all your dreams
Now, having assessed the past year and realized what worked and what didn’t, you can formulate a list of your wishes for the future.
On a separate sheet of paper, write down all your desires that you can think of. Write down everything, even the craziest thoughts - lick an icicle, confess your love, go to St. Petersburg for the weekend, jump with a parachute, hitchhike around Europe, start your own video blog - write everything that comes to mind and what you would like to do. It is important that you write down the desires that you can actually achieve. After all, if you want, for example, to overthrow the Queen of England, then, we hasten to upset you, this is hardly feasible. On the other hand, don't be afraid of your own thoughts! It may seem to you that your idea is too bold, but you do not have the means and opportunities to implement it - it doesn’t matter, write it down anyway. While you are dreaming, do not forget to periodically look at the results of the previous year and check with them - perhaps you have already partially realized some of your desires, but something did not work out and is no longer important to you.
By the way, try to specify your goals and desires. If you write “I want to be healthy” or “I want to travel,” then at the end of the year you are unlikely to say with confidence that your goal was achieved. Dig into yourself and understand what is really important to you. Maybe you want to go on a trip to a certain country or want to take up a specific sport, thereby improving your health.
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Set your priorities
So, in front of you are two sheets: your desires and what you managed or failed to accomplish during the past year. Analyze what you have written down and start drawing up a list of priorities.
- From your wish list, select something that you really want to accomplish, something that you have been thinking about for a long time.
- from the list of “failures” - something that you would still like to achieve, although it didn’t work out in the past year
- From your list of pride, write down what you have achieved, what you are proud of and what you would like to continue in the new year. For example, “I want to see the bridges in St. Petersburg open,” “I want to lose 10 kg,” and “I want to continue dancing twice a week.”
The resulting list of your “wants” cannot be endless, stop at 10-15 desires. It’s not possible to be overwhelmed by all the desires and all the goals; it’s more productive to gradually achieve one at a time than to rush after them all at once.
Visualize!
After identifying the most important goals and desires, the time comes for their magic... No, not execution, but design. Make it at home so that you can see all your goals every day, be inspired by motivating pictures and strive to make your dreams come true. You can also create thematic “boards” on the Pinterest website, in which you will save all the most beautiful and inspiring pictures. A “board” for every desire. Put a picture or photograph on your phone screensaver that symbolizes or depicts your main goal. For example, you want to go to a certain university, so put a beautiful photo of its facade and get motivated every time you look at the screen.
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Write a letter to your future self
Using special sites on the Internet, you can write a letter to yourself from December 2017 to December 2018. Write there what you promise to accomplish next year, describe yourself now and what you want to become in 12 months, wish yourself good luck in fulfilling all your plans and ideas. In addition, you can send a video message to yourself. At the end of the year, you will receive this letter and will be able to evaluate whether everything worked out and how much you yourself have changed over the past year.
Julia Inamora's article entitled does not quote from the Bible, it is not filled with links to authoritative sources, but it contains thoughts that are useful to any person, including church ministers. I think that the reader himself will evaluate it on its merits.
Do you know when fitness clubs have the highest concentration of people per square meter? On Mondays and at the beginning of the year. These are the same starters of a new life coming from Monday. And “starting from scratch” in January is generally a sacred thing. However, most Monday adherents very soon “merge”, life returns to its usual course. To avoid becoming one of them, the following 8 “reasons” should be taken on the contrary. And do the complete opposite!
After some time, they make another attempt to start over, and over and over again all their attempts to change something in their lives fail. Does this sound familiar to you? Then stop torturing yourself, you won’t succeed anyway. And that's why.
1. You don't know what you want
You understand that you are not satisfied with your life, you know that you want changes, but you don’t know where to start and what measurable result you need. Without a clear goal, you will never force yourself to do anything. Decide on a goal, write a list of actions that will lead you to this goal or at least bring you closer, select from them those that need to be done first, and start.
2. You're afraid of not succeeding.
It’s difficult to start a business if you don’t know in advance what awaits you: will you become successful, or will all your endeavors go down the drain. I'll tell you what awaits us: we will all die! Therefore, there is no point in being afraid of failure at something. Time passes; there is no need to waste it on empty fears. It is better to try and fail than not to try at all.
3. You expect instant results
You want to wake up tomorrow rich, famous, with the figure of a fashion model and the man of your dreams falling on one knee and begging you to be his wife. But life is not a fairy tale, fairy godmothers don’t fly to us to make candy out of sh*t with a wave of a magic wand. In our harsh reality, even the slightest changes in life will require a lot of work. This is depressing, because you want everything at once. You are not ready for long-term work, so you see no incentive to start. But a journey of a thousand kilometers begins with the first step.
4. You tend to procrastinate
If you come up with the idea of starting a new life on Monday, on the first day of the month or after a vacation, then you belong to the category of people who put off any business until later. What happens to such plans is no secret to anyone: they remain only dreams that never come true.
5. You don't know how to manage time effectively.
I think you will agree that any business takes time. The mistake of many is that when planning changes, they do not think about planning their new daily routine. After all, to go for a run in the morning, you need to get up early, which means you need to go to bed early. To go to driving lessons or dance lessons in the evening, you need to leave your child with someone. And not just once, but on an ongoing basis. And if all these issues are not resolved in advance, then you will encounter a lot of obstacles simply due to lack of time and energy, and after a couple of lessons you will tell all your Napoleonic plans to hell.
6. You are not ready for difficulties
You seem to want to start taking action, but the very thought of having to change something in your life scares you. Any change is a departure from the usual, and it is almost always difficult. But if you are afraid of change, have a hard time getting used to new people and surroundings, then your brain will constantly give you convenient excuses to drag you back into the familiar. And sooner or later he will win.
7. Your environment does not support you
If family and friends support your aspirations and even encourage you to take real action, then the likelihood that you will start moving your buns increases many times over. And if, on the contrary, they dissuade you or even put a spoke in your wheels, then you most likely will not start a new life. It's difficult to diet when your husband orders pizza to your house every night and persuades you to eat another slice.
8. You don't believe you need it
When a person really needs something, he will not wait for Monday, New Year, the second coming or an alien invasion. He will start here and now, because he has already understood why he needs to quit smoking, take personal growth courses, learn a language or get a second higher education. He sees a goal for which he needs to take certain steps. And he does them. If you are looking for a reason to start, then you don’t believe that you really need it. “Start on Monday” in this case is a kind of kick in the ass, because you cannot find any other reasons.
Practicing psychologist, healthy thinking coach
I am often asked the question “How to start a new life?” and definitely from the New Year. I can tell you right away that you can start a new life on any day and any month, but considering that it’s December outside, there is beautiful fluffy snow and everyone is in anticipation of miracles, during this period you can easily create your own happy and successful plan for 2018 year.
To make it easier for our brain to accept our new desires and bring them to life, I suggest you play with it. And the game will be that we will create our ideal scenario for 2018. You know, as they say, any great film begins with a great script, and so it is with us: setting goals begins with these simple exercises:
- Write 30-50 of your desired goals in 2018.
- Be sure to formulate them without the “NOT” part, for example, instead of “uncomplicated” - simple, or “don’t be sad” - but have fun. And so on.
- Formulate them in the present tense, as if it had already happened.
- DETAIL, don't write, please, just: I want to be happy!!! If you want care, happiness, love, and so on, please write yourself this simple definition. Indicating one of these non-specific words, describe for yourself what it means to you to be happy. For example, if you want care, then write to yourself what care is for you and from whom, maybe it’s coffee in bed or a call from your loved one in the middle of the day with the question “How are you doing, are you doing well?” or something else. This is important for writing our script. The more detailed you write this in the present time, the clearer your “film” will be and the more specific your goal setting will be.
- After you have written all this down, answer yourself the question: “What is now possible for me?” What opportunities do I now have, considering that everything I wanted happened.
For example, if you want a car, you describe it in as much detail as possible - color, make, interior, what kind of steering wheel, what smell is in your car, and after that you write: now I can go to visit my grandmother, now I can carry everything with me my important things (for example, I carry a set of painting brushes with me in the car, because I don’t know when I’ll want to paint. And I’m always ready). Describe 7-10 possible options that you have. And be sure to imagine how you will feel!!! Feelings and emotions are the currency for purchasing your dreams.
- This is your scenario and you are the main character in it: describe all your assistants, fairies, friends, those who will always come to your aid.
- Describe those people or situations that may prevent you from achieving your plans. And the most important thing to do with this:
- come up with a scenario about how you can bypass their influence or what you can do to make the result positive for you.
- And most importantly, think about why these people were sent to you. That they bring you USEFUL through their actions. This may sound strange, but I assure you, all the people in our lives give us lessons and these lessons are always for our benefit, we just cannot always immediately recognize this benefit.
For example, if a guy left a girl for her friend or just for someone else - great, life itself took the trouble away from you. And saved you years of life. Think about this when you weigh the pros and cons of these situations.
I had a case when for several years in a row there was a person in my environment who constantly devalued my actions and achievements. Phrases like this: “What’s wrong with that? Nothing special! Just think, you didn’t earn a million, but only 100 thousand” or “everyone can paint like that, nothing special.” I can tell you: this is a very good incentive. Of course, I cleared my environment of such people, but their benefit in my life is difficult to overestimate, since thanks to such people we become stronger, faster, richer, smarter and many, many other good things can come to us. So thank such people for the lessons and remove them from your field. You create your own script. And only you are responsible for who is present in your script.
Believe me, when you take responsibility for everything that happens in your life, you can easily create for yourself any conditions for a happy life.
And I’ll also share with you a cool technique on how to neutralize negative people. At that moment when a negative person is next to you, shouts at you or simply says some words that are not pleasant for you, if you cannot leave or stop him, try to look at him and imagine what he is missing in life , maybe joy or love, or success, or maybe you specifically know what this person loves. Then imagine him rejoicing, for example, from the fact that he is doing what he loves, or he gets a big win, or drives his favorite car. Listen to him and imagine.