The daughter of Irina Khakamada is Maria Sirotinskaya. "Sunny children
Irina Khakamada became one of the first examples that a woman can achieve any goals she sets for herself in business and politics. This personality is strong, purposeful and persistent, like a steel blade. And steel, as you know, is hardened by testing.
Not a cloudless childhood
Irina Khakamada, despite her telling surname, is a native Muscovite. She was born in the capital on April 13, 1955. Her parents were citizens of different states. Mom, an English teacher, married revolutionary Mutsuo Hakamada, an emigrant from Japan. Sharply different from her peers due to her appearance as a biracial person, Irina avoided children and they responded to her in kind. There was no understanding in the family, especially since the father did not speak Russian and had little contact with his daughter.
Irina began communicating with people after a trip to Artek, where her father’s revolutionary abilities awakened in the girl. The children were poorly fed and, on the initiative of Khakamada, they went on a hunger strike. There was a terrible scandal, but the food in the camp was improved. Thanks to this scandal, Irina learned to find a common language with people and not be afraid of other people's opinions. However, life did not become any brighter; Irina’s mother was sick a lot and had no time for children’s games. There were no grandparents in the family.
Education and science
The future talented politician after school went to study at the Faculty of Economics of the Peoples' Friendship University. Patrice Lumumba. She entered the first time and studied well, planning to continue her scientific career.
When Irina matured, gained life experience and formed as a person (or rather, by the age of 25), her relationship with her father suddenly improved. Their political views did not coincide, because he remained a communist, and Irina became a liberal, but this did not become an obstacle to communication. They argued a lot about politics, but this did not disturb the closeness that had arisen.
Business and politics
Irina Khakamada started her first business when she was left alone with a child in her arms after a divorce. At first she even had to work as a night watchman, but she pulled herself together and began selling her own waffles. Perestroika reigned in the yard and she very quickly went from business to politics.
Having been a “jack of all trades”, Irina Khakamada created her own political party - the Party of Economic Freedom. Already in 1993 she was elected to the State Duma. In 1995, Time magazine named Khakamada a politician of the coming 21st century. Another 2 years and she became the chairman of the State Committee of the Russian Federation for the support and development of small businesses.
Irina Khakamada was repeatedly named woman of the year by various magazines, but in 2008 she decided to leave politics. This is due to the appearance in bookstores of the novel “Love. Out of the game. The story of a political suicide" written by a former politician and businessman.
Being a politician and scientist, Irina Khakamada at the same time acted in and voiced films and TV series:
- Genius;
- D.D.D. Dossier of Detective Dubrovsky;
- My boyfriend is an angel (film director);
- A short course in a happy life;
- Blizzard.
She plans to create a film based on her own novel, successfully conducts master classes on achieving success, and gives lectures at MGIMO. Moreover, there is a clothing brand named after her, “HakaMa,” for which she personally takes part in the development of models.
Children: challenge and reward
Irina Khakamada got married very early, while still studying at the institute at the age of 18. She was not so much in love as she simply wanted to gain freedom and independence. The family had a child, son Daniel, but the marriage broke up 6 years after the wedding.
Irina had more in common with her second husband; both raised children from their first marriage, both already had unsuccessful experiences in family life. But they were working as junior research assistants at the time; there was not enough money in the family, and there was not enough time for each other. Khakamada devoted a lot of effort to her son’s education, took him to clubs, and enrolled him in sections. The marriage broke up, like another one, which did not last long and did not give Irina Khakamada either children or bright memories.
Irina found her true love and family happiness only in her fourth marriage to Vladimir Sirotinsky. In 1997, the couple had a daughter, but their happiness was overshadowed. Masha is a “special child”, born to Irina at 42 years old. Doctors warned the parents that the fetus had Down syndrome, but they decided to continue the pregnancy.
In 2003, the family faced another challenge. The girl was diagnosed with blood cancer. The most difficult, difficult and painful treatment lasted 2 years. But six-year-old Masha steadfastly fought the disease and found strength in herself, to provide moral support to loved ones.
Now Masha is already an adult. She is studying in college and will soon become a plant designer or, to put it simply, a landscaper. And Irina Khakmada, having gone through all the thorns, decided to help parents who found themselves in a similar situation. She runs a foundation that supports families with children with developmental disabilities.
A special child is also growing up in the famous family. Valerik, as his parents call him, has a severe form of autism. The composer divorced his wife Yana, leaving her with three children: 14-year-old Alisa, 10-year-old Leah and 9-year-old Valera - he was named after Konstantin’s brother, singer Valery Meladze. Despite their separation, Yana and Konstantin are raising their only son, still together and, of course, in great, unconditional love.
“This is not a sentence, this is an execution, after which you were left to live. This is a serious disease that has no cure yet. It is being adjusted,” said Yana Meladze in an interview with the Komsomolskaya Pravda newspaper. - Children like Valerik can be taught. I think parents who are faced with a similar problem are familiar with the feeling of fear, helplessness in the face of grief, and shame. Our society does not accept or recognize “others”. But when a child has his first successes, hope and faith awaken - and then a new starting point for genuine victories and bright pride in one’s child begins.”
Lolita Milyavskaya, 50 years old
Singer Lolita Milyavskaya - but with her own baggage of life situations that you don’t always want to talk about out loud. Today her daughter Eva is 13 years old: Lolita has not perceived her as special for a long time, and certainly not as something different. Autism is not such a terrible diagnosis as the behavior of doctors was terrible in those days when Eva was just born.
“I still remember how a doctor from a private clinic came to our home after discharge and looked at the child like a piece of meat in a crib,” the singer told the Segodnya newspaper. “I said, give it up, until you get used to it, no one knows what such prematurity could lead to.” They behaved like sadists; they were not interested in anything except money.”
“During that difficult period, the world-famous professor Andrei Petrukhin, a pediatric neurologist and member of the Royal Medical Society of Great Britain, helped me,” continues Milyavskaya. “He picked up Evka, who was about a year old at that time, threw her up several times, then put her back in the crib and said: “Mom, sleep well, everything is fine with your child.” Now she speaks fluent English, swims, and loves reading poetry. The boys follow her in herds. So we defeated the disease!”
Sergey Belogolovtsev, 50 years old
Actor Sergei Belogolovtsev, known for the series “33 square meters” and the humorous show “O.S.P. studio,” it was no laughing matter for many years. His eldest son Nikita was not even a year old when his wife Natalya became pregnant again. A few months later, when she gave birth to their second son, Evgeniy, doctors announced that the baby had cerebral palsy. The doctors prepared Sergei and Natalya for the worst case scenario, but they got Zhenya out and raised him to be a sympathetic, hardworking and very kind young man. Today he is 25 years old.
“Until he was 6 years old, Zhenya didn’t come to us, and then he didn’t play in the yard, we didn’t let him there,” Sergei Belogolovtsev said in a conversation with the site. - Yards, parks... none of this happened. There are always people there who have a negative attitude towards such children.”
“I remember how they pointed fingers and whispered behind my back,” Belogolovtsev shares with us. - They came up with idiotic questions, showing such, you know, “meaty” curiosity. But, fortunately, the older Zhenya became, the more we began to notice that society’s attitude towards him was changing. They started talking about people like him and making television programs about them. Now there are no problems with this. But my childhood years were, of course, hell.”
Anna Netrebko, 42 years old
Anna Netrebko, one of the most respected opera divas in the world, also faced a situation from which no “mere mortal” is immune. In 2008, while in a civil marriage with Uruguayan baritone Erwin Schrott, the famous singer gave birth to a son, Thiago. In the Russian manner, Anna calls him Tishka. Surprisingly, even for herself, it was only when the boy was 3 years old that Netrebko noticed, and the doctors confirmed: the baby had autism.
“For a long time I could not understand that something was wrong with my son! He is a very self-sufficient and neat child. In five years I haven’t broken a single toy! Well, yes, he doesn’t like to communicate. But I thought: “Well, he doesn’t talk and doesn’t talk. Sometimes he speaks when he needs it!” And then we began to notice: we turn to Tisha, but he doesn’t react at all! Well, not at all!”
For the sake of her son, Anna was forced to move from Austria to the USA - there are special courses for special children. Thiago is now studying at an integrated school with an individual approach to learning.
“I want to tell all mothers who have children with autism: believe me, this is not a death sentence! There are methods that develop such children to normal standards,” Netrebko said on the “Let Them Talk” show. - It just takes time, after which Thiago will become like all ordinary children. Everything will be fine with my son!”
Our article will tell you about an unusual girl, whose story inspires many people today and gives hope for the best. Her mother is Russian politician and Deputy Chairman of the State Duma of the Russian Federation Irina Khakamada. Maria Sirotinskaya was born with Down syndrome, but her family loves her for who she is. The support of her family helped her gain confidence in herself, find many favorite hobbies, and gave her hope for happiness in the future.
The fruit of great love
Talking about her unusual child, Irina skillfully controls her emotions. She shows no signs of worry and speaks about her daughter with love and tenderness.
The girl’s father is Khakamada’s fourth husband, Vladimir Sirotinsky, who runs a financial consulting business. According to the politician, Maria was a long-suffering and much-desired child.
Irina Mutsuovna already had a son, Daniil, and had an unsuccessful experience in family life when she met her future husband. Next to him, she again found feminine happiness, felt loved and desired. Irina dreamed of giving her beloved man a child, and Vladimir himself believed that their small family should have a common child.
The couple were afraid of the risks, because Irina was over forty when she found out about the long-awaited pregnancy. The fears were confirmed. Immediately after birth (in 1997), the girl was diagnosed with Down syndrome.
Misfortune never comes alone
As Irina Khakamada told the press, Maria grew up as a healthy child. But in 2003, she was diagnosed with a terrible disease - leukemia. Fortunately, the disease was diagnosed at an early stage, and therefore the chances of success were great.
Masha was treated in Russia. Talking about this difficult period, Irina Mutsuovna speaks with great gratitude about the doctors who did everything possible for her baby. In difficult times, family and friends helped a lot.
The disease has subsided. Although Masha has to undergo regular examinations, nothing threatens her health.
Special girl
Maria Sirotinskaya, Khakamada’s daughter, like other people with the same diagnosis, loves creativity and does not know how to be offended. According to her mother, Masha is very kind and is never sad for a long time. She doesn't really like the exact sciences, but she loves everything related to dance, theater and art.
The girl was not only able to get a secondary education. She went to college to become a ceramicist.
Talking about her daughter, Irina says that she taught a lot to everyone around her. Maria treats people sincerely and loves them only because she has them. Her selflessness and frankness are disarming; in her big heart there is a kind ray for everyone.
The right to be happy
At the age of 18, Masha met Vlad Sitdikov, with whom they not only quickly found a common language, but also fell in love with each other. Today it is known that Irina Khakamada’s daughter Maria received a marriage proposal from her lover, and the couple is planning a wedding.
The announcement of the decision to get married was made live on the program “Let Them Talk,” where the couple was invited to film. Vlad and Masha talked about the lives of people with Down syndrome, shared their dreams, and boasted about their achievements. When they announced their intention, it came as a surprise to many.
Everyone has the right to happiness. Khakamada’s daughter Maria decided to marry unexpectedly for her family, but her relatives supported her desire.
Irina says that people with Down syndrome do not like to draw a line between the real world and the world of dreams, so sometimes it is difficult to understand when they are serious and when they are joking. But, apparently, Masha and Vlad are firm in their decision.
Future son-in-law of the famous mother-in-law
Who is he, Mary's chosen one? Vlad is a couple of years older than his beloved, he has the same diagnosis as her. He is the same sociable, active and kind person. The guy loves sports, and he has already achieved considerable success: Vlad Sitdikov is the world champion in the bench press in his weight category. In addition, the young man is interested in sports journalism.
About myself and the “children of the Sun”
Since Irina Khakamada began posting photos of Maria online, public interest in the girl has only been growing. Masha is not afraid of attention, she is calm in front of the cameras, she behaves confidently and sincerely when she gives interviews.
The support of family and lover helps a girl to believe in herself. Like most “sunny children”, Maria had to deal with misunderstanding, but today she has learned to laugh at old stereotypes.
At the beginning of 2017, Maria and Vlad took part in the project of the Love Syndrome Foundation. They starred in a video about special people, in which they and their friends were asked to comment on the most common misconceptions about people with Down syndrome. Masha talked about how they know how to study and be creative, Vlad shared the story of his sporting successes.
But it is very difficult for such people to do things that are familiar to many! But not at all because of health problems, but because of the cautious and unfair attitude of society.
Maria and Vlad believe that by participating in such projects, they help similar people find themselves, gain confidence, and believe in their dreams. The guys performing in the video convince us that sports, science, travel, art, love are for everyone, and not for a select few.
Masha shares photos with social media subscribers. When you look at her smiling face in sunny pictures, it becomes clear that her life is actually full of joy and adventure. This means that everyone can live the way they dream.
Hoping for the best
Irina Khakamada's daughter Maria is not the only person with Down syndrome who leads a normal and interesting life.
Today, educational work is carried out by many teachers, psychologists, defectologists and doctors. Concerned people are trying to tell more about those who were born with an unusual set of chromosomes. Parents of “sunny children” do not stand aside either. For example, who learned about her son’s diagnosis even before his birth. The artist talks about the life of little Semyon, shares his photographs, and strives to convey to people that Down syndrome is not a disease, but a feature with which one can lead a full life.
According to psychologists, teachers and social educators, such children are teachable, but require a different approach. They are kind and incapable of knowingly causing harm. Social skills are more difficult for them to acquire, but patience and love can work wonders.
Irina Mutsuovna Khakamada (Japanese: イリーナ ハカマダ). Born on April 13, 1955 in Moscow. Russian politician and statesman, candidate of economic sciences, writer, radio and television presenter, actress. Deputy of the State Duma of the Russian Federation of the I, II, III convocations (1993-2003), candidate for President of the Russian Federation (2004).
Father - Mutsuo Hakamada (Japanese: 袴田陸奥男), a Japanese national, a communist who moved to the Soviet Union in 1939.
Mother - Nina Iosifovna Sinelnikova, has Russian, Armenian and Lezgin roots, worked as an English teacher.
Paternal brother Shigeki Hakamada (Japanese: 袴田茂樹), professor at Aoyama University in Tokyo, Sovietologist.
Her grandfather, half Lezgin, half Armenian, was a successful entrepreneur on Sakhalin and had his own chocolate shop. Grandmother, according to Irina, was a stunning beauty. When the Japanese left Sakhalin, they invited my grandfather to leave with them, but he stayed. He was sent to the camps, where he disappeared. The grandmother hanged herself out of despair and loneliness.
From the age of 12, Irina’s mother was raised by her cousins and aunts.
She told me about herself that she grew up as an absolute introvert - a withdrawn and uncommunicative child. The father knew almost no Russian and practically did not engage with his daughter. However, Irina also found advantages in this: “Such indifference towards me had its positive sides - dad believed that the child should be given complete freedom of action. Mom trusted me one hundred percent and, even if I did something bad, she always came to my defense.” . In addition, her mother was often sick and therefore Irina was left to her own devices.
I took up dancing. At school, exact sciences were easy for her.
Graduated from the Faculty of Economics of the Peoples' Friendship University. Patrice Lumumba. She defended her dissertation for the degree of Candidate of Economic Sciences at the Faculty of Economics of Moscow State University. M. V. Lomonosov.
Since 1980 - junior researcher at the Research Institute of the State Planning Committee of the RSFSR. In 1983 she received the academic title of associate professor in the specialty “political economy”. Speaks English and French.
In 1984-1989 she was a member of the CPSU.
Until the early 1990s, she was engaged in scientific and teaching work (VTUZ at the Likhachev Automobile Plant). She was one of the leaders of the “Systems + Programs” cooperative, director of the Information and Analytical Center, chief expert and member of the exchange council of the Russian Commodity and Raw Materials Exchange (RTSB).
In 1992, she was one of the founders of the Economic Freedom Party.
In the 1993 elections, Irina Khakamada was elected to the State Duma in a single-mandate constituency. In 1994, she resigned from her duties as Secretary General of the PES. In 1993-1995 - deputy of the State Duma of the Federal Assembly of the Russian Federation.
Having burst into Russian politics, Khakamada could not leave anyone indifferent: she was discussed, criticized, admired. Twice she was recognized as woman of the year. According to Time magazine, Khakamada was included in the list of 100 famous women in the world.
Khakamada recalled about her first appearance in the State Duma: “Everyone in parliament went crazy. They had never seen anything like this before - on the back of their heads there was either a hieroglyph or a butterfly” (referring to their hairstyle, which was bold at that time: a short haircut with shaved elements). Irina’s style was new, but it suited her incredibly: almost zero makeup, glasses with strict frames, but at the same time a certain note of relaxation - long skirts, loose trousers, fashionable silver jewelry.
In 1995, she was again elected to the State Duma.
In 1997, she was appointed Chairman of the State Committee of the Russian Federation for the Support and Development of Small Business. She was a member of the Russian Government Commission on Operational Issues, a member of the Russian Government Commission on Economic Reform, and Chairman of the Advisory Council for the support and development of small businesses in the CIS member states. In this position, according to the opinion expressed by Alexander Khinshtein in the Moskovsky Komsomolets newspaper, she abused her position by helping her husband’s company.
In 1995, Time magazine named her a politician of the 21st century among the 100 famous women in the world. According to the results of sociological surveys in 1997-1999, 2001-2005. named woman of the year, won this category in 1999 and 2002. In 2005, she was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize among thousands of women on the planet.
From 1995 to 2000 - Chairman of the Common Cause organization.
In 1999, she was elected to the State Duma of the 3rd convocation in the Eastern electoral district of St. Petersburg, vice speaker (2000-2003). She was a member of the State Duma Committee on Budget and Taxes and chairman of the commission for the protection of investor rights.
From 2000 to 2003 - co-chairman of the political party "Union of Right Forces".
Laureate of the National Award for Public Recognition of Women's Achievements "Olympia" of the Russian Academy of Business and Entrepreneurship in 2001.
On October 24-25, 2002, during the seizure of the Theater Center on Dubrovka, the terrorists, according to Joseph Kobzon, named Kobzon, B. Nemtsov and Khakamada among the politicians with whom they agreed to negotiate. Irina replied that she was ready and, in order to rescue the hostages, went with Kobzon to the Theater Center to meet with the terrorists, and Nemtsov said: “I need to coordinate” and disappeared from contact. As a result of negotiations, Kobzon and Khakamada were able to remove a woman and three children from the hall seized by terrorists.
In 2002 - participant in the 57th session of the UN General Assembly.
In 2003, she was unable to enter parliament either on the SPS list or in a single-mandate constituency.
In 2004, she nominated herself for the election of the President of the Russian Federation and received 3.84% of the votes.
2004-2005 - Chairman of the Russian Democratic Party "Our Choice", which later became part of the public movement "People's Democratic Union".
In 2006, as part of the movement, she created and headed the Interregional Public Fund for Social Solidarity “Our Choice”.
In May 2008, due to the cessation of political activity, she left the Russian People's Democratic Union of her own free will.
In November 2012, she joined the “Council under the President of Russia on the development of civil society and human rights” (according to Decree of the President of the Russian Federation of November 12, 2012 No. 1513).
Frequently publishes articles in leading media outlets.
Writes books. In 2006 she published the book “SEX in Big Politics”. In 2007 she released the political love novel “LOVE. OUT OF THE GAME. The story of a political suicide,” based on which he plans to make a full-length feature film and become its director. She wrote the play “Conclusion” based on this novel. Director Andrei Zhitinkin is going to stage a joint performance based on this play by Irina Khakamada and the play by avant-garde playwright Mikhail Volokhov “Rublevskoe Safari Nakh”. He reads master classes on how to be successful in modern Russia while remaining a free person.
He teaches at MGIMO, the training company "City-Class", the International Business School of the Financial Academy under the Government of the Russian Federation, and reads video courses at SGA and MBS. In 2008, based on the materials of the master classes, she published the book “SUCCESS in the big city.”
She hosted the program “SUCCESS in the Big City” on the “Amusement Park” TV channel, as well as the radio program “Intellectual Aikido” on the Russian News Service.
He is the inspiration for the creation of a clothing collection of the HakaMa brand together with fashion designer Lena Makashova.
Acting in films. She got her first experience back in 1991, playing herself in the film “Genius”. In the 2000s, she starred in the films “My Boyfriend”, “A Short Course in a Happy Life”, “Blizzard”.
Irina Khakamada in the film "Blizzard"
In 2018, Sergei Mokritsky’s science fiction film “Draft” was released, in which Irina Khakamada also starred and played a politician.
Irina Khakamada calls herself a citizen-everyman and does not plan to return to big politics in the near future; she is sure that she needs to wait, but not by hiding in the corner, but wait actively, declaring her position.
On April 25, 2014, in an interview with the “2014” program on the radio “Echo of Moscow,” Khakamada called the annexation of the Republic of Crimea to Russia “annexation.” In the same interview, Khakamada announced the seizure of Crimea from Ukraine by Russia, explaining this by attempts by the Russian authorities to consolidate the nation.
Irina Khakamada's height: 165 centimeters.
Personal life of Irina Khakamada:
She was married four times.
First husband - Valery. In marriage, a son, Daniil, was born in 1978 (he made Irina a happy grandmother). She recalled: “I got married for the first time at the age of 18, so I wanted to start living on my own as soon as possible. There was a gorgeous banquet at the Yar restaurant, I was in a stunning dress a la Maria Stuart with a high collar. At first everything went great, but then my husband and I completely diverged in our life strategies. I became interested in science, went to graduate school... Six years later, we separated, with little Danila in my arms, I moved to my mother, from whom my father had already left by that time, and I began to think about it. How can I feed my family?
Second husband - Sergei Zlobin, businessman. For some time she bore his last name.
The third husband is Dmitry Nikolaevich Sukhinenko, a businessman, former president of the investment company RINACO.
The second and third marriages, according to Irina, fell apart under the influence of circumstances: “... the second husband did not earn money, did not share my views on anything, the third was a successful businessman with whom I fell madly in love and married out of mad passion. He and He had great respect for my political activities, but did not believe in victory, and out of spite I became a deputy. His reaction was strange and incomprehensible - he pointedly distanced himself from me to receptions, did not communicate, did not share news, and refused. go on vacation together. As a result, we became strangers and divorced four years later."
The fourth husband is Vladimir Evgenievich Sirotinsky, businessman, financial consultant, manager. They met on a business trip in Davos, their communication began with a desire to see the mountains. Soon they became husband and wife.
According to Khakamada, their marriage is free, everyone is free to have other partners. They agreed on this immediately. Irina explained: “We have a partnership marriage: he is free, and so am I. But we exist together because we have fun. This is no longer the status of lovers, but my little loves. We agreed, without deception.”
In 1997, the couple had a daughter, Maria Sirotinskaya. Masha has congenital Down syndrome. As Irina admitted, doctors warned that the child would be born with Down syndrome, and yet she and her husband decided that a girl should be born. “My husband and I really wanted a child together, so the question of Mashenka’s birth was not even raised. This is the hard-won, very desired fruit of our love. We, of course, went on the Internet and found out that children like our future baby are very smart, independent, they can be happy. If they put in the effort, they can succeed. Then what is the problem? We were ready to make an effort,” Khakamada explained.
Irina hid the special girl from the public for a long time, but when she grew up, she began to actively take her with her to social events.
In 2004, however, doctors were able to cure the girl, since the disease was at an early stage.
In August 2017, it became known that the daughter of Irina Khakamada. Both Masha and Vlad were born with a diagnosis of Down syndrome. But this does not prevent them from living life to the fullest, studying, playing sports and making plans for the future. “My plans are to make a good family, marry my beloved and always be with him and have my own children. I want to open my own company, I will also earn money, provide for my family and even my husband,” noted Maria Sirotinskaya.
A special wedding: Irina Khakamada about the fate of her daughter. Let them talk
On Irina’s right shoulder is a Chinese character – an ancient symbol of life. According to Irina, he helps her in difficult life circumstances.
Got a tattoo in 2004. She said: “It was a difficult time for me. The presidential campaign ended and I left politics. A lot of problems arose, and daughter Masha was very sick. At that time I was interested in Chinese calligraphy. I found a hieroglyph with a very deep meaning: life is about overcoming, about growing through barriers. I decided to write this symbol; I feel it helps me a lot.”
Filmography of Irina Khakamada:
1991 - Genius - cameo (uncredited)
1999 - D.D.D. Detective Dubrovsky's file - Lena, Posadsky's daughter after plastic surgery
2011 - My boyfriend - Angel - film director
2011 - A short course in a happy life - Vera Mole, psychologist
2013 - Blizzard
2018 - - Irina, politician
2018 - Draft (TV series) - Irina, politician
Voiced by Irina Khakamada:
Bibliography of Irina Khakamada:
1995 - Common Cause
1999 - Maiden name
2002 - Features of a national politician
2006 - Sex in big politics. Self-made woman tutorial
2006 - SUCCESS (Success) in the big city
2007 - Love, out of the game. The story of a political suicide
2012 - The Tao of Life: Master class from a convinced individualist
2014 - In anticipation of yourself: From image to style
In a conversation with Irina Khakamada about raising children, about good mutual understanding with them, you get the feeling that in front of you is not the vice-speaker of the State Duma, not a bright politician, but a talented child psychologist, and besides, just a happy woman, basking in her motherhood.
In a conversation with Irina Khakamada about raising children, about good mutual understanding with them, you get the feeling that in front of you is not the vice-speaker of the State Duma, not a bright politician, but a talented woman, and besides, just a happy woman, basking in her motherhood. And then the question about the lack of communication between a business lady and her little daughter disappears by itself. I have never yet met another woman like this, capable of immersing herself, even for half an hour, in the world of her child and thereby being able to compensate for her many hours of absence.
? With the birth of each child, a woman undergoes a reassessment of her values. There is a distance of 20 years between the birth of Danila and Masha! What discoveries are associated with the birth of a son, and which with the birth of a daughter?
— When Danya was born, the mother in me was revealed. I was 23 years old, and I was so businesslike and active that my husband did not believe in my maternal abilities. He believed that I gave birth only for decency and would not take care of the child. And I was amazed to see how meticulously I began to fulfill my duties. And for me the main discovery was that a child is not only a joy, but also a huge responsibility. Then we had neither a nanny nor money, I carried the baby with my grandmother and at the same time wrote my dissertation. I held Danya in one hand, in the other there was a spoon with which I stirred the porridge, and in front of my nose there was a textbook, because I needed to prepare for candidate exams. In the rain, with an umbrella, I ran, hugging Danya, to the store to buy cheap meat, which in those years was instantly sold out, and to make puree from it, because there was no baby food then either.
And the discoveries associated with Masha’s birth were exactly the opposite. Our life had already improved, we knew what we were getting into. And so now a child is one joy and a complete pleasure.
? Was there a moment when your son got out of your control, when he began to have views different from yours?
“He and I never had any conflicts.” At the same time, no one adjusted to anyone. Dani always had her own opinion. We sometimes argued, but I never ordered, but tried to convince. And if she saw that she couldn’t convince, she stepped aside - do as you want!
? Were there really no problems of adolescence?
- Only one: he didn’t want to read, but I said that he needed to read. It wasn’t me who helped, but the girl, his first love. He must have had such an emotional shock that he began reading from morning to evening. So not everything is done by mothers. And finally I realized that he had grown into a man after hearing his recent statement that he was getting married.
?Have you already met your future daughter-in-law?
- Yes, she is 4 years older than him, and she already has a 6-year-old child. This is a serious test for my son, but I told him: “The sooner you go through all the difficulties and take on maximum responsibility, the faster you will become a man and the fewer mistakes you will make.” This marriage will give him the opportunity to become a man in a very short time. The infantilism of the current representatives of the stronger half of humanity leads to the fact that they begin to commit serious actions only after 40-45 years. And Danya, I think, will grow up quickly.
?You also have an adopted son?
- Yes, he is three years older than Dani. They grew up together for 12 years as siblings. He came into our family when he was 4 years old. There were conflicts and difficult situations. And mutual understanding came only when he matured, around the age of 15. I enrolled him in a French special school and gave him serious books. Then he himself entered Moscow State University. Now he knows languages brilliantly and works very well in the banking sector. At one time, his grandparents reproached me that I, as a stepmother, was creating difficult conditions for him, that he should be pitied. I deliberately harshly created conditions for the two of them in which competition arose between them. Because society has no regrets. It recognizes only force.
?So you raised both boys the same way?
- Yes, and that’s why my Danila received a little less. I couldn't kiss my child and not caress another one at the same time. But it’s harder to caress the other... Therefore, I sometimes preferred to be aloof from both and act more like a wise adviser than as a tender mother. And my son clearly missed my affection. Moreover, she was more strict with him and made even more claims against him than against her adopted son.
?The worldview of your children, their active attitude towards the world is important to you?
“He’s first among the best or last among equals—it doesn’t matter.” The most important thing is to be able to protect the weak. Even when the boys were cowards, I did everything so that they were forced to overcome their fear and help the weak. I taught the little one to fight back regardless of the size of the enemy. And I forced the older one, who, on the contrary, was large, to get into conflict and protect the little one. That is, I cultivated in them a sense of justice. Everything else is their problem. Also, I can’t stand the snobbery of parents towards their children. Many people believe that since their children are small, they are “half-human” and do not understand anything. I am convinced that a baby is a formed personality that must be taken into account. And we must try for as long as possible not to evaluate anything, not to judge what is “good” and what is “bad.”
?But it could also be like this: the mother, having spent a long time calling the raging child to order, spanks him on the bottom. He answers her in the same way and is absolutely sure that he is right: “I fought back!” How can you help your child understand that there are certain taboos?
- It happened to me with Masha. She once took offense at me and hit me on the head with her hand, then again. And I hit her in response too. Her eyes became half her face, she pouted her lips and wanted to burst into tears. Then I told her: “Look, you’re in pain, that’s why you’re offended. And when you hit me, it hurt me too. Let's not hit each other, and everything will be fine." Immediately I turned the conversation to another topic, and my daughter started laughing. And if after such an incident the phrase follows: “How dare you, I’m your parent, I can do whatever you want, but you can’t” - this is a road to nowhere. Depending on the circumstances, you should not be offended, but try to explain the situation in which the child’s action turned out to be less fair than yours.
?You simply have a gift for teaching! You must have read a lot of books on raising children?
— I haven’t read books on pedagogy. I didn’t have time: I wrote my dissertation on the first one, and I’m constantly working on the second one. You have to figure everything out on your own. All my life I have been analyzing my relationships with people and reading a lot of fiction. And this is immediately transferred to relationships with children. A person who reads fiction can never insult his own child!
Yes, but it’s important not to go to the other extreme...
- Don't let a child sit on your neck? Never! I sometimes see wealthy families where the mother, who sits at home, is no longer a child for the child, she is a servant who must constantly carry out his instructions. And dad, who comes late at night and supports the family, is, on the one hand, a source of new toys, and on the other hand, a great authority to whom you can complain about mom. That's horrible! This is the education of a future monster, a self-centered person who will never respect his wife or women in general and who himself will turn into a despot.
I know for sure that if one of my children insults me, I will definitely come up with an answer so that they feel how painful it is. But the answer should not be as straight as a stick, because then there will be even greater offense on his part! The adult's answer should not be offensive to the child, it should be understandable.
? With such terrible busyness, do you manage to notice how your daughter is growing?
- Yes. I can determine her condition better than a doctor and understand, for example, that she is getting sick, even in the absence of external signs: by the expression of her eyes, by her movements. I clearly monitor what she does better, what she does worse, and how she speaks, and how she develops.
? What is Masha’s relationship with her father?
“When we are not at home for a long time, she most often asks about him: “Where is dad?” But when we are all at home together, and dad is fussing with her, dancing, throwing her, Masha looks around every second in search of me. She trusts me completely, she is safe with me, and dad for her is still an unexpected, unpredictable creature.
?You wrote in your book about the dissimilarity of your parents, about how very different their approaches to education were. What is more in you: the toughness and closeness of your father or the emotional openness and good nature of your mother?
— I got a harmonious combination of both. I am a very tough, strong person in an extraordinary situation when one of my children and relatives needs help. But if such force is not needed, it immediately turns into softness and compliance. I am ready to give indefinitely, because home is sacred to me. This is relaxation. This means that the most important thing is that everything is peaceful at home and everyone is happy.