The author gives an example. Argumentation of one's own position
Kopylova Tatyana Olegovna,
teacher of Russian language and literature
GBOU gymnasium No. 209
Central district of St. Petersburg
"Pavlovskaya gymnasium"
What is a “comment on an issue”?
A comment- these are explanatory notes, reasoning about the highlighted problem of the text.
It is the commentary that shows how deeply and fully the problem is understood, how the writer was able to see its aspects outlined by the author, and followed the course of the author’s thought.
The volume of the commentary is small: three to four detailed phrases will be enough.
The hardest part is the commentary. Neither retelling nor continuous quotation will work here. The easiest way is to think about some questions related to the text you read:
· Who is the text addressed to (specialists or the general public, young people or middle-aged people, intellectuals or anyone interested in this problem)? Here it would be good to note on what basis you made this conclusion. Why are they interested in this problem?
· Can you assess the relevance of the problem being raised and explain why it is relevant?
· How does the author of the text approach solving this problem? What life/literary material is the text based on? Is the situation depicted by the author typical? What facts and details does the author pay attention to? Why? What impression does this make on the reader?
· If there are words in unusual usage (metaphors, epithets) that caught your attention, and you understand that it was thanks to their choice that the author managed to convey his idea to the reader, it’s a good idea to pay attention to them.
Requirements for comment:
1. The comment must be written based on the text read.
2. The comment should reflect author's train of thought source text.
3. The comment should connect the formulated problem with the author’s position.
4. The comment should contain 2 (two) examples from the proposed text.
What should you not do when writing a comment?
1. It is forbidden comment on the problem without relying on the text you read.
2. It is forbiddenretell read text.
3. It is forbiddenquote large fragments from the text read.
1. Own life experience, observations
2. Historical facts
3. Aphorisms, proverbs, sayings
5. Statistics
6. Literary sources, etc.
The commentary is structured according to a certain pattern:
Composition of the comment |
Examples of standard designs (clichés) |
1. Initiation |
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2. Development |
As an example confirming the relevance of this problem, the author (full name) gives... Continuing to build a system of arguments relevant to this problem, the author says... and so on. |
3. Conclusion (ending) |
Example questions to help you write a comment on a problem
Option 1(according to the text of journalistic style)
Questions |
Sample reasoning |
Ivan Ilyin draws attention to the fact that short-term, unspiritual relationships are often preferred to true friendship today. |
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The author writes with bitter irony about “friendship of slander”, “friendship of preference” and even “friendship of drinking buddies”: people accidentally bump into each other, “like wooden balls”, and again remain lonely. |
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4.What is the significance of these statements? (What does the author convince us of?) |
So Ivan Ilyin convinces us that only true friendship, based on spiritual closeness, can overcome a person’s loneliness. |
Option 2(according to the text of the artistic style)
Questions |
Sample reasoning |
The writer reveals the problem with an example relationship between father and son. The author sincerely sympathizes an old father who, at the first call of his son, despite his advanced age and bad weather, goes to the city to be nearby and help if necessary. |
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S. Tursun expresses regret about the fact that the son did not think about the consequences of his phone call, made the old man worry and set off on a difficult path for him. |
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3. What feelings of the characters are described by the author and how? |
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4.What words (thoughts) of the characters have special meaning? |
“Learn, son. It’s a good thing to study,” in these words of the old man the writer invested deep meaning: apparently, Murod never learned true filial love and care. |
There are two types of problem commentary: textual and conceptual (conceptual).
A textual commentary is an explanation of the text, following the author in revealing the problem.
You can specify the content of the comment using the following questions:
1) How, on what material does the author reveal the problem?
2) What does attention focus on? Why?
3) What names (facts, events) does the author mention? For what?
4) What emotions of the author are expressed in the text?
5) How is the author’s attitude towards the subject expressed? How does this manifest itself?
6) What means of expression help to identify the author’s attitude to the problem?
2. With conceptual commentary, the focus is on the interpretation of the problem of the text, its relevance, the clash of different opinions on the issue presented, etc. Find answers to the following questions:
1) What type of problem is this? (Social, philosophical, environmental, moral, etc.)
2) Is this problem relevant today? What is its significance for society?
3) How often do we face this problem? Does it apply to each of us or only to people of a certain age, occupation, etc.?
Typical designs (clichés) for commenting on a problem |
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Text comment(artistic text) |
Text comment(journalistic text) |
Conceptual comment(journalistic text) |
It is no coincidence that the writer depicts (who, what)… The hero's actions indicate that... The hero’s words (thoughts) show that... |
The problem of (what?) is one of the pressing problems of our time. This social (moral, etc.) problem has a centuries-old history. Each of us has encountered this problem more than once (where, when). |
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notes, describes, emphasizes, refutes, dwells on..., gives an example of how..., notes the importance, considers, quotes, confirms his thoughts with quotes, relies on the opinion..., analyzes, focuses our attention (on what?), draws an analogy, examines, compares, compares, contrasts, proves, convinces, comes to a conclusion, etc. |
Introduction of quotations into the text of the essay.
In the commentary, as in no other part of the essay, quotations and various references to the text are appropriate. Remember that quotes should be organically woven into the text of the essay, and not just increase its volume. Quoting for the sake of increasing the volume of work immediately catches the eye, since it violates the logic of the development of thought.
However, it is important not only to find a good quote, but also to format it correctly. Unfortunately, failure to incorporate source text information into an essay leads to many errors. Let's look at typical ways to incorporate text information into an essay.
Materials used:
N.A. Senina, A.G. Narushevich “Russian language. Essay on the Unified State Exam. Intensive training course" Legion, 2012
Problem comment
Commenting on a problem is one of the most difficult stages of work. It means an “interpretation” of one of the problems of the text, explanatory notes, and reasoning about it. The volume of the commentary is small: three to four detailed phrases will be enough.
There are two types of problem comment:textual and conceptual (conceptual).
Textual the commentary involves considering the problem in its numerous connections with other components of the text (composition, system of characters, figurative means, etc.), without breaking away from it.
Conceptual the commentary implies isolating the problem and considering it in other, broader contexts: the author’s biography, the demands of today’s time, tradition, and reader’s perception.
Give textual a comment means sequentially answering a number of questions:
What aspects of the problem does he pay attention to (what does he focus on)?
How does he justify his reasoning (if there is argumentation)?
It is important to remember: a textual commentary is not a retelling. By retelling, we convey the entire content of the text. In the textual commentary we focus only on on the text problem, we follow the author's train of thought, revealing the problem.
An example of a textual commentary to the text by K.G. Paustovsky:
“K.G. Paustovsky talks about the dramatic fate of an elderly woman - Katerina Ivanovna - lonely, abandoned by her grown daughter. Dreaming of meeting her, the old woman asks for help from a stranger, whose sympathy sounds genuine and sincere. It is no coincidence that it is he who deserves her address “my dear”, and it is no coincidence that he confesses: “How happy I would be if I had such a mother!”
The problem of lonely old age permeates the entire text. The narrator, on whose behalf the story is told, conveys to us that feeling of melancholy that fills a person’s soul before death, a lonely and loving soul. This painful feeling is intensified by landscape sketches: the image of a flying garden, with which Katerina Ivanovna’s youth is associated, and a lonely star in the sky - remind her of the irreversibility of time. The narrator's feelings are undoubtedly close to the author. They are transmitted to the reader..."
Using conceptual commentary, you need to find answers to the following questions:
What type of problem does this belong to (social , economic, socio-economic, political, socio-political, environmental, eternal, philosophical, religious-philosophical, moral, psychological, moral-psychological, etc.)?
Why did this problem attract the attention of the author, how is this related to his biography and work?
Who, where and when else addressed this problem, is there a tradition associated with it in literature and journalism (this question should be answered in general terms)?
Is this problem relevant today? What is its significance for society?
How often do we encounter this problem? Does it apply to each of us or only to people of a certain age, occupation, etc.? Is it new for you?
How does the reader perceive the author’s reasoning on this problem (is the author’s excitement conveyed to him, does the problem leave him indifferent)?
An example of a conceptual commentary to the text by K. G. Paustovsky:
“K.G. Paustovsky is known as a successor to the best traditions of Russian classical literature. Being a master of subtle, psychological stories, a wonderful landscape painter, he addresses the problem of loneliness, old age, farewell to the world and life gradually - through a series of artistic images.
This problem is not new for Russian literature; it can be classified as an eternal philosophical and psychological problem and is relevant at all times. And today it sounds even more acute, given the increasing passage of time and alienation between people. That is why the story of K. G. Paustovsky cannot leave the modern reader indifferent.”
Maybe combination of textual and conceptual comment.
An example of a combined commentary on the text by K.G. Paustovsky:
The text by K. G. Paustovsky refers to the artistic style, and fiction creates a believable but fictitious world. Therefore, the problem of loneliness of an elderly person is revealed through the example of the fate of the heroine of the story - Katerina Ivanovna - a suffering person close to us, whose experiences cannot but touch the soul.
Living out her last days, Katerina Ivanovna is deeply unhappy. To express her despair and melancholy, the author resorts to expressive repetitions (“God forbid you, my dear! God forbid you!”). The phraseological phrase “alone in the world” most fully characterizes the situation in which the heroine finds herself. The image of an empty autumn garden only enhances the emotions of the characters and the reader.
The invisible connection between relatives, the most bloody, the strongest, is broken. "What's happening?" - the author seems to be asking a question, and does not find an answer, inviting the reader to do this. The eternal problem, which has a long tradition in human culture, sounds acute precisely because it is given not in speculative reasoning, but through a specific life situation. This problem is very relevant today: the race for pleasure and success leads to alienation between people, to the loneliness of weakening old people.”
Template schemecombined comment Problems:
Question about… (identify the problem) cannot leave anyone indifferent; it concerns each of us to a greater or lesser extent. The problem put forward (raised, marked, etc.) NN (indicate the author) , is especially relevant (topical, important, significant) these days because... (give an explanation) .
The narrator does not discuss the issue he has raised in a detached manner; one can feel his interest in what he is writing about. His attitude towards ( agreed on a hero, situation, problem ) is felt in the excited, emotional manner of writing (give examples, quotes possible) , in an effort to make the reader a like-minded person. Reasoning over (repeat the problem) , NN refers to ( indicate on what material the author considers the problem: maybe these are memories, incidents from life, dialogues, artistic narration, an excited monologue, quoting the thoughts of great people, reasoning, descriptions of pictures of nature, statistical data, etc.).
Speech clichés that help frame a commentary on a problem
There are special constructions and speech clichés for formatting comments. This "markers", indicating that we
Option 1
Granin says that the word is no less important “thing” than beliefs. Granin distinguishes two types of people: some are completely true to their word, others believe that a word is “just a word.” Many people who are not responsible for their words say: “Well, what a disaster, I didn’t accept it, didn’t do it, didn’t bring it.” People of this type do not value this word at all.
Similar situations are often played out in literature . Suffice it to recall the work of A.S. Pushkin “The Captain's Daughter”. At the beginning of the story, the writer mentions the proverb: “Take care of your dress again, but take care of your honor from a young age.” This was the instruction given to Grinev by his father. In the future, we see how the main character Pyotr Grinev, despite difficulties, never breaks his father’s covenants and keeps his word.
Speaking about the problem of text, we can recall popular proverb: “Having given your word, hold on, but if you haven’t given it, be strong.” After all, if a person has given his word, then he must be responsible for it, must be strong and courageous. And if a person is not able to answer for his words, then he can only “strengthen himself.”
In the modern world this topic is still relevant , because now you rarely meet people who will be completely true to their word.
Option 2.
Is it always enough to be born a genius to become a great person? Or can one become a genius thanks to hard work? I think that it is precisely these problematic issues that N. Mikhailov raises in his text. The author is concerned about this problem, so he seeks to involve us in joint discussions.
In his text, Mikhailov talks about the phenomenon of genius. Science still cannot explain the nature of unique abilities. Some scientists believe that “indigo children” are born from marriage with aliens, others think that the appearance of such children is the result of a genetic failure. Also, as an argument, the author tells the story of an eight-year-old girl at risk of disability. Despite all this, she draws beautifully and learns foreign languages. Isn't this a miracle? Only “the source of the “miracle” here is the parents who did everything possible and probably impossible for their daughter.” At the end of the text, Mikhailov asks a rhetorical question: “Would the boy Sasha Pushkin have become a genius poet if he had not ended up in the lyceum?” It seems unlikely to me.
Agreeing with this point of view of the author, I will give an example the story of Mozart and Salieri from the tragedy of the same name by A.S. Pushkin. Both composers were talented, but Mozart worked all the time on his gift, improving his skills, while Salieri thought that talent alone was enough and there was no need to sit for hours at the instrument, bringing talent to perfection.
Speaking about the problem of the text, I want to talk about genius children in the modern world. Nowadays, many talented and gifted children are also born who could reach the top in various arts and sciences, but modern parents, due to lack of time, often do not notice the genius of their children. Teachers also treat this gift with indifference, and peers even laugh at those who stand out from the crowd. Therefore, having noticed such a child, we should not bury his talent in the ground, but, on the contrary, should contribute to the birth of genius from his talent.
The text by N. Mikhailov proposed for analysis prompted me to think about the enormous role of society in the formation of brilliant individuals, because sometimes it is society that tramples the sprouts of this talent into the ground.
Option 3
Is war capable of destroying the reserves of humanity in a person? Or is it in human nature to love even one’s enemy? It seems to me that V. Tendryakov raises precisely these problematic issues in his text. It is this moral problem that worries the author, so he seeks to involve us in joint reasoning.
In his text, V. Tendryakov describes fire in a German hospital. Despite the hostilities, at least a drop of compassion and empathy remains in people. “The tragedy taking place in plain sight was not alien to anyone,” writes the author. Tendryakov gives specific examples of how former enemies are able to come to each other’s aid. For example, Guard Captain Arkady Kirillovich, noticing how “a German with his head wrapped was trembling near his shoulder,” took off his warm sheepskin coat and handed it to the German. The author also tells us about the feat of a Tatar soldier who threw himself into the fire to save a disabled German.
Agreeing with this point of view of the author, I want to remember the work of V. Zakrutkin “Mother of Man”, which describes the events of the Second World War. Having occupied the farm where Maria, the main character of the story, lived, her son Vasyatka and husband Ivan, the Nazis ruined everything, burned the farm, drove the people to Germany, and hanged Ivan and Vasyatka. Only Maria managed to escape. Alone, she had to fight for her life and for the life of her unborn child. Experiencing a burning hatred for the Nazis, Maria, having met a wounded young German, rushes at him with a pitchfork, wanting to avenge her son and husband. But the German, a defenseless boy, shouted: “Mom! Mother!" And the Russian woman’s heart trembled.
Speaking about the problem of text, I remember a scene from Leo Tolstoy’s epic novel “War and Peace,” where the Russians and the French, who were bitter enemies at that time, joked and talked to each other. “After this, it seemed that it was necessary to unload the guns, detonate the charges, and everyone should quickly go home,” says the author. But this does not happen, and Tolstoy regrets that the “reserves of humanity” remained unused.
In conclusion, I want to say that the text by V. Tendryakov proposed for analysis prompted me to think about that in every person there is humanity, only some have more of it, some have less, and in difficult situations this humanity will always manifest itself.
Option 4.
Each person has his own specific goals and cherished dreams, which he strives for throughout his life, trying to achieve them in every possible way.
The author of the text proposed for analysis is concerned about the problem of hard work and, of course, the merits of this work.
V. Krasnov clearly shows us a vivid example from life - Alfred Nobel, an outstanding scientist and chemist, the author reflects on how, through what efforts Nobel achieved great fame and glory.
In this text, V. Krasnov focuses the reader’s attention not on the need to study various sciences, but on the great hard work of Alfred Nobel, who began his path to studying science in the ruins of a small workshop, showing the reader that Nobel achieved everything himself, thanks to his great love for labor and knowledge.
I completely agree with the opinion of the author of this text that a person’s hard work and desire play an important role in the life of a person himself, making his cherished dreams come true.
My point of view is confirmed in the work of I.A. Goncharov “Oblomov”. Where the main character of this work is Oblomov himself, he is a fairly smart person, but by nature he is very lazy, he has absolutely nothing to strive for, lying his life on an old sofa , and without thinking at all about what he acquired in this life and what he can leave behind. But this is very important! It is important that a person who has lived for more than a dozen years will leave behind him, what the next generation can think about, what he can do be proud.
Another example can be the well-known Russian scientist - naturalist, physicist, chemist and poet - Mikhail Lomonosov. Love for work and a great passion for knowledge led him to Moscow, 1132 kilometers from his home, he went completely alone, taking with him only a little money, “Grammar” and “Arichmetic”. Lomonosov was greedy for knowledge, and his favorite pastime was work, which made his dream come true, thanks to which Lomonosov became known throughout the world.
Thus, hard work plays a big role in the life of every person, it brings us the “sweet fruits” of life and makes everything impossible possible.
An essay on a text on the Unified State Examination is built according to a special algorithm: formulation of one problem, its explanation (i.e. commenting with the introduction of two text examples), designation of the position of the author of the text, highlighting one’s opinion (agreement or disagreement with the author), selection of evidence (at least two arguments) from the reader's experience or life observations.
When the problem of the original (primary) text has already been formulated, you need to comment on it, give explanatory notes, and evaluate the highlighted problem. This is the most difficult part of the essay. It shows how deeply and accurately the problem is understood, how clear the writer’s course of thought is.
The following components should be drawn up in one line: one problem out of several - an explanation of it - the author’s position on the same problem - an expression of his opinion on that problem - the presence of his own arguments on this formulated problem. Such a general connection of all components is necessary for the secondary text to have logic, consistency, and accuracy in expressing its own understanding of the primary text.
As a working algorithm, you can use the following scheme:
first problem → highlighting examples from the text on the first problem → the author’s opinion on the first problem → arguments for agreement or disagreement on the first problem → selection of books with examples to support the arguments.
Using this scheme, you can identify all the problems raised in the text and separate different problems into blocks. Thus, several graph lines are outlined in order to decide on the choice of problem for writing an essay. If all the blocks are in place and there are no gaps, you can start creating the essay.
It is best to formulate the problem in the form of an interrogative sentence, and express the author’s position as an answer to this question.
Example one:
Problem: Why does a person torture an animal and condemn it to a painful death?
Example two:
Problem: Does studying the peculiarities of the works of famous people help a person?
Example three:
Problem: What is the difference between geniuses and nature and geniuses from themselves?
Author's position: There are two types of creative activity: through inspiration or through tireless work. Through inspiration, the author, as it seems from the outside, creates with extraordinary ease. A genius on its own makes its way through external and internal obstacles, working tirelessly, constantly overcoming setbacks and failures.
Example four:
Problem: What is true friendship? What is its value?
Example five:
Analyzing the examples given, we see that to the question posed one can and should look for the author’s answer in the text, if not direct, as in journalism, then indirect (how the author would answer, what would he say about it).
Now about the place between the problem and the position of the author the commentary occupies. The purpose of the commentary is to show how the author comes to an answer to the problematic question posed, to name what facts or episodes influenced his conclusions.
Essentially, a commentary is an expansion of a problem in order to clarify and evaluate it. If a problem is a question, then a comment is an understanding of the causes and consequences of what caused the question. The author cannot remain impartial in presenting any facts; he is indignant, indignant, argues, proves, analyzes, criticizes, protests, admires, is perplexed, etc.
When working with literary or journalistic text, look for examples that illustrate reasons (Why does this happen or did it happen?), goals (Why did someone do something or act?), details (How did something happen in detail?), relationships ( How does this relate to other areas of life?). Such a comment is usually called textual. You follow the author in revealing the problem, looking in the text for answers to the following questions:
- What specifically and why does the author focus his attention?
- What names, facts or events does the author mention and why?
- What emotions of the author are expressed in the text?
- How is the author’s attitude towards the depicted expressed?
But there is also a conceptual comment.
For reference: CONCEPT (from Latin conceptus - fight, plan, conception) - a unit of speech utterance, a logically semantic component of its semantic structure; characterizes the act of understanding and its result obtained in communication, thereby suggesting a focus on another; the act of grasping meanings.
Understanding the intricacies of a journalistic text, determine why this problem attracted the attention of the author and what conclusions he leads the reader to. You can find and write down some paradoxical statement or aphorism of the author, explaining the essence of the event, or trying to change some stable opinion, or offering his own solution to the problem.
To introduce a comment, it is appropriate to use speech phrases:
2. Writes with admiration, with pride, with bewilderment. The author is truly alarmed that... It’s worth listening to the author’s words... It’s scary and painful for him to see...
In students' essays there is often no commentary at all; unfortunately, it is sometimes forgotten. It also happens that a different problem is commented on than the one that was formulated.
When commenting on a problem, you should not retell the text or get carried away with excessive quoting, or rewrite a fragment of the review from task 24. Of course, it is necessary to rely on the source text, but not thoughtlessly. Analysis is preferable here. It is necessary to show what examples the author gives, how he proves his thoughts. In general, what matters is not what the characters did, but what the writer thinks about it.
We must not forget about two examples in the commentary. How to enter them? You can briefly quote phrases from the text or indicate the numbers of important sentences in brackets.
Often the author of the text and the person on whose behalf the argument is being made are confused and are not distinguished by students. In no case should two concepts be replaced: “author” and “hero”. The author can make anyone the narrator: both a literary character and himself, that is, the writer. The hero is the direct character of the work; everything happens to him in the text, although he may even be very close to the writer himself or similar to him with the facts of his biography, but he is never identical to him.
In a word, if the pronoun “I” is found in a narrative, this does not mean that the narrator is the author himself. The narrator and the author may actually have very different positions, opinions, and assessments.
It's time to move on to practical examples. Let's look at some of the students' essays. For their work, they were offered a text by modern prose writer Sergei Kachalkov about Maxim Lyubavin.
We present the text in full.
(1) How time changes people! (2) Unrecognizable! (3) Sometimes these are not even changes, but real metamorphoses! (4) As a child, she was a princess; when she grew up, she turned into a piranha. (5) But it happens the other way around: at school there is a gray mouse, unnoticeable, invisible, and then on you is Elena the Beautiful. (6) Why does this happen? (7) It seems that Levitansky wrote that everyone chooses a woman, a religion, a path... (8) It’s just not clear: does a person really choose a path for himself or is some force pushing him along one path or another? (9) Is it really our life that was originally destined from above: those born to crawl cannot fly?.. (10) Or is it all about us: do we crawl because we did not want to strain our wings? (11) I don’t know! (12) Life is full of examples both in favor of one opinion and in defense of another.
(13) Choose what you want?..
(14) At school we called Maxim Lyubavin Einstein. (15) True, outwardly he did not at all resemble a great scientist, but he had all the habits of geniuses: he was absent-minded, thoughtful, a complex thought process was always seething in his head, some discoveries were made, and this often led to him , as classmates joked, he was not adequate. (16) They used to ask him in biology, and it turns out that at that time, in some sophisticated way, he was calculating the radiation of some nuclides. (17) He will go to the blackboard and start writing incomprehensible formulas.
(18) The biology teacher will shrug:
(19) - Max, what are you talking about?
(20) He will come to his senses, hit himself on the head, not paying attention to the laughter in the class, then he will begin to tell what is needed, for example, about the discrete laws of heredity.
(21) He didn’t show his nose at discos or cool evenings. (22) I wasn’t friends with anyone, but I was just friends. (23) Books, a computer - these are his faithful companions and brothers. (24) We joked among ourselves: remember well how Maxim Lyubavin dressed, where he sat. (25) And in ten years, when he is awarded the Nobel Prize, journalists will come here, at least they will have something to tell about their great classmate.
(26) After school, Max entered the university. (27) He graduated brilliantly... (28) And then our paths diverged. (29) I became a military man, left my hometown for a long time, started a family. (30) Life for a military man is hectic: as soon as you get ready to go on vacation, some kind of emergency happens... (31) But still, I managed to escape to my homeland with my wife and two daughters. (32) At the station we made an agreement with a private owner, and he took us in his car to our parents’ house.
(33) - Only, you didn’t recognize me or what? – the driver suddenly asked. (34) I looked at him in amazement. (35) Tall, bony man, thin mustache, glasses, scar on his cheek... (36) I don’t know that! (37) But the voice is really familiar. (38) Max Lyubavin?! (39) It can’t be! (40) Is the great physicist engaged in private transportation?
(41) - No! (42) Take it higher! – Max grinned. – (43) I work as a loader at the wholesale market...
(44) From my face he realized that I considered these words a joke.
(45) - No! (46) I just know how to count! (47) We sell sugar in bags! (48) In the evening I’ll pour out three to four hundred grams from each bag... (49) Do you know how much it turns out per month if you’re not greedy? (50) Forty thousand! (51) Just think, if I became a scientist, would I receive that kind of money? (52) On the weekends, you can get some money by driving, I gave a ride to a couple of clients - another thousand. (53) Enough for a bun with butter...
(54) He laughed contentedly. (55) I shook my head.
(56) - Max, but with sugar, isn’t that stealing?
(57) - No! (58) Business! - Max answered.
(59) He took me home. (60) I gave him two hundred rubles, he returned ten in change and went to look for new clients.
(61) - Did you study together? - asked the wife.
(62) - This is our Einstein! – I told her. - (63) Remember, I told you about him!
(64) - Einstein?
(65) - Only the former! – I said with a sad sigh.
(According to S. Kachalkov*)
* Sergei Semyonovich Kachalkov (born in 1943) is a modern prose writer.
Since the test can be attributed to the artistic style, it is important to highlight the characters: the narrative moves from the perspective of the first one - the narrator Anatoly (33-34 sentences “Only, you didn’t recognize me or what?” the driver suddenly asked. I looked at him in amazement.”), who shares painful issues and seeks answers to philosophical questions. Maxim Lyubavin, his former school friend, enters into a dialogue with him (sentence 14: “At school we called Maxim Lyubavin Einstein.”). Here, the image of a military man named Anatoly is immediately separated from the image of the author - writer Sergei Kachalkov.
Let us now define one of the problems posed by the author in this text. The problem of moral choice is immediately obvious, formulated in the 8th sentence of the text (“It’s just not clear: does a person really choose the path for himself or is some force pushing him along this or that path?”). We will answer this problematic question by clarifying the author’s position: a person’s future is in his own hands, he himself builds and destroys it.
Let us present several versions of the commentary on this problem, which were given by different students in their essays on the text.
Example of the first comment:
The author in his text talks about the young man Maxim Lyubavin and his life. At school, Max was called Einstein, although externally and internally he did not look like a scientist. The writer notes that the young man was not particularly friendly with anyone, preferring a computer and books. But soon everything changed... Maxim did not choose the path of a scientist, did not become a great physicist, but took up private driving, working as a loader at the wholesale market.
Example of the second comment:
The author is seriously concerned about the fate of his classmate; the line of his life has taken a strange turn and is not leading at all to where, obviously, he should be moving. The abundance of exclamatory sentences and antitheses indicate that the writer cannot come to an unambiguous conclusion. Kachalkov quotes the lines of Yu. Levitansky’s poem and immediately contrasts them with words from “The Song of the Falcon” by M. Gorky. However, the story about a classmate is just as contradictory. The author notes at the beginning that everyone teased Lyubavin as Einstein because of the obvious habits of a genius who chose books and a computer as his companions. Now the writer remembers with a smile how he and the guys joked about Maxim’s future Nobel Prize. Moreover, these were not ridicule, but prophecies in a funny form. The author draws our attention to the fact that Lyubavin graduated from the university with flying colors, and then their paths diverged. A meeting many years later revealed not only external changes in Maxim (a thin mustache, glasses, a scar on his cheek), but also internal ones (physics has been abandoned, now Lyubavin counts money and calls theft “business”). This metamorphosis frightens the writer, and with a sad sigh he calls Maxim the “former” Einstein.
Example of a third comment:
Discussing the problem, Kachalov turns to the memories of a military man who returned to his city and accidentally met his classmate. He could not imagine that time could change a person beyond recognition and even change his lifestyle, goals and aspirations.
Example of a fourth comment:
The author draws attention to the fate of his school classmate Maxim Lyubavin, “young Einstein,” who was not friends with anyone, did not go to discos, and only studied. Kachalkov tells with bitterness that Maxim subsequently became an ordinary loader at the wholesale market, quitting science after graduating from university, citing the low salaries of scientists.
Each example has some shortcomings, let's look into them. In the first, there is a noticeable confusion between the concepts of “author” and “writer”. The author in this case has a military profession, his name is Anatoly. This is a narrator who reflects on time and its influence on a person, on the choices that a person makes when building his life values and his path. We agree that here the writer Kachalkov gives up his place to the hero-narrator, apparently sharing his position with him.
The same substitution is observed in the second commentary, which is quite extensive, with examples from the text. In it, based on the text, the main aspects of the highlighted problem are freely presented, an understanding of the main thing is given - the author’s concern due to the fact that “a person over time can abandon his purpose and change his previous ideals, replacing them with selfish interest.”
In the third example, you can find a factual error: the surname of the author of the text is distorted (Kachalov is written instead of Kachalkov!), although there is no substitution between the concepts of “author” and “hero”.
The fourth example reveals the substitution of concepts that we have already noted in previous comments. The student forgot to give any examples from the text.
As you can see, among the main errors in the commentary were the substitution of the concepts of “author” and “hero,” factual errors and lack of examples. We are convinced that in order to write a commentary it is very important to understand the text itself, to identify its undercurrents, if you like, to make an analytical diagram of it: who is who and who informs whom, who is the author and who is the hero, on whose behalf the reasoning is being conducted (narration /description) and conclusions are drawn.
In our examples there are elements of presentation, but there are not enough quotes, references to specific proposals, only in the second commentary is the author’s movement from the formulation of the problem to the main conclusions traced, the author’s logic and his system of arguments are visible, in this work all the key points of the problem are highlighted.
We recommend that in your draft, before writing a coherent text of your essay, you make a similar diagram and write down the most important key words and phrases, distinguish which phrase contains the name of the problem, which paragraph involves a comment with two examples, what a sentence looks like indicating the author’s position, highlight the thesis of your opinion and , finally, write down the two compiled arguments in a list.
Since the text is always before your eyes, you must not be lazy to check titles, quotes over and over again, and indicate the numbers of sentences, which can later be referred to in parentheses. When a coherent text is written, you need to establish repetitions and edit them in a position of detachment: as if the text was written not by yourself, but by someone else, and critically evaluate the speech embodiment. Then and only then will the essay turn out good.
Let's look at the composition of the essay in order.
Problem
Problem (what?)
Complex, important, serious, deep, relevant, topical, poignant, unresolved.
Problem (what?)
Upbringing, education, patriotism, heroism, nobility, intelligence, the meaning of life, fathers and children, personality formation, preservation of the native language, the influence of the beauty of nature on humans.
Typical designs
The author reflects on the problem
The author of the text addresses the problem
The author focuses on the problem
The text (author's full name in p.p.) raises the problem
The text (author's full name in r.p.) made me think about a complex problem
(Author’s full name in im.p.) invites its readers to think about the problem
How (why, why, etc.)…? It is this problem that attracts the author's attention.
What is duty (honor, nobility, intelligence, etc.) and what role does this concept play in the life of a person and society? The author reflects on this problem.
Remember!
The problem of (what?) the meaning of life.
The question (about what?) about the meaning of life.
The second element in the essay is a commentary on the problem.
A comment is an explanation of a remark, a reasoning about the problem you have highlighted in the text.
Artistic text
The author reveals the problem using an example from life... (relationship between someone and someone)
It is no coincidence that the writer depicts (who, what)
The hero's actions indicate that...
The hero’s words (thoughts) show that...
The author condemns/approves the action(s) of the hero(es)
The author's sympathies are with (whom)
Journalistic text
The problem is revealed by the author using an example...
As an example, it reveals
The author makes the reader think (about)
The author turns the problem to
In the author's reflections the idea sounds that
The author shares the opinion of (whom)
The author is sincerely delighted, saddened (by)
The author leads us to the conclusion that
The problem of (what?) is one of the pressing problems of our time.
This social (moral, etc.) problem has a long history.
Each of us has encountered this problem more than once (where, when).
Like most of us, the author believes that
The author examines in detail
The author draws our attention to
Author (What is he doing?)
Notes, describes, emphasizes, dwells on, gives an example of how..., notes the importance, considers, quotes, confirms his thoughts with quotes, relies on opinion, analyzes, tells, compares, contrasts, proves, convinces, comes to a conclusion.
The author's position is manifested in the following points: the author's attitude towards the depicted phenomena, events, characters and their actions. When you read the text, pay attention to the linguistic means in which the author’s attitude is expressed using marker words, evaluative vocabulary, means, expressiveness, introductory words, and incentive sentences.
The author’s position can be determined by answering the following questions
Are positive or negative human qualities manifested in the hero’s actions, words, and thoughts?
How do the characters around him treat the hero?
How do the actions of the characters around him affect the hero?
How do the hero’s actions affect other characters in the work? Do you agree with the hero or not?
Does the author condemn or approve of the hero’s behavior?
What did the author want to tell readers by showing the speech, thoughts, and actions of the hero?
Remember: Even if the author does not directly talk about his attitude towards the hero, and the hero acts, from your point of view, wrong, commits actions that bring evil to others, then, most likely, the author thinks the same way as you.
Remember: The position of the author and the hero-narrator may not coincide!
The author believes that
The author leads the reader to the conclusion that
Arguing over the problem, the author comes to the following conclusion
The author's position is as follows
The author’s position, it seems to me, can be formulated as follows
The author calls us to (what)
The author convinces us that
The author condemns (who/what, for what)
Argumentation of one's own position.
In your essay, you must express your opinion whether you agree or disagree with the author. In your answer, you must give two or one arguments from literature or personal life.
For example: It is difficult to disagree with the author’s position. I also believe that mercy is the main virtue of human nature and that we must preserve it in our hearts at all costs.
Then you must support your position with two arguments.
Argumentation is the provision of evidence, explanations, examples to substantiate any idea in front of listeners (readers) or interlocutor
Arguments are evidence given in support of a thesis: facts, examples, statements, explanations, everything that can confirm the thesis.